March 2 - June 27, 2005

These entries are from multiple sources. See the footnotes for details.

March 2, 2005
» The Terminated


My boss called this morning; he said (very apologetically) that they will be terminating me on March 16th. I assured him that I understand. I told him about my interview next week, trying to assure him that I have other prospects. He said that if that doesn't work out they might need some temporary help. Okay, am I terminated or not?? lol. I think he feels bad about having to let me go, but I'm fine with it! I don't know how else to say that to him to make him understand.

Of course I don't want to just take any job, but I hope that my interview next week turns into a job offer. I would LOVE to be able to tell the boss that I've got another job. Plus, I'd love to have another job just to know that I don't have to look anymore!

As I told my friend Michele, after a few minutes the reality of "I've been fired" sank in. I admit that I'm just *slightly* bummed about it. I'm very much looking forward to moving on, but I guess I'm getting a little nostalgic that this chapter of my life is about to be over. I've worked with them since October of 1999! Plus, even though I knew this was coming, being fired feels like being rejected. Not fun. I was kind of hoping to be able to resign first to leave for a new job. Ah, well. Hopefully I can tell them that my interview went well and they'll know before I leave that I'm going to another job.

Maybe I'll read over the work follies page to remind myself why I'll be glad to leave. . .

March 10, 2005
» a definite maybe?


That initial teensy bit of down-ness that I felt about getting fired has passed. Now, I am *very* excited about the chance to do something new. Even if I don't get another job right away, I'll be glad just to not to have to return to the same old job that I truly have outgrown.

Happily, I thought that my interview on Monday went well! I was a few minutes early only to find out that the interviewer was in a meeting (at another location) and would be a few minutes late. That was no problem: I've heard that when you're in a situation like that, if you can be in the environment for about 15 minutes, you become less nervous because you've had time to adjust. Anyway, the two girls there showed me around. It's a pretty small office, but it's bigger than it looks from the outside. They've got cubicles/offices for about 8 or 9 people. They told me that the newest person had been there over 4 years; I think that speaks alot about it being a good company.

Finally the man I was interviewing with arrived and he was SO nice! He's got a III (third) on the end of his name, so I thought he might be a bit stuffy, but he was really nice, and very easy to talk to. He explained alot about the company: I only had time to ask one question, "What would my duties be?" Apparently they mostly do roadwork, so I'd be designing roads and doing traffic studies. That's not exactly what I want to do - I want to do "structural" work and design buildings - but I really think I could be happy there. The company's good, it's closer to my house (about 20 minutes away) than I've worked in a long time, and it just seems like a really good work environment. If that's not the place for me, I'm kinda scared to see what is!

I also asked when the guy expected to make a decision: probably in two weeks. He said he had two other interviews, which sort of surprised me. I guess I thought that since he didn't get back to me, he didn't have time to interview anyone. Maybe my letter reminded him that he needs to try to hire someone. He said that they expect to hire three people in the next year or so, but I think there's just one position open at this time.

As I said, the guy was very nice but at one point, he politely mentioned that, "There are a lot of opportunities for civil engineers in town," then he said something about my remaining as an admin assistant for so long. I got the impression that he may have thought I was turning down engineering offers, or something! I replied lightly that I've applied for several opportunities but wasn't selected. I wanted to add that just finding a job that doesn't ask for years of experience is tough, not to mention the fact that there's usually quite a bit of competition for those jobs. Still, his remark was eye-opening: so THAT'S what people think when they look at my work history. I mistakenly thought they'd realize that the admin job was just to help me get through school, and I thought that they'd think my five-plus years at the job showed my dependability. If there's a next time, I'll know to clearly spell it out for them.

My biggest regret is that when he asked what salary I'd expect, I'm afraid I may have said something too high! I had looked on the internet to get an idea of a starting salary, just in case they asked, but still . . . I hope I didn't price myself out of the running! I wanted to say that at this point, I expect - and would be happy with - very little, because I know that while they're training me I won't be terribly productive for them. Oh, well. Hopefully I gave a realistic number . . . as I drove away, I pictured the interviewer howling with laughter. Then I imagine the others come in, he shows them my salary range, and they start laughing so hard they get tears . . .

