MacGyver » Season 2
Original Air Date: January 19, 1987
In Siberia, MacGyver frees a political prisoner named Yuri Demetri. Back in Los Angeles, Mac is to take Yuri to the Phoenix Foundation; stopping at Mac's apartment on the way, they find ladies' clothes everywhere, and Penny Parker emerges from the bathroom. She explains that she lost her job and needed a place to stay for a few days. Currently, she's employed performing singing telegrams, and she drives Mac's Jeep to her assignment. However, she goes into the wrong house and finds a man being tortured in the garage. The bad guys - Vince, Lyle, and Derrick - chase after her; she escapes but one notes the license plate number of the Jeep. Mac is returning home from dropping Yuri at the Foundation when Penny pulls up, and she insists that they return to the house and help the man. Unfortunately, they are unable to find the place. Meanwhile, the bad guys have relocated to an old fish cannery and Derrick, the corrupt Federal agent, returns with Mac's name as the Jeep's owner. Yuri shows up at Mac's place, having inadvertently left the Phoenix Foundation. Penny and Yuri go to wait on the street for Mac to finish his phone call with Pete, but Lyle and Vince grab them. Penny manages to call to Mac, who follows the van to the baddies' hideout. The bad guys lock Penny and Yuri in a freezer before heading out to city hall to complete the murder they were hired for. Mac frees Penny and Yuri; after a few moments inspecting the bad guys' gadgets, Mac realizes that they're using a voice-activated bomb to take out a figure in a high-profile drug case. The trio hurries to city hall, where Pete and the Foundation are in charge of security. Mac is able to stop the target from speaking, and the bomb is deactivated. Lyle and Vince try to finish the job with guns that they snuck in, but Penny and Yuri help stop them, and soon the villains are taken away by the security officers.
MacGyver: Ah, Siberia. Not known for its tourist trade or overpopulation. That's exactly why it's such a popular place for political prisoners and . . . nuclear facilities.
Yuri: You can't get me through the gate without papers. They will stop us; they'll shoot!
MacGyver: Who said anything about going through?
Yuri: There is a Mrs. MacGyver?
MacGyver: No, there is no Mrs. MacGyver.
Penny: You remember that job I had?
Penny: It was going really, really well until I had this little accident, and well, after the fire truck came . . .
Penny (singing): Hello, MacGyver, how ya been doin', so happy to see ya again.
Penny: Who are you?
Yuri: Yuri Demetri. I love you.
MacGyver: How did you get in here?
Penny: Oh. Well, I told the manager that I was your girlfriend and that I was kind of . . . pregnant.
Penny: I'll bring your Jeep back when I'm done!
[She exits, and Mac realizes what she just said.]
MacGyver: Jeep? My Jeep?
Yuri: You and me, it's like Butch and Sundance.
MacGyver: "Butch and Sundance"?
Yuri: I love American cinema.
MacGyver: Penny, there's got to be a logical explanation for what you think you saw.
Penny: Logic has nothing to do with it!
"You're the one that wanted to move to California." A stunned homeowner, to his wife after Penny barges into the wrong house
[Derrick has just revealed that Mac owns the Jeep that Penny was driving.]
Lyle: You figure he's the boyfriend?
Vince: Whoever. He's in bad company.
"I'm an actress; it's my job to study people." Penny, proving that she recognized the correct man from the news report
"Corrupt cops. You just can't depend on 'em." Lyle, on why he doesn't trust Derrick
Penny: It seems like I'm always popping into your life at the worst possible moment and dragging you into something.
MacGyver: Well, it's not like you go out looking for trouble. It just seems to find you.
MacGyver (on the phone): He's right here.
Pete: Well what's he doing there?
MacGyver: Looking for the bathroom.
Penny: MacGyver's gonna come after us. He's really terrific, and he's gonna find us.
Vince: Then he can help with the burial. Now shut up!
MacGyver: I had to stay back far enough so they wouldn't spot me and try to lose me . . . so they lost me . . . momentarily.
"My friend's only been in America two days; what kind of impression do you think this makes?" Penny, scolding the bad guys
Penny: I promise, I'm not gonna talk!
Lyle: Sweetheart, you do nothin' but talk.
Vince: How long do you think it'll take 'em to freeze?
Lyle: Well, it took Derrick twenty minutes.
Vince: Yeah, but he don't count. We shot him first.
[Penny and Yuri are locked in a freezer.]
Penny: Really? It . . . it's really colder in Russia?
Yuri: No, actually it's much colder here.
Yuri: They are part of the cleaning crew.
MacGyver: Something tells me they don't do windows.
