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MacGyver's Women

Original Air Date: November 12, 1990
Episode #112

As MacGyver and Maria Romburg return to MacGyver's houseboat after a date, Maria wants to talk about commitment and where their relationship is headed. Mac reluctantly entertains the topic, but their discussion is put on hold when they enter the houseboat and find detective Kate Murphy waiting. Murphy has brought troubled teen Jenny to stay with Mac while the shelters are full. Later that evening, the women discuss men's fear of feelings and commitment. To escape the male-bashing, Mac heads upstairs to bed. He pops in a videotape of a Western, and soon he dreams that he's in the Old West town of Serenity. He winds up escorting three women - Jenny and Maria, two mail order brides, and Kate, a business woman - to Last Chance Gulch in search of a new life. Along the way, Maria's past and Kate's outlaw ex catch up to them, but Mac manages to save the day, and as Old West Maria is about to leave, Old West Mac asks her to stay. In the present day, Mac is roused from his sleep by Maria who is leaving for an assignment. He mentions their planned talk about commitment, and she dismissively says they can talk later as she heads out the door.


Quotes

Maria: I've already lived in too many places. I want to be with one man. With you.
MacGyver: Well . . . you're with me now.
Maria: Like friends, sure. Like lovers, yes. But like a family?
MacGyver: Well, the idea of a family is nice . . .

[Maria wants to talk about commitment.]
MacGyver: It's just not an easy thing for me to talk about. Okay?
Maria: Okay. Take me home.
MacGyver: But I will talk about it . . . I want to talk about it.

Maria: What frightens you? That you won't see other women?
MacGyver: Oh, I don't know. I don't think that's it.

Jenny: The guys I know never talk about how they really feel.
Murphy: That's because men are afraid of their feelings.
Maria: Are all American men so frightened of their emotions? Or is it they are frightened of women?
MacGyver: Oh, come on.

Jenny: They get seriously disturbed about using dirty words. Like love.

MacGyver: I've got something to say about all this.
Murphy: Yeah?
[Jenny, Murphy, and Maria look at Mac.]
Murphy: And?
MacGyver: And I'm going to bed.

"They got money, but they don't smell no sweeter." Bear, about the Bozers

Kid Curry: Who is this MacGyver?
Jesse: He's got a spread outside Serenity. Word is, he don't wear a gun.
Sundance: Is he gutless or just simple-minded?
Outlaw: I hear he kinda invents things to get himself out of trouble.
Kid Curry: Well, I don't think he can invent a way to stop a bullet.

[Dr. Destiny reads Maria's palm.]
Dr. Destiny: You have journeyed a great distance.
MacGyver (sarcastic): Now how on Earth did you figure that out?

"You are fleeing a dark and terrible occurrence in your past. You seek - and need - a new life." Dr. Destiny, proving he's not a complete charlatan

"You carry secrets. Each of you. Wounds on your souls. The wounds will only heal if you trust in each other." Dr. Destiny, parting ways with Mac and the women

[Mac catches Maria bathing in the creek.]
MacGyver: Beautiful women are not common in these parts.
Maria: Thank you. Beautiful or not, it's better to be clean, I think.

Maria: Perhaps you are shy?
MacGyver: Well, as a matter of fact, ma'am, I am.

Kate: You don't own me.
Kid Curry: Yeah, I think I do, Kate.

Kid Curry: You owe me, Kate. Who kept you fed and clean? Put shoes on your feet?
Kate: You could be talking about your horse!

Maria: You saw the poster.
MacGyver: Who'd you murder?
Maria: Would you believe me if I told you nobody?

Jenny: Keep your hands off me!
Billy: Wait a minute. I'm Billy the Kid.
Jenny: Then it's time you grew up.

Maria: What are we going to do?
MacGyver: Oh, there's bound to be an idea here somewhere.

Outlaw: Who are you, pilgrim?
MacGyver: Locomotive Luke. Call me Loco.

Outlaw #1: What can we do?
Maria: Lye soap. Scrub yourselves down.
Outlaw #2: Take a bath? Yuck!
MacGyver: It's cruel. It's unhuman. But it's the only way.

Bozer: We got to get going before that Kid Curry fella gets back.
MacGyver: Yeah. He strikes me as a kinda unfriendly fella.


