MacGyver » Season 2
Dalton, Jack of Spies
Original Air Date: February 23, 1987
MacGyver arrives at a funeral home to pay his respects to his flighty friend, Jack Dalton. However, as he looks at Jack lying in the coffin, he notices Jack's left eye twitching the way it always did whenever Jack lied. After ushering the other mourners out, Mac learns that Jack is indeed still alive. Mac demands an explanation, and Jack replies that he was working with the CIA; his cover was blown, so he thought this was the best way to hide. Two guys in suits - the men Jack was hiding from - arrive, and Jack and Mac flee. Jack further explains that he started a messenger service, but he learned that he had been delivering top secret documents to the guys chasing them. He contacted the CIA, and now the bad guys think he knows too much. After Mac and Jack escape from their pursuers, Jack tells how he visited his doctor after their last adventure and found that the spot that was killing him had disappeared. The guys go to meet Jack's CIA contact, but they find him dead at the rendezvous point. The police and the men in suits are there, and one shouts that Mac and Jack are the killers. On the run, Mac and Jack go to a bar to try to intercept the package in the last drop. They find Shadow, the dead agent's partner, but the bad guys arrive. After a brief fight, the bad guys escape, but not without leaving a clue. Mac, Jack, and Shadow sneak into the warehouse of an import-export business, where Mac overhears that a cipher machine, capable of decoding top secret messages, is about to be sold. Unfortunately the trio are caught before they can destroy the machine. The bad guys try to kill them in a trash compactor, but Mac frees them. Returning to the warehouse with the police, the other bad guys are stopped and the cipher machine is back in the hands of the CIA.
MacGyver: Death is a guarantee from the day we're born. But somehow you forget about it, figure it'll never happen - at least not to you or the people you care about. But it does.
"Jack Dalton never believed that anyone or anything could put him away. There wasn't a situation he couldn't cheat his way out of; he always had a plan . . . until now." Mac, looking at Jack in the coffin
MacGyver: Ah, Jack. You could've at least said goodbye.
"I hate seein' him when he looks like this." Mac, nervously explaining why he just slammed the lid on Jack's coffin
MacGyver: Not even Jack could be low enough to lie about something like this.
MacGyver: What are you up to now?!
Jack: Easy, easy. You're makin' enough noise to wake the dead.
MacGyver: If you don't get out of this coffin right now, you're going to wish you were dead!
Jack: If I get out of this coffin, I probably will be dead.
MacGyver: Don't you think six feet under is taking "laying low" a little far?
MacGyver: All right, Jack. Let's have it! Who have you cheated, swindled or robbed this time?
Jack: They think I know too much; they think I finked to the CIA.
MacGyver: Did you?
Jack: Of course!
Jack: So after I crashed, I figured the jungle's as good a place as any to die. But you know something? I didn't die.
Jack: Am I dreaming, or is this a movie?
Michaels: You like movies? How about The Man Who Knew Too Much?
Jack: I was thinking more Three Days of the Condor.
MacGyver (to Jack): What? Remind me.
Jack: That's the one where there's a bad apple in the CIA. He tries to kill Robert Redford because he knows too much.
MacGyver: Oh, that's right. Yeah, with . . .um . . . Faye Dunaway.
MacGyver: Let me get this straight, guys. I want to understand this. You're the bad apples, obviously. And you're covering up the fact that you're double agents double-crossing the CIA.
Jack: I don't think Faye Dunaway could follow this.
MacGyver: Sure she could. Now, we're Robert Redford, and you're about to kill us?
Jack: I only met her once, in a library.
MacGyver: What'd she look like?
Jack: A librarian.
"This is no place for a librarian." Mac, about the club they're in
Jack: Let me do the talking. I've got this spy talk down to a science.
[Jack sits and speaks to the messenger.]
Jack: Do you have my package here?
Messenger: Yes, I have your package here.
MacGyver: That's it? That's spy talk? Some science.
MacGyver: I don't suppose you've got a plan?
