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MacGyver-Themed Top Tens


Ten Classic MacGyver Responses

10) "Sometimes I just hate it when I'm right" - after his theory of bullet holes in the radiator proves true (Bushmaster)
9) "You fall" - response to Pete's question about rapelling, What happens if the line breaks? (The Road Not Taken)
8) "Bold and nosy. I'm famous for that" - when someone challenges that they wanted to see how bold he is (Tough Boys)
7) "Little dirt never hurt anybody" - playing a con artist to fool the bad guy (Twice Stung)
6) "I don't give a rat's pajamas about the money" - after Jack tries to persuade him with talk of a reward (Jack in the Box)
5) "That's what I figure, too - of old age, hopefully" - when Quayle threatens Mac with You'll be the last one to die. (Deathlock)
4) "My Jeep went over a cliff, I died... and went to Thanksgiving?" - response to Do you remember what happened? (The Outsiders)
3) "You were expecting a skyhook?" - when Nikki expresses dismay at having to climb up the mountain (The Widowmaker)
2) "I don't have time to wreak havoc right now" - after Wendy says they could wreak some havoc together (Squeeze Play)
1) "Mixin' stuff" - response to What are you doing? (High Control)


Top Ten Rejected Names For The MacGyver Series

10) BobGyver
9) GacMyver
8) Mac to the Future
7) Maclighting
6) No Gun, Will Travel
5) Pete In Charge
4) The Adventures of Mr. Mullet
3) Sir Moves-A-Lot
2) The Phoenix Chronicles
1) Secret Angus Man


Top Ten Ways MacGyver Would Be Different If It Was Made Today

10) The bulk of Mac's efforts would be spent on grisly crime scene investigation
9) Almost twice as many commercials would reduce the show's actual running time to approximately 41 minutes (including the theme song and closing credits)
8) Most searches for bad guys would involve Google Earth
7) Instead of being positive and well-adjusted, Mac would be moody with issues - LOTS of issues
6) Mac would teleconference with contacts, rather than traveling to meet them
5) Murdoc would be a main character, because viewers love an anti-hero
4) When Mac went missing, Pete would locate him with GPS on his cell
3) No need for Mac to know science: he'd look everything up using an iPhone app
2) Characters would sing and viewers would call in to vote on who would be killed off
1) It would be cancelled after three episodes


Top Ten Rejected MacGyver Plots

10) Unexpected repercussions from Jack's fraudulent tax returns
9) Blatant ripoff of the last Indiana Jones film
8) The bad guys frame Mac by hiding overdue library books in his apartment
7) MacGyver and Murdoc? Twins separated at birth
6) Mac falls asleep and has a dream that *isn't* about the Old West
5) New character: JoJo the super-spy chimp
4) Crossover with Married With Children to compare mullets with Bud Bundy
3) Penny Parker stops rambling
2) Mac wakes to discover that his life of adventures was just a dream
1) MacGyver - the Musical!


Top Ten Signs Pete Is Working Too Hard

10) In his latest report on the Phoenix Foundation's space program, the word "Klingon" appears 97 times
9) Pronounces CIA as See-ya
8) Assigns agents to have himself followed
7) Officially changed his name to P.Tho
6) At McDonald's, he orders Big Mac, fries and drink separately instead of taking advantage of the extra value meal
5) Keeps accidentally chewing the plastic explosives
4) Thought The Dukes of Hazzard movie was a good idea
3) Instead of a trench coat, he now wears a lovely pink bathrobe
2) Refers to his gun as Mr. Shooty
1) Mac is on vacation and Pete refuses to call him to help on a case


Top Ten Least Impressive MacGyverisms

10) Rolled-up newspaper used as a flyswatter
9) "Recycling" an outfit when there's no clean laundry
8) Cuff links made from dice
7) Dice made from cuff links
6) Swiss Army Knife used as a paperweight
5) Wet-dry beard trimmer with night vision
4) Glove-compartment shaved-ice maker
3) Pepper grinder that dispenses a little too much pepper
2) Digital clock that is also a radio
1) Duct-tape pants


Top Ten Rejected Ways for Murdoc to Die

10) Flung into orbit by giant catapult
9) Exploding toilet
8) Pop rocks and soda
7) Really, really, really big paper cut
6) Crunched between fantastically strong thighs of Ms. Suzanne Somers
5) Practicing new choke hold on himself
4) Beaten with chair by a hillbilly on "Jerry Springer"
3) Gets amnesia and forgets to breathe
2) Running with scissors
1) Old age


Top Ten Things MacGyver Would Never Say

10) "Murdoc's dead. This time I'm sure of it!"
9) "Hand me that whatchamacallit and I'll tighten this doohickey."
8) "I trust you my friend, Jack Dalton."
7) "Do you have a bandage? Because I've got an ow-ie."
6) "Sorry, Pete. I'm busy."
5) "This plan will never work. We're doomed."
4) "H-2-O . . . is that 2 H's or 2 O's?"
3) "For five bucks, I'll give you my Swiss Army Knife."
2) "Duct tape? I don't need no stinkin' duct tape!"
1) "Will you marry me?"