"Do ya feel lucky?" Yuri, holding a gun on the bad guy
Original Air Date: February 2, 1987
A pregnant woman named Elaine confronts her husband Andrew about using the halfway house they started to form his own crime syndicate. After she says that she is taking proof of his activities to the authorities, he tries to kill her. She runs out of the house but leaves her car keys, so she flees on foot. She approaches a Jeep that is stopped at a gas station, asking for help; seeing the men following her, MacGyver tells her to get in. They drive away, but soon find themselves trapped in an old factory. Andrew arrives with more thugs and the chase continues. Finally, Mac disguises the Jeep with a bit of camouflage, and he goes to raise a signal for help above the building. Unfortunately, Elaine is having a great deal of labor pain, and Andrew hears her. He is about to shoot, when Mac surprises him and knocks him out. Soon the police arrive and arrest the bad guys. A paramedic emerges from an ambulance and tells Mac that Elaine and her daughter are fine.
MacGyver: There's a pretty simple reason why fishermen get up at the crack of dawn: that's when the fish get up.
Andrew: They can't force you to testify against your husband.
Elaine: They won't have to force me.
Elaine: Help! Help me! Please!
MacGyver: Are you about to have the baby?
[The bad guys' car stops nearby, and one shouts "There she is!"]
Elaine: No, I'm about to be murdered!
MacGyver: Get in.
Elaine: Something tells me I finally met the right man at the right time.
MacGyver: You okay?
Elaine: Having the time of my life.
Elaine: It's just that I'm having the worst day of my life--
[There's a noise at the door.]
Elaine: --and maybe the last day.
[Elaine is having labor pains.]
MacGyver: I don't think right now is such a good time for that to be happening.
Elaine: Tell that to this kid.
[Mac leans over and loudly whispers to her belly.]
MacGyver: Not now!
Elaine (after a pause): The contractions just stopped.
MacGyver: Well-behaved kid.
"A tiny criminal mind already at work here." Elaine's explanation for why the labor pains come and go
Elaine: Do you believe in fate, MacGyver? Well, I do. Whenever I do anything good, it turns out bad. And whenever I do anything bad, it turns out worse.
Elaine: Can't wait to see how you'll get us out of this pit.
MacGyver: Me, too.
Elaine: You really think this is going to work?
MacGyver: I think if you try hard enough and make the best of a situation, the situation won't get the best of you.
Elaine: Aren't we taking this positive-thinking thing a little far?
Elaine: Are you ever wrong about anything?
MacGyver: Never - well, once. Maybe twice.
Elaine: Once is all it takes to ruin your life.
Elaine: You just never give up, do you.
MacGyver: No, ma'am, I don't.
MacGyver: Good thing about boats: some of the stuff you find on 'em work just as well on land as they do on sea.
"Desperation tends to make one sort of . . . flexible." Mac, working on a plan
Elaine: I suppose I could keep her on a trial basis. You know, for a week or two?
MacGyver: Yeah. A lot of people do that.
Original Air Date: February 9, 1987
A friend in the military asks MacGyver and Pete Thornton to help investigate thefts at sea: the pirates are using SEAL tactics in a smear campaign. The pirates attack again, stealing treasure and old documents from Dr. Barbara Ortega. Mac meets with Barbara to see what information she can offer. Gar, the head pirate, arrives at the museum posing as someone interested in the old coins, but he overhears Barbara say that the ship's log could help provide the location of a Spanish treasure feet, with roughly $60 million worth of cargo. Barbara wanted to fulfill her father's quest of returning the money to the Spanish Americans, to build hospitals and schools. She advertises a reward for information on the pirates, but one of Gar's men poses as an informant to lure Barbara and Mac to the boat yard. They kidnap Barbara to translate the ship's log for them, while Mac escapes from the death trap they left him in. By process of elimination, Pete and Mac surmise that the pirates are hiding on Goat Island which is mined and used only for gunnery practice by the military. Mac sneaks onto the island and, after a few close calls with aging explosives, he subdues both of Gar's men. Angry, Gar tries to use Barbara as a shield, but Mac finds him, brandishing a mine. Mac tosses the device - a dud - to distract Gar and quickly knocks him out. Back at the Phoenix Foundation, Mac reveals to Barbara that Pete has arranged for the use of a dive boat and eighty-three of Mac's SEAL friends have volunteered to help Barbara find the sunken treasure.
Barbara: Yes, I know the Phoenix Foundation, of course, but I don't know exactly what you do, Mr. MacGyver.
MacGyver: Just MacGyver. I just kind of fix things around the place, that's all.
Barbara: I'm not much help, am I.
MacGyver: Yeah, sure you are. You're eliminating possibilities - that's progress.
MacGyver: That's kind of funny.
MacGyver: Well, the pirates. They haven't got the slightest idea what they've really stolen.
[Unknown to Mac, the head pirate is listening.]
Gar: Bein' on the edge is how you know you're alive.
MacGyver: You like to gamble a little, don't you.
Gar: Well, I like to win.
"You know, you guys are missin' out on a great deal, if you kill me. I can help you. See, I'm kind of an expert with just about everything . . . " Mac, rambling to buy time
Pete: Now don't be a hero; just get the girl if you can and come on back.
MacGyver: Pete, you know me. Soon as I get the girl, I run like crazy.
MacGyver: Interesting thing about explosives: they decay, become real touchy - unless you get lucky.