Jack: Nah. I figured it was your turn.
"If his shoe spends time there, maybe he does, too." Mac, displaying his amazing powers of logic
Jack: That's the guy that tried to kill us.
MacGyver: Jack, everybody's tried to kill us.
"It lacks the pizzazz of the Trojan horse but what the hey, it seems to be working." Jack, about Mac in the box
"Don't you guys get it? 'Dispose of them.' It's a figure of speech." Mac, as the bad guys are about to lock them in the back of a garbage truck
Jack: I'd say we cleaned up pretty good.
MacGyver: Yep. Kinda makes you glad to be alive again, doesn't it.
Jack: Life is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when it's yours.
Original Air Date: March 2, 1987
MacGyver finds Pete Thornton digging through an old cab in a wrecking yard. Mac climbs in so Pete can hear him, and they discover that each is there because of a note they thought the other sent. At first, Mac suspects one of Jack Dalton's practical jokes, but Pete finds a newspaper clipping that lists them in the obituaries. Mac recalls that they met seven years ago on that day - chasing Murdoc. Suddenly a forklift smashes the roof of the cab, trapping them inside. The forklift then places the cab inside the trailer of a semi, which drives off. Pete and Mac manage to escape from the cab, and Murdoc makes his presence known by talking to them through a speaker. Flashing back to seven years earlier, Mac remembers driving Jack's cab and picking up a woman. However after he drops the woman at her stop, Mac sees a man - Pete - stop and enter the building after her, with a gun. Trying to help, Mac follows and warns her. She escapes in Pete's car, and Pete makes Mac pursue her in the cab. Following on a deserted road, the cab is cut off by a van, and two guys pointing bazookas at them. Murdoc stops and sets up a camera to record their deaths for posterity. As Murdoc prattles on about the "game" he and Pete have played, Mac rigs up a way to send the cab forward while they jump out. Murdoc leaves, and Mac's plan works. Pete catches Murdoc's henchmen, but Jack's cab is blown to pieces. After Murdoc tries to kill Mac again at Jack's apartment, Pete asks for Mac's help in catching him. Mac agrees, "Partners." Pete and Mac visit Jack, who's hospitalized with two broken legs. A nurse enters, but Mac recognizes Murdoc and kicks away the gun that Murdoc pulls. Murdoc runs out of the hospital, climbs a fence and flees into an old building. Unfortunately the building is about to be destroyed, and Mac and Pete watch as charges bring the building down. Since that day, they believed that Murdoc was dead, but Mac points out that they never found a body. In the present, Murdoc stops in a field and unhitches the trailer. He rigs the trailer with dynamite and drives a safe distance away to watch. As a timer ticks down, Mac manages the blow the doors open, and he and Pete jump out. Furious, Murdoc lights another bundle of dynamite and drives toward them, but Mac cracks the windshield with a rock. Murdoc drops the dynamite. He opens the door; as Mac and Pete take cover, the truck explodes. Pete is convinced that Murdoc is dead, but Mac says that there was time for him to get out.
MacGyver: Your note said to meet you here at eight o'clock and bring a bar magnifier.
Pete: My note? I'm here because of your note.
MacGyver: I never sent you a note.
Pete: Dalton? That clown? Are you telling me he got us out here on a wild goose chase?
MacGyver: Yeah, sure. It's his kind of practical joke. He was part of it seven years ago when you and I first met; you remember that?
"In Memoriam. Three dear friends taken before their time. Peter Thornton. Jack Dalton. MacGyver." The announcement in the paper Pete found
MacGyver: Do you remember what happened seven years ago today?
Pete: Yeah. You and I first met.
MacGyver: Yeah. Chasing Murdoc.
MacGyver: Murdoc's just the kind to set these neat, perfect little traps.
Murdoc: Do you remember what Mark Twain once said? The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
Murdoc: I hope it's not too uncomfortable for you back there, gentlemen.
Pete: Not to worry. We'll live.
