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The Ten Percent Solution

Original Air Date: November 20, 1989
Episode #092

MacGyver joins Pete Thornton at an auction, where Pete introduces Dr. Laura Sand, an art expert. Pete bids successfully on a painting, but the auction is interrupted by an old man who claims that the painting was stolen from his family by the Nazis. When the man struggles to take the painting, a hole is punched in the canvas. The man is arrested. Back at the Phoenix Foundation, Dr. Sand and her associate believe they can repair the damage. Mac goes to the jail to talk to the man, who said that he can prove that the painting is his. Pete observes that according to the auction records, Lyle Hoggart is the seller. Not far away, Hoggart arrives at the Bonaventure Silver Mine, where he reports that Sam Bolinski is the man who interrupted the auction. Mme. Brandenberg, an older woman with a German accent, says that they can't afford to have questions raised. At the jail, Sgt. Gray agrees to let Mac talk to Sam. As Sam is brought into the lobby, Mac sees a janitor pull out a knife. Mac stops the man from attacking Sam; Sgt. Gray returns to the room and shoots the attacker. Mac visits the Phoenix Foundation with Sam, who explains that he worked as a clerk for the Nazis to avoid being put to death. When he found where his family's stolen art was cataloged, he ripped the pages from the ledger and kept them. Mac and Sam head to Sam's house to retrieve the documents. Dr. Sand goes to confront Lyle Hoggart about his family's supposed purchase of the painting, but Hoggart responds by pulling a gun on her. Hoggart's thugs arrive at Sam's place, and abduct Mac and Sam at gunpoint. Pete arrives as Sgt. Gray and the police are investigating the abduction. Pete asks the sergeant to check out local mines, because a residue from silver mining was found on the painting. Arriving at the mine, Mac and Sam find Dr. Sand a prisoner as well. Sam remembers Mme. Brandenberg: she was the wife of a Nazi officer. After she burns the pages that Sam kept, she boasts that she is part of a plan to take five of the fifty states and make a new Aryan nation. She says that they already have people of influence in place, and her grandson, William Brand, is running for Congress. Having been tipped off that the police may search the place, the bad guys begin to pack their stolen artwork. Hoggart takes Mac, Sam and Dr. Sand to the mine, where he locks them in a room and rigs up a gas chamber. Mac is able to free them. As Mac tries to obtain a van to drive them out, Sam sneaks to the main house. Elsewhere, as Pete searches for clues, he uncovers Hoggart's - and Sgt. Gray's - connection to the Bonaventure mine. As Pete and the police arrive at the mine, Mac finds Sam pointing a gun at Mme. Brandenberg. Sam decides not to shoot, and he ushers Madame outside to the police.


Quotes

Pete: MacGyver, you look terrific. You should wear a tux more often.
MacGyver: Strictly camouflage. As long as I have to be here, I might as well blend in.

MacGyver: Quite a painting, huh?
Dr. Sand: Peter Paul Rubens. The hills north of Antwerp. About 1625.
MacGyver: Sixteen twenty-five? I wouldn't give you fifteen bucks for it ...
[He grimaces at his bad joke.]
MacGyver: Sorry.
Dr. Sand: I know where you can get a good deal on a matador painting. On black velvet?
MacGyver: Now you're talkin' art.

MacGyver: I could've disarmed him, you know.
Sgt. Gray (about Mac's knife wound): It looks like he was disarming you. You better get that looked at.

Dr. Sand: You know, Rubens painted a lot of Antwerp landscapes, Mr. Bolinski. Are you sure this one is yours?

Sam: As a boy, I would stare into it and wonder, "What was behind that hill?" "What was beyond those trees?" . . . I grew up in this painting, Dr. Sand.

MacGyver: Do you remember when the painting was stolen?
Sam: October 12, 1040. It was a Saturday morning. It just happened to be Yom Kippur.