MacGyver: Anti-personnel mine. First click armed it . . . Not many people ever get to hear the second click.
MacGyver: The first click is a simple "hello." The second is a serious "goodbye."
"Light, rusted, and hollow as an old tin can. It was obviously a dud. The thing was, only I knew that." Mac, retaining the dud mine for later use
MacGyver: You boys stay put now: there's live mines out there.
Gar: Ah, yes. MacGyver, the fool.
Gar: But you'll kill the girl, too.
MacGyver: Yeah . . . Sorry, Barbara.
Barbara: Just as long as you get him.
Out in the Cold
Original Air Date: February 16, 1987
MacGyver and Pete Thornton are vacationing at a ski resort; Mac is an avid skier, but Pete is more of a novice and says that he would've preferred going to Hawaii. While they're on the slopes, Mac is knocked down when a man named Phil skis into him. Unknown to Mac, Phil swapped ski poles, leaving Mac with one containing a role of incriminating microfilm on Phil's boss, Mr. Leland. Phil is soon shot by one of Leland's men, but the sound causes an avalanche which traps Mac. Fortunately Pete sees where Mac went under, and a rescue team locates him, trapped in an air pocket. However, Pete falls and breaks his ankle. Believing Mac to be Phil's contact, Mr. Leland and his man, Jack, track Mac and Pete back to Los Angeles. Pete's place is being fumigated so he stays with Mac. When Mac goes out for Chinese food, he is picked up by Leland's men; he escapes, but the bad guys beat him to his apartment and take Pete hostage. Mr. Leland tells Mac to bring the film to a commercial laundry. Recalling the encounter with Phil, Mac checks the ski pole and finds the microfilm. Arriving at the laundry, Mac sneaks in and takes out Leland's men before trapping Leland as well. Trying to stand, Pete slips and breaks his other leg.
MacGyver: Steppin' into a pair of skis and pointin' 'em straight downhill may be as close as you can get to flyin' - without completely leaving the ground.
Pete: You know, one of us needs to have his head examined, and I'm sure it's not you.
MacGyver: Come on, Pete, admit it. You're having the time of your life.
Pete: Oh, sure. I love having two pounds of snow in my pants. "Let's take a week off," you said. "Go somewhere where we don't know anyone." "Fine," I said, "What about Hawaii?" "Hawaii," you said, "is boring." Well, you know something? I think I like boring.
Pete: I think I'm going to go home.
MacGyver: I thought your house was being fumigated.
Pete: Well, it is. But if I'm going to die anyway, I might as well be comfortable when I go.
Pete: I'll meet you at the midway house, and we'll have a toddy for the body.
"There's something special about the last run of the day. The slopes aren't so crowded, the shadows are longer . . . and it's sort of peaceful out there." Mac, oblivious to the avalanche that is on its way
Ski Patrol: Look, I hate to tell you this but only one out of twenty-five survives an avalanche.
Pete: MacGyver will be the one.
MacGyver: It there was anyone looking for me, I had to let 'em know where I was. Otherwise, my prospects for a long life were downright chilly.
"All things considered, you're a very lucky man." Pete, after Mac is pulled from the snow
Pete: Are you willing to admit now that skiing is dangerous?
MacGyver: Skiing's fun: avalanches are dangerous.
Pete: Walking, that's how man is supposed to get where he wants to go. One foot in front of the other. Safest thing . . .
[At this, Pete falls hard, cries out in pain, having broken his ankle.]
Pete: It's just like Leo Durocher said, "Nice guys finish last." Not only do they finish last, they finish last in a cast.
Pete: Don't you ever dust this place?
MacGyver: Twice a year, like clockwork.
Pete: There's a draft coming in these doors.
MacGyver: Oh, I know. I've been meaning to insulate . . .
Pete: Did you ever break a bone?
MacGyver: Well, when I was a kid. A couple of arms, three fingers, and a toe, I think.
Pete: You serious?
MacGyver: Well, not all at once. However, our doctor did eventually quit medicine and became a big-time plasterer.
"I cannot eat twelve hundred beans that have been battered beyond recognition." Pete, not a fan of tofu casserole
"This your idea of valet parking?" Mac, after the bad guys usher him into a van
MacGyver: If I do have what you want . . . it sort of puts us on fifty-fifty footing, wouldn't you say?
[The bad guy raises his gun, not amused.]
[Jack, the bad guy reads a fortune cookie.]
Jack: "Your life is going to take an unexpected turn." They sure got you pegged.
MacGyver: I'd say they got us both pegged, guy.
[Mac squirts the guy in the face with a soy sauce packet.]
MacGyver: If you don't have the right equipment for the job, you just have to make it yourself.
Leland: You know, friendship is a wonderful thing. That's how I know MacGyver is going to show up.
Pete (flatly): We're not that close.
Leland: Hey, you broke your leg to get him out of an avalanche. That's close enough for me.
Pete: They were gonna put me in that spin dryer.
MacGyver: We couldn't let 'em do that. You might shrink.