Bitter Harvest

Original Air Date: November 19, 1990
Episode #113

While driving through the farm community of Kasabian, MacGyver's car breaks down. He spies a group of protesters gathering and goes over to listen. The speaker, Tony Garcia, criticizes the growers for using pesticides with known effects on human health. Caspar Kasabian, the target of Tony's tirade, arrives, denying the accusations and saying that he cares about his workers and that his company follows the pesticide regulations. Fighting breaks out between the protestors and Kasabian's men, and Mac joins in when he sees that Tony is being double-teamed. The sheriff and his deputies quickly stop the fight, and Mac is arrested with the others. In jail, Alex, Tony's quick-tempered brother-in-law, taunts Hector Lopez for continuing to work for Kasabian, but Tony silences Alex and tells Hector to do what he has to do. Mac questions Tony about what he said at the protest, and Tony explains his concern that the pesticides are making the workers and their children sick. Released from jail, Tony offers to let Mac stay with him. However, on the way, a truck rams the car, and someone shoots at them. They crash and flee in a nearby vineyard, where Tony shoves Mac into hiding and runs to draw the fire. Mac hears two gunshots, and he goes to investigate only to be knocked unconscious with a two-by-four. The attacker hurries away to avoid an oncoming tractor which sprays everything - including Mac. Mac wakes up at the Garcia household, where Tony's wife Carmen explains that Tony is missing. The sheriff, insisting that Kasabian is a law-abiding citizen, is not too eager to investigate Tony's disappearance. Mac and Alex visit the scene of the attack and find a button - and a blood stain. They realize that Tony is probably dead, and Alex goes to tell his sister. Wanting to see what Tony was fighting for, Mac secretly joins the workers on Kasabian's farm, but Hector Lopez catches Mac snooping and sends him away. The next day, Mac tests a sample that he took and finds evidence of Fixx, an illegal growth enhancer. He calls Pete Thornton at the Phoenix Foundation, who will send a team to run more tests. Elsewhere, as Nick Kasabian learns of Mac's snooping, Caspar Kasabian arrives to confront his son. The sheriff wants to talk to Nick about Tony Garcia, and Caspar thinks their company should negotiate with the workers about the pesticide usage. Furious, Nick confesses to his father that they have been using Fixx before heading out to deal with the problem. Meanwhile, Mac finds Alex, who has gone to the Kasabian farm for revenge. As they search for more evidence of Fixx, they are discovered by Nick Kasabian and his associate. They enact a plan to kill Alex and Mac and make it look accidental, but Mac finds a way to free them. They fight Nick and his goon, getting the upper hand until Hector Lopez arrives. However, Hector turns on Nick after learning that he killed Tony. At this point, Caspar Kasabian arrives with the sheriff. Nick and his associate are arrested. Later, Mac's car is repaired, and as he leaves town, he hears a radio report about steps toward negotiations between the growers and the workers.


Quotes

"I believe that future generations will look back at the twentieth century's use of toxic pesticides in food production as total madness." Tony Garcia, at the protest against growers spraying harmful chemicals

Tony: Where're you staying, MacGyver?
MacGyver: Not really sure.
Alex: Are you staying?
MacGyver: Not really sure about that either.

Tony: You must be glad you came this way, huh, MacGyver?
MacGyver (with a laugh): Well . . . some day I'll learn to drive on the Interstates.

[Mac regains consciousness.]
Carmen: You were sprayed.
MacGyver (wincing with pain): And hit.

Sheriff: I didn't see any bullet holes.
MacGyver: It was a shotgun.
Sheriff: What are you, some kind of weapons expert?
MacGyver: It was a shotgun.

[Mac has a coughing fit.]
Alex: Are you okay?
MacGyver (recovering): I hope so.

"That makes me feel a lot better, thanks." Mac, after Alex tells of a field worker who died quickly after exposure to a certain pesticide

Mendoza: Get out of here! Troublemakers don't work for me.
Alex: I don't need to work for you to make trouble.

Hector: Now, get off Kasabian's land!
MacGyver: How? It's twenty miles to town.
Hector: Crawl for all I care!

"Let's fertilize section C with them, like we did Garcia." Mendoza, after he and Nick catch Mac and Alex snooping


The Visitor (a.k.a. Trip to Another World)