Sam: Is Sand your real name?
Dr. Sand: Actually, it's Sandberg. My grandfather changed it when he arrived at Ellis Island.
Sam: Changing your name, you can do. But changing who you are . . . This you can never do.

"That was one bumpy ride." Sam, arriving home in Mac's old truck

MacGyver: What happened? How did you get here?
Mme. Brandenberg: She made the same mistake you did, young man. She asked too many questions.

"I see you're a Brand supporter." Mac, to Mme. Brandenberg

Dr. Sand: Those are historic documents!
Mme. Brandenberg: And now they are historic ash.

Mme. Brandenberg: People of influence. All of them our people. Looking out for our interests. Security of the white race.
MacGyver: Didn't a guy named Adolf try that once before?
Mme. Brandenberg: Hitler moved too fast. We have learned patience. First infiltrate . . . then dominate.

Hoggart: Congressional elections are expensive.
MacGyver: So is buying cops. Hello, Gray.
Sgt. Gray: They didn't have to buy me, MacGyver. I was sold on 'em years ago.

Sgt. Gray: This is nuts. Why don't we just shoot 'em?!
Hoggart: Madame is feeling nostalgic.

Sam: It smells like garlic.
MacGyver: That must be acetylene.

Mme. Brandenberg: Revenge? Is that it?
Sam: Some would call it justice.

Sam: You deserve to die. The world would be a better place without your kind.
Mme. Brandenberg: The feeling is mutual. Perhaps we are not so different, you and I.


Two Times Trouble

Original Air Date: December 11, 1989
Episode #093

On the set of a music video, MacGyver's long-time friend, Roxie Yates sings to support the Phoenix Foundation's anti-drug campaign. When the song ends, Eve, the director of the video, says that Roxie needs to be more serious about what she's singing. Roxie spouts that she likes the way she did the song, and when Eve calls Roxie on her attitude, Roxie storms off the set. A few minutes later, Mac arrives at Roxie's trailer and hears her arguing with a man who threatens her before he leaves. Roxie explains that the man is her ex-manager Rogan. Spying a picture, Mac asks about Roxie's twin sister, Carla, but Roxie says that they are not close like they used to be. Getting back to the matter at hand, Roxie agrees to return to work on the video. She invites Mac home to see her place, but as they are carried up in the private penthouse elevator, the car starts to slip. Climbing up on the elevator, Mac observes that the cable mounts are not going to hold. He helps Roxie out, and they cling to a pipe as the elevator falls. Safely in Roxie's apartment, Mac asks if Rogan would try something like that, but Roxie says that it was Carla who tried to kill her. Mac goes to visit Carla, who is painting a landscape. Looking at some of her other work, Mac recognizes a mountain that they climbed as kids, called Lost Arrow. When Mac says that Roxie suspects Carla of trying to hurt her, Carla says that her sister is paranoid. She says that Roxie spent a year at the Pine Valley Hospital after a nervous breakdown. Back at the studio, Roxie says that Carla called to gloat about Mac's visit because she's always been jealous of the relationship between Roxie and Mac. Later, Rogan knocks at the door to Roxie's apartment. He hears Roxie in another room saying that the papers he wants are on the terrace. He steps out to get them, but Carla sneaks up and sends him over the rail. After the police leave, Roxie tells Mac that Carla killed Rogan to try to hurt her. Looking for answers, Mac visits the Pine Valley Hospital, but he learns from the doctor that Carla, not Roxie, was the patient. Mac returns to Carla's place. He lets himself in through the unlocked door, but Carla isn't there. Inspecting the painting of Lost Arrow, he begins to realize what has happened. He soon finds evidence to support his theory: Carla and Roxie are the same person. Inside the studio, "Roxie" finishes up her part of the video. She follows a person with a ponytail - "Carla?" - into another studio. Mac arrives and finds Carla standing on the stage. He says that her painting reveals what happened: Roxie and Carla were mountain climbing at Lost Arrow, but Roxie fell. They were roped together, and Carla tried to save her, but Roxie cut the rope to keep Carla from being pulled over the edge, too. Not wanting to let her sister go, Carla kept Roxie alive by pretending to be her. Carla tries to deny it, but she finally realizes that her sister is dead. Later, Carla returns to the hospital, and Mac offers to stop by and visit.