Murdoc: I seriously doubt that, Thornton.
Pete: What were you tryin' to do back there, be a hero?
MacGyver: I figured the lady needed help.
Pete: That "lady" is a top-level, world-class assassin named Murdoc.
MacGyver: She's a man.
Pete: He's a killer.
Pete: Murdoc is an international terrorist. Specializes in disguises. He's half-chameleon, half rattlesnake. When he makes a hit, he always takes a picture of his victim. Dying.
MacGyver: Keeping an album, is he?
Pete: No. One shot goes to whoever paid for the hit, as proof. And a copy to us, the DXS, just for fun.
MacGyver: And this is who I chose to help?
Pete: For you it's a game; I'm dead serious.
Murdoc: Oh, I'm sure you are, Peter, I'm sure you are. Perhaps that's your biggest problem: a total absence of humor.
"Maybe I can appeal to his sense of justice." Mac, not yet understanding Murdoc
Pete: What's that?
MacGyver: Duct tape. Real handy stuff. Carry it with me all the time.
"You owe him one taxicab and one humongous explanation." Mac to Pete, about Jack
[Jack thinks Pete wants to buy his cab.]
Jack: It's a great cab. Sturdy, durable - can withstand anything.
MacGyver: Not . . . anything.
Jack: Shh! I'm talking.
"Mr. Thornton and I were riding in your cab, chasing this woman who . . . was . . . actually a man who had a guy with a bazooka waiting, and he blew up your cab." Mac, summarizing things for Jack
MacGyver: I can explain.
Jack: Bazookas? You can explain bazookas? YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN BAZOOKAS!
Pete: You are a do-gooder, MacGyver. Ninety percent of the people in the world are smart: they see trouble coming, and they duck and run. Ten percent are like you. Can't resist cleaning up the mess.
Pete: Murdoc won't be happy when he finds out he only blew up the bed.
MacGyver: Neither will Jack.
Pete: Listen, MacGyver. Anybody who can use a paper clip, a pair of shoelaces, and a rusty monkey wrench to take out two bazookas could be very useful in taking Murdoc. Help me.
MacGyver: Forget it! The taxi ride was it. I quit the volunteer business.
Pete: MacGyver, he is going to try to kill you either way.
"He's got honesty the way some people have diseases. Incurable." Jack, to Pete about Mac
Pete: Murdoc doesn't want you. He's after MacGyver.
Jack: He can have him.
MacGyver: Why are you smiling like that?
Pete: I know that look. I've never been able to figure out how your mind works, but I know when it works.
Pete: The old duct tape, huh.
MacGyver: Never leave home without it.
Original Air Date: March 23, 1987
MacGyver and Pete Thornton are asked by their friend Jeff Moore to help rescue a cargo pilot who is being held prisoner in Central America. The pilot, Joe Henderson, is to be tried - then executed - in two days for being a spy. Joe's daughter, Kelly, overhears the flight plans for the rescue; she stows away and parachutes out right before MacGyver. Kelly's presence further complicates things when she admits she doesn't have a passport. She is found hiding from the local police at a checkpoint, and she and Mac are taken into custody. After seeing the weapons that Kelly brought, an officer plans to shoot them both, but Mac frees them. At night, they meet with Raoul Para, Mac's contact. He says that he can only sneak one of them into the complex, and Kelly reluctantly agrees to stay behind. Raoul pretends to take Mac into custody, and he is locked in a cell with Joe. Raoul acquires a tube of freon for Mac to quietly break the lock, and Mac and Joe escape when the guard goes on his rounds. Joe and Mac find Kelly, and Mac fixes up an old Jeep that carries them safely to the pick-up point.
[Pete tries to hand Mac a gun.]
Pete: Here. Just for insurance.
MacGyver: Pete, you know how I feel about those things.
Pete: Yeah, I do, but you're defenseless out here.
MacGyver: No, just weaponless.