Anyway. I think that my last few days at work are going to be very busy. I've started making a list of things I need to mention to the others, so that they can carry on in my absence. lol. I've also started organizing the files on my computer and setting aside the ones that I'll move to CD to take home. Man, I've got a lot of junk! I'm trying to sort through it and delete the ones that I know I'll never use again. It's a good thing I've started early; waiting until the last minute would've been a bad idea.

March 14, 2005 @ 01:02 PM
» a moment like this


For once in his life, my boss actually told the truth. A week ago, he gave me a two weeks' notice; Thursday will be my last day with this company. Believe me, I'm ready to go. I admit that right after he told me, I was ever so slightly bummed because being fired never feels good, even when you kinda know that it's coming. This weekend I was fully over that and was really looking forward to moving on with my life.

Today though, I was bummed again for some reason. Now I'm sort of neutral. I'm trying to finish up some things, like organizing my files to move to CD and take home. I'm also trying to use the company's graphics editing software to make a banner for one of my sites, but it's not working. I spent over an hour fiddling with it, and it still looks awful! *groans* Knowing that I have a time limit is definitely not helping. I'm feeling so lazy too; it's like I literally don't want to do a single thing, even though most of the stuff I need to do will benefit me.

I had a job interview last week, and I'm supposed to hear whether or not I got it next week. I'm afraid to say whether I think I did because I wonder if my "good feeling" is just me wanting to get the job. It wouldn't have been my first choice, but after hearing about the company, I really want the job! I've been looking at this week as one of those defining moments, a life-changing time in one's life since I'm leaving the job I've had for years. Now I'm getting a little overwhelmed wondering if I'll get this new job, and if so, whether it's truly the one for me. I guess I don't need to worry about that until I hear whether I get the job offer. As I told a friend, if they offer me the job, I'll take that as a sign that I should accept. If they pick someone else, I'll carry on, confident that it wasn't the one for me.

Still crossing bridges before I get there, it would be fantastic to not have to look for a job anymore. And to go right from losing one job to having another, much better one? Sweet! Yet, if I had to take a few weeks off, I wouldn't mind. I could work muchly on my websites: maybe even finish that banner! lol.

Well, sitting here ruminating has helped - which is pretty amazing, considering that I didn't really say much of anything. Let me get back to work, while there's still work to do. ;)

March 25, 2005
» down time


Well, I've made it through my first week of unemployment. Technically, I have a part-time job, but it is so severely part-time that weeks go by - like the last few weeks, for example - without a single gig. But I am definitely not complaining.

Oh, but the scheduler from my part-time job called last night; she said she had tried to call me at the other job and they told her that I was no longer with them. Oops! I meant to tell her earlier, but oh, well. I simply said that I was trying to keep my schedule clear for a few weeks while I'm waiting to hear back about a job that I applied for.

I was supposed to hear back this week about that interview I had on the 7th, but I haven't heard anything yet. I'm looking at it as, "No news is good news." I also applied for another job, which means I probably have several weeks to even hear from them about an interview.

Doing all my computer work from home is quite a change. Mostly, it's a switch to surf the 'Net without the luxury of the high speed connection we had at work. Between the slow connection and the fact that I have more time for website work, I'll probably be doing a lot less surfing, but that's okay. When it was slow at work I'd find myself checking several pages frequently only to find nothing new. Now, maybe by the time I get around to visiting pages again, they'll actually be updated.

April 4, 2005
» nowhere left to go but up? check again


I just checked the on-line classifieds for job postings in this area, and I found two jobs listed by the company that I interviewed with a few weeks ago. One of those announcements is for the job that I applied for. Needless to say, my heart sank when I read that. I tried to remind myself that they talked about hiring more than one person, but seeing that job listed when I haven't heard anything back from them just doesn't bode well. Even if they don't select me for the job, I'd like to know one way or the other. Then I'd like the chance to politely ask why, so that I'll know what not to do next time.

About the time I discovered that job posting, I checked the price for a plane ticket to California and found that it's gone up over $100 since I last checked. D'oh! Yes, I'm still planning to make that trip in May, and I can (barely) afford it, thanks to my tax refund. But with no prospects for employment in the foreseeable future, that large outflux of money all at once is weighing on my mind.