Quotes

Higher Life
(The lyrics to the Phoenix Foundation's anti-drug song, as transcribed by the "Live and Learn" webmistress. No infringement intended.)

Come on in, gonna party all night
We're gonna rock
Cause we won the fight
On the war on drugs
Here in paradise

Oh, but people don't see this Heaven on earth
Wastin' all their time
Don't know what it's worth
They've given up
They don't know how to live the

(Higher life)
We're living the
(Higher life)
Oh yeah
And you know we won't give in
We got one life, and we're here to win

(Higher life)
We're living the
(Higher life)
Oh yeah
We're staying clear, staying clean
Because this life means everything

Na na na
Na na na
Na na na na

Na na na
Na na na
Na na na na

Stay clean
Stay straight

Na na na na na na

The devil's always there to pull you down
To the pool of drugs
He'll watch you drown
But we're staying strong
To get our dreams

(Higher life)
We're living the
(Higher life)
Oh yeah
And you know we won't give in
We got one life, and we're here to win

(Higher life)
We're living the
(Higher life)
Higher life
We're staying clear, staying clean
Because this life means everything
Oh, yeah

Na na na
na na na
na na na na

Stay clean
Stay straight

Na na na
Na na na
Na na na na

Life's too short
Stay clean

"I'm impressed. It's a . . . catchy tune." MacGyver, to Roxie after her song

Eve: We're doing a video about drugs. About how getting high on drugs is bad news. It doesn't call for sexy looks and toothy smiles...
Roxie: What about it, MacGyver? You said it worked for you, right?

MacGyver: I'm a fan, not the director. She might have a point.

Roxie: I didn't count on having to deal with a lot of garbage from Dragon Lady over there.
Eve: Look, if you had as much talent as you have mouth, you would just begin to be the kind of star you think you are.

"That girl is not the singer she used to be. She's lost something." Eve, after Roxie storms off

Roxie: My manager. Ex-manager, that is. Turns out, he's a thief. I'm looking for a new one. You interested?
MacGyver (teasing): Handling temperamental talent? No way.

MacGyver: He never could tell you and Carla apart. How's she doin'?
Roxie (evasively): Carla's Carla.

[After the climb out of the elevator shaft.]
MacGyver: You okay?
Roxie: I've had better days.

"Look at you. You're still the best looking guy on the block." Carla, to Mac

MacGyver: She said she thought you were trying to hurt her.
Carla: What is it? Did she have another accident?

"I thought she was finally cured of dumping her paranoia all over me." Carla, about Roxie

"Carla's jealous of you and me? Come on. That was high school!" Mac, to Roxie

"I've had to put up with a lot from Carla. Don't you turn on me, too." Roxie, to Mac

Roxie: Remember all the fun we used to have?
MacGyver: Yeah, I do.
Roxie: That smile. You have the nicest smile of anybody I've ever known.

Roxie: I already told you. My sister hates me.
MacGyver: Does that mean she hated Rogan, too? Why did he have to die?

Roxie: She thought I was in love with him . . . I was, once.
MacGyver: So she figured that by hurting someone you loved, it was the same as hurting you?
Roxie: That's the way Carla's mind works.