Original Air Date: December 3, 1990
Episode #114

Driving at night on a rural road, MacGyver spies an otherworldly display. As he watches, his car suddenly quits. Another man stopped on the road comments on the show. Mac goes for a closer look - until a figure in a shiny futuristic suit knocks him out. Coming to, Mac finds himself alone in a field. Looking around, he finds a boy, Tommy Wiley, who also saw the lights. Tommy agrees to take Mac home to call a tow truck. The next day at Mac's hotel, the man from the road introduces himself as Phil Sternweis, vacuum cleaner salesman. Mac gets his car repaired and drives out for another look at the site of the light show. John Wiley is there, and he doesn't want Mac snooping around. The Sheriff arrives, and he urges Mac to get back to the Phoenix Foundation's work at the nearby hot springs. Returning to his car, Mac finds Tommy Wiley. The boy says that his dad has made a deal with the aliens from the ship: Tommy and his family will go to the aliens' home planet so that Tommy's mom can be cured of her cancer. When Tommy says that the trip will cost a lot, Mac suspects a scam and asks where he can find the visitors. Mac meets the couple, Ray and Dawn Rigel, at the nearby campground, but they will not talk to him. Mac visits the Sheriff and explains the con artists' scheme. Dubious, the sheriff agrees to run a check on the Rigels' license plate number. Meanwhile the Rigels ask Mr. Wiley to "neutralize" MacGyver before he ruins their plans for the trip. Later, Mac sneaks into the Rigels' camping trailer and finds the "space suit." Mac is almost discovered by the returning Rigels, but Phil Sternweis appears and distracts the couple with his wares. Not much later, just as Mac figures out how the Rigels created the light show, the Sheriff produces a warrant for Mac's arrest, explaining that John Wiley has charged Mac with trespassing. However, Phil Sternweis, a self-proclaimed concerned bystander, arrives to post bail for Mac. Mac hurries to the Wileys' with his proof, but Tommy's mother won't listen. About to leave, Mac spies a chance to show the Wileys the truth, and he hurries to the barn. Phil joins him, saying he thought Mac could use a hand. The Rigels soon arrive, but John realizes from their preoccupation with getting the money that they really are con artists. Dawn pulls a gun and takes the money. She and Ray lock the Wileys in the barn and set it on fire. Mac and Phil use their display as a distraction. Phil knocks out Dawn, and Mac - with Phil's help - gets the upper hand against Ray. Phil frees the Wileys and puts out the fire but then is nowhere to be found. The Sheriff and his men arrive to arrest the Rigels. Later that night, Tommy ushers everyone outside: another UFO appears and it takes off into the night sky as the stunned group watches.


Quotes

MacGyver: Think your folks would mind if I used their phone?
Tommy: Probably.

Tommy: My dad doesn't like strangers.
MacGyver: It's twelve miles back to Elm Creek.
Tommy: Okay. But I can't promise you nothin'.
MacGyver: "Anything."
Tommy: Whatever.

MacGyver: You didn't see 'em?
Mr. Wiley: I don't have time to go chasin' after lights.

Phil: Tell me, Mr. MacGyver. Do you believe in flying saucers?
MacGyver: Well, as a matter of fact, I tend to chalk that stuff up to natural phenomena.
Phil: But you must admit, considering all the stars out there, life on other planets is more than possible. It's practically a certainty.

MacGyver: Let's just say I have yet to be convinced.

Sheriff: I'm sure Mr. MacGyver means well.
Mr. Wiley: Aw, they're the ones that cause the most trouble!

Sheriff: The Phoenix Foundation's going to build some kind of new power plant up there at the hot spring?
MacGyver: Yeah, geothermal.
Sheriff: Sounds like it could mean paying jobs for these folks. I think that's more important than chasing after little green men, don't you?

MacGyver: I bet this trip costs a lot, huh.
Tommy: Dad says it's worth all we've got if it helps Mom.

"Sheriff, if you don't believe me, quite frankly I don't blame you." Mac, explaining how the con artists are posing as aliens offering a trip to another planet

Ray: Nobody questions your faith and commitment, John. But this MacGyver, he could destroy everything we've worked so hard to accomplish.

Sheriff: I thought I told you to lay off that UFO business.
MacGyver: No, you told me to stay away from the Wileys, which I have done.

Phil: Phil Sternweis. Vortex Vacuums.
Sheriff: Well, I don't need one.
Phil: That's what they all say.

MacGyver: Who do you work for? The Government, police, military, what?
Phil: I'm just a concerned bystander, like you.

MacGyver: How do you manage to keep showing up . . . I mean, it's weird, ya gotta admit.
Phil: A good salesman always manages to be where he's needed the most.