I keep forgetting that I do have a job; work there is so sporadic that it contributes very little toward financial stability. I've actually got a gig tonight, and I had two yesterday, but of course, next week goes back to a whole lot of nothing. :shrugs: At least I get to get out of the house for a bit. Friday I found myself growing a little bit restless with so much free time.

Continuing with this day of Bad On-Line Discoveries, I checked my site statistics to find that some 'tard had been hot-linking to one of my graphics to advertise for another site. GACK! I knew when I added the hot-link protection that a few buttons weren't protected, but I must have thought it would be okay. But of course, I was wrong. I added those buttons to the protected list, and I changed the button the 'tard had linked to the flashing THIEF! graphic.

Now I'm about to finish the site update I've been working on, get off of the Internet, and go watch my tape of Desperate Housewives.

April 20, 2005
» a ticket to ride


I *still* haven't heard back about the interview I had; yeah, I think I need to concentrate on my other employment options. First, I need to find some other employment options. Sigh. Aside from the two I applied for weeks ago, I am not finding very many opportunities.

However, after working more with my part-time job, I am determined to keep looking! They are having one of their busy spells, and thanks to a fellow employee spilling the beans that I'm without a daytime job, they know that I'm available. So I worked ten hours on Friday, ten hours on Sunday, seven hours on Monday, and ten hours yesterday. Yesterday's gig was a special joy (note the sarcasm) because it started at 6:00 pm, and I left at 4:00 am. :groans: Tonight's inventory starts at 9:00 pm and will probably last until 3:00 am. Then on Friday morning I have a 6:00 am gig. Excuse me while I faint from exhaustion. Happily, depending on how long tonight's gig is, I have a feeling that they'll tell me to skip Friday's because that would put me near overtime. (If you're wondering, our pay week starts on Saturday, so the 10 hours on Friday doesn't count toward OT for this week.)

My big concern about working all of these weird hours is that I'll catch a cold or sinus infection or something from not getting enough rest. I've already purchased my plane tickets for my trip to California next month, and I'm going to be mad if I'm sick.

Last night was the first time I've seen our district manager since I lost my other job; I felt a bit embarrassed, since she's asked me several times before to come to work full time for them. She even offered me $1 more an hour than I was making. (Did I mention that?) I'm still not interested, but I felt like she could gloat about it. She didn't, but I just felt a bit self-conscious about it. I felt the same way when I went to the gig on Friday morning. That was the first day-time inventory I've done with them during the week, and I felt like everyone was thinking, "Well, look who lost her high-and-mighty daytime job, and now has to mingle with us common people!" Yeah, I was overreacting, especially since most of the people were new and didn't realize that my being there at a daytime store during the week was unusual.

In better news, as mentioned above, I went ahead and bought my ticket to California. That's the first plane ticket I've ever purchased for myself, although I bought plenty of them at work for our employees - using company funds of course - so I knew just what to do. I can't believe I'm going: it's so exciting! I'm already planning what to take and trying to figure out what I need. I still need a few more ideas of things I should do/see while I'm there (in Los Angeles), so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to send 'em my way.

April 20, 2005
» how *not* to be my boyfriend


Sunday I had the non-pleasure of working near one of our more annoying workers for most of the day. His name is Mike, and I haven't worked with him much, but he's always trying to flirt with me. From someone who pretty much just met me - someone to whom I am not the LEAST bit attracted - that is so not flattering. He's in his forties, divorced with a 13-year old son, and he's more than a bit overweight. I've heard people talking about him, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. However I have to admit that he IS pretty grating. He takes every available opportunity to talk about himself: what college he went to, how he was in their band, his time in the Navy, etc. It's pretty obvious that he's seeking validation; by declaring his accomplishments, he wants others to ooh and ahh over them. (Yeah, I was privately psychoanalyzing him all day.) As most of us have no doubt learned, if you're seeking to find self-worth in the praise of other people, you'll probably be sorely disappointed, and often.

The more annoying thing that he does is put himself down, like he expects people to contradict him or something. Again, that way can only lead to heartbreak. Plus, it's not the least bit attractive. If he wants other people to like him, he needs to like himself first.