"Roxie isn't here, MacGyver. I've been looking for her myself." Carla, after Mac finds her


The Madonna

Original Air Date: December 18, 1989
Episode #094

At St. Mary's Church on Christmas Eve, a wooden Madonna statue is discovered to be missing. Not far away, MacGyver and Pete Thornton load presents into a van for the Phoenix Foundation's gift drive. Pete observes that Mac must be thinking losing about his mother, but Mac dismisses that, saying that it was a long time ago. After scaring off two punks who were harassing a bag lady, Mac and Pete take the lady, Carol, to the Challengers' Club. Cynthia, the person in charge of the club, reveals that the new landlord is demanding money in an effort to shut the club down: they need to raise $9000 at their upcoming Christmas show. Inside, Cynthia snaps at Breeze to get ready for the show, but he retorts that Christmas is just another day. Carol turns on the TV, and Mac sees his old friend, Father Pat Lafferty reporting about the missing Madonna. Mac and Pete visit St. Mary's, where the cleaning lady says that Mr. Battaglia, the man who gave the statue to the church now has a grudge against them. Mac and Pete go to see the man, but he shouts at them and retreats into his shop. Mac and Pete return to the club after someone reports seeing a bag lady near the church when the statue disappeared. A search of Carol's shopping cart reveals nothing. As Breeze and the other guys try to move the stage, a rack of weights is knocked over, and Cynthia yells at them to be careful. Fed up, Breeze leaves, and the other guys follow. Mac goes to console Cynthia. Tired, she says that maybe the dream for the club died with her husband. After seeing Cynthia crying, Carol finds Breeze at a pool hall. She challenges him to a game, and she wins as if by magic. She gently asks him to help Cynthia. He returns to the club. Mac goes to St. Mary's and finds Mr. Battaglia looking at the spot where the statue stood. Mr. Battaglia wonders how God could take his wife and leave him with such pain. That night, the Challengers' Club is full of visitors waiting to see the show. Mac encourages a little girl with stage fright by telling her about a secret word that he and his mom shared: he says that, no matter what the problem was, all they had to do was say "ice cream" and everything would be all right. Backstage, Carol compliments Father Lafferty on his sermons, but he doesn't recognize her as being in his parish. With the show in full swing, Cynthia counts the money and finds that they didn't reach their goal. Back in the audience, at Carol's prodding, Breeze asks Cynthia to sing the song that she always sang with her husband to end the Christmas show. She starts to sing "I'll Be Home For Christmas." The song gets to Mac, who leaves the room. Father Lafferty follows. Mac laments not being there for his mother, who had a stroke. Father Lafferty says that Mac being there wouldn't have made a difference. He says that Mac's mom kept saying "things that made no sense" about Mac - and ice cream. Hearing that, Mac gets the message: his mom was trying to let him know that everything was alright. He returns to the show, and seeing him, Cynthia powerfully finishes the song. Meanwhile, Carol quietly pushes her cart out and leaves. Soon, they find the exact amount of money they needed left in the office in Carol's pouch. The next day at St. Mary's, Mr. Battaglia presents Father Lafferty with a wooden Christ-child that he made to go with the Madonna. A young boy brings the statue in on a wagon; he says that he found her waiting for a ride. Putting the statue on her stand, Mr. Battaglia observes that the Madonna's hand is damaged, and Pete and Mac exchange a look because Carol had an injury in the same spot after a fall.


Quotes

"I think Santa's giving me a hernia for Christmas." Pete, loading presents into the van

["I'll Be Home For Christmas" starts to play and Mac turns the radio off.]
Pete: What's the matter?
MacGyver: Oh, I don't know . . . This Christmas stuff gets a little sappy after a while, that's all.

Pete: I know this is a tough time of year for you. Thinking about your mother and all.
MacGyver: That was a long time ago, Pete. You get over that kind of stuff.
Pete: Well, you never quite get over losing someone you love, do you.
MacGyver: That's why you stay busy, so you don't have to think about it.

Pete: Do you have a place to stay?
Carol: Well, as a matter of fact, I'm just looking for another abode. Something with a southern exposure.

Carol: I bet your mother always wanted you to be a doctor.
MacGyver: Well, not exactly. But she did always say I was pretty good with my hands.

MacGyver: You know, every time I see you in that collar, I gotta remind myself that you're the same kid that used to run me into the boards during hockey practice.
Father Lafferty: I remember it the other way around.

Pete: You call yourself a Santa?
Street Santa: No, I call myself employed.