Top Ten Things Jack Dalton Says Every Day

10) "What? You don't like eggs with chocolate sauce?"
9) "About that money I owe you..."
8) "Jack Dalton? Never heard of him. My name's MacGyver."
7) "I need a favor."
6) "Lying? Moi? You wound me."
5) "I'm a changed man."
4) "We're partners, Partner."
3) "We're gonna be rich!"
2) "Oh, why didn't I listen to you?"
1) "Don't worry. I have a plan."


Top Ten Things Murdoc Can Do To Improve His Image

10) After shooting someone, stick around to help with the cleanup
9) Publish a pamphlet teaching people how to have nine lives
8) Travel with a monkey. Everyone loves monkeys
7) When stealing a car, try really hard not to wreck it
6) New strong-arm tactic: take someone to the circus and then threaten to never take them again!
5) Point out that there are *plenty* of people he has not killed
4) Always carry gum, and periodically offer it to strangers
3) Deny committing any crimes. Blame a mysterious one-armed man.
2) Instead of using torture to get his way, try saying "please."
1) Make someone else look worse


Top Ten Signs You're Not MacGyver

10) You do good deeds only for yourself.
9) Not once have you had to use your Swiss Army Knife.
8) You're not threatened, shot at, tied up or chased on a regular basis.
7) When something breaks, you usually just buy another to replace it.
6) You "ain't got no use for book-learnin'."
5) You can't remember the last time you lost your memory. (pardon the pun)
4) The only travel involved in your job is a trip down the hall to the restroom.
3) You usually react to problems by whining.
2) You failed high school Physics.
1) You don't have any ex-girlfriends.


Top Ten Ways to Celebrate the Release of MacGyver on DVD

10) March into Bloomingdale's and announce, "The SAKs are on me!"
9) Send thank you letter to Paramount. Graciously avoid asking what took them so long.
8) Declare the release date a national holiday. Haggle for discounts at stores.
7) Eat your weight in bean sprouts.
6) Travel the world - or the Internet if you're on a budget - looking for locations where MacGyver episodes were filmed.
5) Use duct tape to solve some sort of problem.
4) 50 pounds of butter, a hockey stick, a whole lot of firecrackers, a folding chair, some chips, and your best friend's car.
3) Take the day off work, claiming it's an important cultural occasion.
2) Plant a tree for each and every episode.
1) Say only lines spoken by MacGyver.


The next eight sets of top tens are from:
http://www.eviltwinltd.com/muppetlabs/tntmac.htm


Top Ten Things MacGyver worries about

10) Pete bugging him about getting a haircut again
9) Bean sprouts in the fridge changing color
8) Swiss Army Knife; what is THAT attachment for?
7) Yellow truck needs new muffler
6) Does life really exist on other planets
5) Committment
4) Friends may find out what his first name is
3) Will makeshift rewiring to get VCR timer to work hold long enough to record six Bonanza episodes while he's gone
2) Getting a call from Jack Dalton
1) Forgetting exactly where he lives right now


Top Ten Things To Do Since MacGyver's Not On

10) Research Swiss Army Knives to find out which one is just right for you
9) Build a plane in your living room
8) Get around to studying that "Cooking With Tofu" book
7) Find really neat hockey game for computer
6) List reasons why American Gladiators is so bad
5) Have a friend drop by with some wild story of ancient treasure. Let them talk you into helping them and get into lots of trouble finding something which you'll decide is just best left buried anyway
4) Watch The Bachelor (if you're really desperate)
3) Stick in a tape of an old western, fall asleep and have really wild dreams about living back in the old west
2) Put in tape of favorite Mac episode. Send detailed critique to the fanlisting webmistress.
1) Complain


Pete's Top Ten Complaints About MacGyver

10) Other Phoenix operatives jealous becuase Mac is part time and still gets the best assignments
9) Keeps bringing up that story about the camel
8) Has some really weird friends
7) Health food kick sometimes very annoying
6) Makes climbing up ropes seem so easy
5) Plays old Dark Shadows tapes at office parties
4) Keeps forgetting to submit change of address cards to Phoenix records department
3) Makes jokes about DXS
2) Isn't really trying to understand Pete's passion for golf
1) Where does he get off being so darned good-looking