"There goes the trophy again!" Pete, after Kelly blows the whistle and wins the game
Moore: I need your help in putting together a crack rescue team.
Pete: Come here.
[Pete takes Moore to the door and shows him Mac.]
Pete: There it is. There's your rescue team.
Moore: What are you doing here?
Kelly: Relax. I'm just leavin'.
[At this, Kelly jumps out of the plane and parachutes down.]
Kelly: I'm saving my dad. I've got it all planned out.
MacGyver: Did it ever occur to you that maybe the rest of us had a plan too? And that your coming along messes everything up?
Kelly: Me? Mess things up? I overheard you guys talking. You don't even have a gun!
Raoul: I've been told there's no real proof of his guilt.
Salazar: The problem is being corrected as we speak.
Kelly: You know, this is a lot easier than I expected. I thought we'd be dodging bullets in the jungle, and instead we're taking a nice little cruise into town.
[Mac sees a police checkpoint ahead.]
MacGyver: I think the cruise just ended.
MacGyver: Sometimes they grab people who don't have the right papers. Sometimes they shoot 'em. Get your passport ready.
Kelly: I don't have a passport.
Berbero: What is your business here in San Perez?
Berbero: We have no tourism to speak of in San Perez. What are you really doing here?
MacGyver: She lost her passport. She was scared; that's why she was hiding.
[Berbero inspects the weapons that Kelly brought.]
Berbero: Let me see. Tear gas. Mini-flares. Ammunition. Everything a tourist needs . . . It seems you have good reason to be scared.
MacGyver: You're lucky that soldier didn't shoot you back there.
Kelly: I figured, "What would Dad do?"
MacGyver: He's quite a guy, huh.
Kelly: I'll never be that great, for sure.
MacGyver (after a pause): Do you have to be?
Kelly: I guess I'm his daughter and his son.
MacGyver: Which one of you is here to rescue him?
Raoul: It was my understanding you were coming alone.
MacGyver: Mine too.
Kelly: You don't understand, MacGyver. I want to show him that I can be just like . . . just like . . .
MacGyver: A son? Did he say that to you? That he wanted a son?
Kelly: He didn't have to.
MacGyver: That's an awful lot to assume, isn't it?
MacGyver: Listen, I hope you didn't take what happened back at the road block personally.
[Berbero punches him.]
MacGyver: I guess you did.
MacGyver: Name's MacGyver. I'm here to help you escape.
Joe: Sure you are.
Joe: That's crazy. Kelly here in San Perez? Why?
MacGyver: I don't know. That might be something you want to ask her.
Joe: Hey, come on, MacGyver. You're not going to catch that rat. We've been at it for hours.
MacGyver: Well, look at it this way: he's gettin' just as tired as we are.
Joe: Do you think there's enough freon to freeze the lock?
MacGyver: I'll tell you when it's empty.
"Sometimes I just hate it when I'm right." Mac, after his theory of bullet holes in the radiator proves true
MacGyver: There are times you can't do a job all by yourself. What I needed was a little help from the locals . . .local chickens, that is.
Original Air Date: April 6, 1987
MacGyver returns home from a particularly dangerous mission only to be confronted by a machete-wielding man who forces Mac to take him to the Phoenix Foundation. However, when they arrive, Mac is surprised again by confetti and cries of "Happy Birthday." The machete man is Jack Dalton in disguise. Pete Thornton says that he invited people that Mac might want to see, and those that couldn't make it sent mementos of the adventures they shared. Unfortunately, Mac doesn't feel much like celebrating; with the recent danger still on his mind, he tells Pete that he wants to resign. At Mac's request, Pete draws up a letter of resignation, and Mac signs it. When the cake is brought in, Jack demands that Mac give a speech. Mac recalls how his grandfather said that sharing your life with other people is what counts, and Mac realizes that he would never have met his guests if he hadn't been living such an unusual life. With his speech over, Mac approaches Pete and tears up the resignation letter.
MacGyver: There's no place like home. That's especially true if you spend twelve hours on a flight from Central America that gave new meaning to the word "turbulence."