"If you think I took it, why do you both look so guilty?" Carol, when Pete and Mac apologetically ask to inspect the contents of her cart

MacGyver: We're sorry for the trouble.
Carol: Oh, it's no trouble. It's not often I'm pursued by one, let alone two, men.

Kid: Weights for wheels. Why didn't we think of that?
MacGyver: I don't know. Why didn't you?

"MacGyver, there's an endless supply of kids that need help, but there's not an endless supply of me!" Cynthia, tired of fighting

"It's easy to play by yourself. Not much challenge in that. Maybe you like it that way." Carol, trying to make a point to Breeze

Breeze: I guess today's your lucky day.
Carol: I have always lived a charmed life.

Breeze: So just 'cause it's Christmas, I'm supposed to get with the program, is that it?
Carol: No. Not because it's Christmas. Because it's the right thing to do.

Carol: Christmas isn't what you get. It's what you give - like love and understanding.

Breeze: I never knew what to get you for Christmas. So I settled for less attitude and more cooperation.
Cynthia: I'll take it. And you don't even have to wrap it up.

Violet: That's it?
MacGyver: Hey, it worked. No matter what the problem was, all either one of us had to say was, "Ice cream," and everything would be perfect.
Violet: Ice cream.
MacGyver: Trust me. I know about these things.

MacGyver: I called her on Christmas and explained why I couldn't make it back home. She said she understood . . . I knew better.
Father Lafferty: And the stroke hit her the next day.

Father Lafferty: She wouldn't have known you were there. She just kept muttering things that made no sense, about you and . . . ice cream. Crazy stuff. But she loved you. Don't ever doubt that.

MacGyver (about Pete in the Santa suit): How'd you talk him into that?
Cynthia: Christmas dinner at my place.
MacGyver: But you were going to invite him anyway.
Cynthia: He didn't know that...


Serenity

Original Air Date: January 8, 1990
Episode #095

Pete Thornton gives MacGyver a ride home. Furious that Pete volunteered him for a project, Mac turns the job down, saying that he needs to sleep. Inside his houseboat, Mac starts to play a videotape of an old Western, but he soon falls asleep. He dreams that he's in the Old West, and he makes his way to a town called Serenity. He stops in at the Red Dog Saloon, where he meets a gambler named Jack Dalton, and dance-hall girl Penny Parker. Milt and Wilt Bozer try to pick a fight when they find out that Mac doesn't drink and doesn't carry a gun, but he manages to best them, and they're thrown out. Mac wants to buy some land, and Jack offers to sell him Big Springs Ranch, which he won in a card game. They ride out to take a look at the property. While they're there, the Bozers arrive with their boss, Pete Thornton. Pete wants that land because he needs the water for his herd. He tries to make Mac leave, but Mac and ranch hand Billy Colton fight back. Pete and his men leave, but Pete warns Mac to get out. Later, Pete hires Murdoc, specifying that he not kill Mac, just scare him away. While Mac rides into town for supplies, Murdoc pays a visit to the ranch. He harasses Lee Sing, the cook, and when Billy tries to stop him, Murdoc kills him. When Pete sees Murdoc again, he pays him and tells him to leave Mac alone, but Murdoc prides himself on completing assignments. Thinking that Pete has gone soft, the Bozers agree to help Murdoc. Pete arrives at the ranch as Mac finishes burying Billy. Pete says that he's backing off, but Mac offers to share the water on the land. Pete agrees. Pete then joins Mac, who is headed to town to see that Murdoc answers to the law for Billy's death. At the saloon, Murdoc takes Penny hostage and sends Jack to find Mac. The Bozers try to stop them; Pete and Jack take care of them while Mac heads to town to confront Murdoc. Seeing someone on a balcony, Mac sneaks up to confront him, but it's a her: Penny. It was a trap. Murdoc appears and shoots Mac, who falls off the balcony. Hurrying to his side, Jack, Pete, and Penny are stunned to find that Mac is alive! The gunshot was blocked by the Swiss-Army style knife that was in his shirt pocket. Murdoc rides away, and present-day Mac is woken up by Pete, who came back to apologize. Mac dismisses it, saying that they're friends. As he starts to tell Pete about his strange dream, Pete finds an old Swiss-Army knife with a bullet-hole in it, just like the one that saved Mac's life in the dream.