"There has to be a better place. A place where bad things don't happen to good people." Sarah Wiley, refusing to believe that the Rigels are lying


Squeeze Play

Original Air Date: December 17, 1990
Episode #115

MacGyver greets "Mama" Colton, mother to bounty hunters Frank and Jesse, as she returns home from a trip. Inside the house, Mama spies a boy fleeing with a shoebox of her son's baseball cards. Mama and Mac catch the thief but only after he's given the box to an older boy who gets away. Ricky, the thief, explains that he stole the cards to keep the other boy from hurting him. Info from Ricky leads Mac to the Batter's Box collectibles store. Although the clerk is decidedly not helpful, a customer named Wendy tells Mac about the man who received the stolen cards. Outside the store, Wendy explains that counterfeit baseball memorabilia is big business. Mac says that he'll let the police handle the stolen cards, but Wendy says that the police won't do much, since they have bigger problems. Mama arrives with a list of her son's cards, and Mac finally agrees to work with Wendy. At Wendy's place, she explains that she's after a counterfeiter and all-around bad guy named Bill Marsh. Wendy's father arrives, and Mac recognizes him as Novus Riley, a former pro baseball player. Novus asks Wendy to stop investigating Marsh before she gets hurt. Novus leaves, and Wendy explains to Mac that her father's gambling was discovered by the bad guys, so they've been blackmailing him to help sell their phony merchandise. Unknown to Wendy, Marsh is trying hard to coerce the unwilling Novus into stealing items that Reggie Jackson is donating to the baseball museum. As his geeky alter-ego Dexter, Mac sets up a meeting via an on-line collectibles bulletin board. "Dexter" trades an autographed baseball for some baseball cards, then Mac and Wendy follow a tracker on the baseball to Bill Marsh's house. Mac sneaks up to the house and overhears Marsh talking of how to get Novus to steal the Jackson collection. Unfortunately, the impetuous Wendy also sneaks onto Marsh's property and is caught. Recognizing her as Novus's daughter, Marsh calls Novus and demands the Jackson collection. Marsh leaves with Wendy but without the baseball/tracker. Mac returns to Mrs. Colton's, and she knows that Novus will do what Marsh says for Wendy's sake. A lead from Mama connects Mac with Reggie Jackson, and Mac and Reggie find Novus at the stadium about to steal the items. Novus apologizes, but as Reggie leaves and Mac calls the police, Novus drives away with the items. To find Marsh, Mac again poses as Dexter and visits the Batter's Box. When the clerk calls his boss about Dexter's offer, Mac gets the phone number and Mama tracks down the address. Elsewhere, Novus arrives at Home Run Printing. He tries in vain to bargain for his daughter's freedom by producing two of the items - a ball and a bat. Mac arrives. He creates a diversion, and he and Novus knock out Marsh's henchmen. Marsh starts to drive away, but Mac pitches the Jackson ball to Novus who bats it into the printing company's huge lighted sign. The sign crashes onto Marsh's car, foiling his escape. Later, the Colton baseball cards are put on display at the baseball museum.


Quotes

"My mother won't let Billy come home just now. Do you know he had nerve enough to tell her he liked her cooking better than mine?" Mama Colton, to Mac

Mama: You've got to get those cards back. Frank's been saving 'em since the fifties.
MacGyver: Well, Mrs. Colton, I really think you should call the police. They know how to handle--
Mama: And just how quickly do you think they're gonna get here on a call about some baseball cards?

"MacGyver, you always said just call if I needed help when the boys weren't here, didn't you?" Mama, guilting Mac into helping

Clerk: Can't help you.
MacGyver: Can't? Or won't?
Clerk: I don't know, take your pick.

Wendy: Hey, big guy, I think you and I could wreak some havoc together. I'm Wendy.
MacGyver: MacGyver. And I don't have time to wreak havoc right now.

"Buddy, you tell a cop you got a baseball card problem, and he's gonna look at you like you lost your cotton-pickin' mind. I've been there." Wendy, after Mac says he's going to let the police handle it

"You're both traveling on the same path, and she seems to know the road!" Mama Colton, encouraging Mac to work with Wendy

MacGyver: So. You're a baseball fan.
Wendy: I'm not a fan, I'm a product.
MacGyver: Product?
Wendy: I love baseball and hate anything that hurts it.

"They got him in a squeeze play." Wendy, explaining how her dad's being blackmailed

"The minute I saw you, I knew you were the man for the job." Wendy, thrilled with Mac's plan

Dexter: Nice elevator you got.

"Boy, I really think I'm skinnin' a fat pig here." Dexter, being delighted with the merchandise

"Next time I go in and you answer the phone." Wendy, to Mac

"Wait a minute. I seem to remember my niece Myra's husband's brother's wife boasts that she's been best friends with an old friend of Reggie Jackson's." Mama, with her own version of Six Degrees of Separation

Clerk: What can I do for you, Chief?
Dexter: I wanna buy cards. Lotta cards.
Clerk: What kind of cards you want to buy?
Dexter: Baseball cards, maybe? Whaddaya think!

Dexter: I've got a list here. Great big long list. I love lists.

Novus Riley: I'm glad to see you.
MacGyver: Oh, really?

"It took me a lifetime to learn, but . . . there's some things it's just not right to put a price on." Novus, finally getting a clue


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