MacGyver: Three times in one day I came as close to gettin' killed as I ever have. It could make you start to think, real hard. Your first brush with death could be an accident. The second could be a coincidence. . . . The third could be a message. And I didn't like the sound of it at all.
Pete: We knew you'd never come if you thought it was going to be a party. So I told Jack when you were getting in from Central America, and he took it from there.
Jack: Wasn't that a hoot?
Pete: I know you don't like gifts, so I just invited a few people that I thought you might like to see.
MacGyver: How could you do this? Do you realize you broke into my place and held me at knife point?!
Jack: It was all Pete Thornton's idea! Pete Thornton made me do it!
MacGyver: Stop it. Your eye's twitchin' - you're lying to me.
"My birthday's a week from Tuesday." Jack, after Penny Parker kisses Mac happy birthday
Penny: What's the matter with him?
Jack: Birthday blues.
"The funny thing is, darn near every one of these things almost got me killed at one time or another." Mac, to Harry about the table of mementos
Harry: I guess it just proves that a good map will always get you where you want to go.
MacGyver: Yeah, provided you want to get there in the first place.
Harry: I never quite thought of it that way.
Bannister: Many happy returns, pal. You don't look a day over fifty.
MacGyver: Don't ask me how I feel.
Pete: What happened?
MacGyver: Eh, it doesn't matter now. What does matter is that the only reason I'm alive is luck; I had nothing to do with it.
Pete: Well, you always said you'd rather be lucky than good.
MacGyver: Yeah, yeah, I said that . . . But you know, Pete, I'm startin' to think I've pressed my luck about as far as it can go.
Pete (after a pause): Well, what does that mean?
MacGyver: I've had it, Pete. I want to resign.
Pete: MacGyver, think about what you're saying. Resigning--
MacGyver: I have thought about it, Pete. For the past twenty-four hours, I've done nothing but think about it.
MacGyver: For the past seven years, I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up - and all I've got to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.
Pete: Listen to me. There is no one else in the world like you. You're a cat. You've got nine lives.
MacGyver: I've already lived eight of 'em! I don't want to waste the last one. I want to go home to Minnesota. I want to find someone, get married or something. Do normal things while I still have time.
"Allergy. Must be a cat around here somewhere." Jack, explaining his eye twitch to Penny
Kate: I don't know how you keep doing it.
MacGyver: What's that?
Kate: Bouncing all over the world. I know I used to think that was the only way to live. But now that I have a home, and I'm going to have a family, well . . . I just couldn't be happier in my life.
Pete: I got a letter of commendation from the State Department about that case.
Bannister: Well. Send me a copy one of these days, Pete. Maybe I can get a raise.
Harry: Bud tells me you're his best friend.
Pete: I like to think so.
Harry: Well, maybe you know what's eatin' him.
Pete: Yeah, Harry, I do. I know exactly what's eating him.
Harry: Want some free advice?
MacGyver: I'd pay for it.
Harry: Go with your gut. What's up here [he points to his head] can keep you confused. What's here [he points to his heart] most of the time, tells it plain.
"There's a memo on the wall in the ladies' lounge, and it says that when Jack Dalton's left eye is twitching, he's lying like a cheap rug." Penny, revealing that she hasn't believed a single thing Jack has said to her
MacGyver: The truth hurts, huh, Jack.
Jack: Especially when you're not used to it.
Jack: Oh, come on. Like in the old days.
MacGyver: I never gave speeches in the old days.
Jack: Oh, that's right. I did.
[Jack starts to say a few words, but the other guests boo him quiet.]
MacGyver: When I was a kid, my grandfather used to say to me that . . . a fellow's life wasn't worth mentioning if he hadn't shared it with some folks along the way. That is what you said, isn't it, Harry?
Harry: Yeah, only I said it shorter.
MacGyver: Pete, about that letter of resignation?
MacGyver: Got any Scotch tape? Kidding!