Quotes

Pete: What about Project Earthquake? I don't think you realize just how important it really is.
MacGyver: So was the last one, and the one before that - they're all important.

Pete: I told the Board we would do it. I gave them my word; I made a commitment!
MacGyver: You committed me! Without asking me!

MacGyver: Come on, Pete. Look at me! I'm a hurtin' guy! I'm beat up! I need a month's worth of sleep . . . And I need a haircut!

Pete: What am I going to tell the Board?
MacGyver: Tell them you made a big mistake.
Pete: Mistake? What mistake?
MacGyver: You forgot to ask me!
[He slams the door.]

(Note: the remaining quotes for this episode are all from Mac's dream.)

"Just picked the name off a map 'cause it sounded peaceful. I'm lookin' to settle some land that hasn't been fought over." Mac, on why he's going to Serenity

MacGyver: I'm done with guns.
Wagon Driver (stunned): A man needs a gun.
MacGyver: You know, I can't figure why. I wasn't born with one. I surely don't plan on dyin' with one.

Wagon Driver: You will be the only man in Montana without a gun! How will you defend yourself?
MacGyver: Well, I'll just have to think of somethin'.

Jack: Dalton. Andrew Jackson Dalton, no relation to the Dalton Gang. Call me Jack.
MacGyver: MacGyver.
Penny: First or last?
MacGyver: Yep.

"He don't drink, he don't fight, and he don't carry a gun. I bet he's wearin' lace underwear." Wilt, about Mac

Penny: Oh, that's real brave, Milt Bozer. Drawin' down on an unarmed man.
MacGyver: It's a lot safer that way.

Lee Sing: They scared!
MacGyver: Scared of what?
Jack: Nothing, I assure you. He's undoubtedly suffering the effects of his own bad cooking.

"I don't think I've ever seen a grown man walkin' around naked before." Pete, after learning that Mac doesn't carry a gun

Pete: You're a peaceful sort of fella, ain't cha.
MacGyver: Yep.
Pete: Some might even say "gutless."
[He shoves Mac a little.]
MacGyver: Might.
Pete (laughing): Well, then. Why don't you just pack up your stuff?
[He shoves Mac again.]
Pete: And, uh, ask my pardon? And then GIT!
[He shoves Mac again, hard.]
MacGyver: Nope.
[He punches Pete.]

"The man has a reputation for takin' care of problems." Pete, about Murdoc

"He's some kind of light-in-the-boots Englishman!" Milt, about Murdoc

MacGyver: I came out here because I wanted my life to be different. I believe that's the way the world gets better: one person at a time.

Penny: A man named Murdoc. They say he's killed more than a dozen men. Not countin' Indians.

Penny: You're lookin' to help him after what he tried?
MacGyver: Sometimes a desperate man does dumb things.

Pete: WHY?! Why did you have to kill him?!
Murdoc: Well, I didn't have to, Thornton. I chose to, as a calling card.

Murdoc: I have a reputation for always completing my professional assignments, and I . . . I rather treasure that reputation.
Pete: With any luck, that's what they'll carve on your tombstone.

Milt: He shamed us, and he shamed you.
Pete: And I had a man killed. Now which do you think is worse?

"Your timing's a bit irregular." Mac, to Pete who arrives wanting to talk

MacGyver: You think the Marshall in Serenity will stand up to Murdoc?
Pete: Wyatt? He's about as tough as a bucket of warm spit.

Pete: They're all scared of Murdoc.
MacGyver: That's reasonable. So am I.

Pete: That was Wilt Bozer.
Jack: How do you know?
Pete: Because he missed!


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