Top Ten Occasions On Which MacGyver Likes to Pretend He's Dexter

10) Scamming loan sharks with fake betting operations
9) Waiting for his plane at the airport
8) Jack's Birthday
7) Science Fiction Conventions
6) Infiltration of the operations of people who swipe submarines
5) Halloween (scares the hell out of the neighbors)
4) Guest spots on Leno's Tonight Show
3) Anytime the DXS calls
2) Buying, trading and selling baseball cards to crooked dealers
1) Blind dates Pete sets him up on


Murdoc's Top Ten Thanksgiving Day Traditions

10) Watch Thanksgiving day parade; think up evil plots involving large BARNEY balloon
9) Send Penny Parker a bouqet of Black Hellebore
8) Quickly switch off football games; never violent enough
7) Wax nostalgic about the Thanksgiving when he assassinated an unwary ambassador
6) Work on resume to send to new organization C.A.N (Carnage And Naughtiness Inc.)
5) Put fake bomb under Jack's bed. Install camera to catch his reaction
4) Buy all the stovetop stuffing at the local grocery stores, so there won't be any when desperate last minute shoppers go looking
3) Make crank call to Pete's house; tell him the DXS is willing to pay him a million dollars if he'll come back
2) Make list of 101 creative ways to kill MacGyver (Well, he works on that everyday)
1) Volunteering at local homeless shelters to strangle Turkeys


MacGyver's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

10) Stop pirating videos of classic westerns
9) Catch Murdoc this year
8) Fight for some environmental issue or other
7) Find favorite Swiss Army Knife; lost in couch
6) Label everything he packs... next time he moves
5) Return overdue library book... "A Hundred Ways To Overcome Procrastination"
4) Watch Penny Parker's latest acting effort; something about a reporter and a super hero
3) Never tell silly camel joke to Pete again
2) Take a nap and dream of being in the old west and going by the unlikely name of Nicodemus Legend
1) Make a commitment


Top Ten Reasons Murdoc Is Not In MacGyver's New Adventure

10) All booked up; assassination in Guam, murder in Saigon, helping out with some smuggling from Cairo to Germany. Just couldn't find a moment
9) Worried that MacGyver might look younger than him
8) Heard it was being shown out of order
7) Plastic surgery sagging a bit; have to get some nips and tucks
6) Between jobs; have money; time to party down
5) Afraid Jack Dalton might be in it
4) Broadway musical "Cleo Rocks" really taking off
3) Villains in "Indiana Jones" type films tend to die in rather gory and much more final ways than those to which he's accustomed
2) Could not think of a hairstyle he hadn't used in the previous confrontations
1) Waiting to see if that Clinton Health Care Plan will cover him


Top Ten Possible Explanations Of Why Murdoc Never Dies

10) What?! If he was really dead, how could there be sequels?
9) He doesn't really exist. He's a figment of Mac's fevered imagination. Murdoc episodes are only nightmare sequences. This would explain all the inconsistencies in "Partners", like how Pete and Mac really met (we know it had something to do with a camel and quicksand) and why Mac seems more like Dexter in flashback, than the smart aleck that we knew and loved at the beginning of the series
8) The Highlander Theory - He's an immortal. You gotta decaptitate him to make it stick. (Thanks to various list folks for this theory, as I wouldn't know Highlander from a hole in the ground)
7) Good genes
6) He's been taking lessons from the great super-villains, Like the Master, Lex Luthor, Moriarty, Miguelito Loveless, Stefano DiMera, Wo Fat, Lina Lamont, Negaduck, Janos Skorzeny.... and getting high marks, too
5) Pact with the devil
4) He does die... every time. Then the writers and producers of MacGyver perform an obscure arcane ceremony to bring him back
3) The Forever Knight Theory -- He's a vampire. You gotta pound a stake through his heart. (I do know Forever Knight from a hole in the ground, but if Murdoc's a vampire, he's exceedingly poor at it)
2) Clean living?
1) It's in his contract


This top ten was contributed by
MacGyver fan #755, Samantha Ryan. Thank you, Samantha!

My Top Ten Reasons for Liking MacGyver

a. He is extremely good-looking. N.B. this is a valid reason.
b. He's not a normal hero, in that he is a fairly normal person.
c. He does what he thinks is the right thing, even when there's nothing in it for him but danger.
d. He has a great sense of humour.
e. Nobody can find anything about him that they hate.
f. MacGyver never uses potentially lethal force unless he has only a split-second to act, and there is no other choice.
g. He isn't always right.
h. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt.
i. He is never vindictive.
j. He is very forgiving.


Acknowledgments

Additional sources/inspirations for these top tens are listed on the links page.


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