During one of his many references to being divorced and wanting a girlfriend, another employee was suggesting a few people. He said that she didn't mention the most obvious one: me. Obviously, the other employee has more sense than that! Fortunately, that gave me the chance to say flat out that I'm not interested. That was kind of harsh, but as Mike himself was just saying, most guys just don't get it when you're subtle. My remark didn't stop him from flirting but maybe he'll take it to heart should he ever think about actually asking me out. After my remark, he did his "poor me" thing and said, "Aw, you could do better than me anyway..." Did he expect me to say, "No, you're GREAT!!!" Yeah, that didn't happen.

May 4, 2005
» roaming


As I write this I have started getting things ready to pack for my California trip. I've been looking for things to take for weeks, but I'm finally getting things ready to put into my suitcase and carry-on. So far I have only two outfits that I can stand. Sigh. I know I'm just going to be sight-seeing, but I'd like to look at least somewhat presentable. I don't leave until Friday, so I have time for a little more shopping . . .

Anyway, the purpose of this update is mainly to let you all know that - after tomorrow - I'll be away from the computer until May the 12th.

When I return, look for tons of details about the trip, and pictures - as soon as they're developed.

May 20, 2005
» sand in my shoes


Recapping the days after my return from vacation:

May 11th - I arrived home after 9:00 pm after my flight home was delayed about 45 minutes.

May 12th - I must have had a terrible case of jet lag because I didn't want to do anything: everything felt too much like work! I wasn't tired at all while I was away, but I suddenly felt so drained. I sat a lot, watching videotapes of my shows and whatever else was on. I also noticed that I was almost disappointed to be home. I had such a good time on the trip that I started to dwell on the next thing I have to look forward to is finding a job. (Yeah, it's kinda hard to get excited about that when I've been looking for over a year at this point ...)

May 13th - I still felt blah about being home but I finally got up and started accomplishing the stuff that I'd been putting off.

May 14th - I did some work for the Alias website, then I watched Spiderman 2 and some old tapes of the Guys Next Door. ;-)

May 15th - I went to church. Afterward my mother and I went to Wendy's for lunch and we discovered that they were giving away free junior Frosties this weekend. I called to see if my vacation pictures had been developed and they had. (I had developed one roll at a one-hour photo place on the 12th, just to see whether the film had been inadvertently ruined by the airport's x-ray equipment.)

May 16th - According to my off-line journal, I still felt drained, and everything still felt too much like work for me to actually do it. I went to bed about 10:30, but since it was almost time for the Tonight Show, I decided to flip on my television and see the Headlines. (Those crack me up!) Then they announced that their musical guest is Dierks Bentley; I'm on the mailing list at his website, and they recently wrote that he has a new album, so I decided to listen to hear him sing. I sat through Jay talking to Heath Ledger, and then to Ryan Seacrest who - before this point - I could honestly not have picked out of a lineup. (I've never seen an episode of American Idol, nor do I intend to.) Finally, Dierks sang . . . but I *really* didn't like the song. The chorus seemed to be something about him still having "a lot of leaving left to do" and that reminded me of every flighty jerk I've ever had the misfortune to date. On the bright side, I still like Dierks. It'll take more than one song to chase me away. :)

May 17th - I started working on selecting and resizing my vacation pictures to post. (I used my film camera during the trip, but I had Wal-Mart put the pictures on CD as well, so that I'd have them digitally.) A manager from work called to see if I could work the next day, and I said okay. I have a trip to pay for. Sigh.

May 18th - I went to work. We were understaffed, which meant that we had to work a few hours more, but that's okay because I get paid by the hour. During the course of the day, someone told me that M - a guy from work - felt compelled to tell someone earlier that week that "No one here is out of my league except Anne." WHAT?! I hope that the one who told me that was joking, but I'm afraid that they're not. M is very flirty, always talking about his divorce and how he really wants a girlfriend. BTW, his attitude makes the flirting *very* unflattering; I repeatedly tell people, "He doesn't want me, he just wants somebody." He doesn't even know me! I've worked with him maybe five times tops, but I did get the chance to mention - during one of his many times to bring up dating - that I'm not interested. The thought that he continues to talk about me in that context makes me feel a bit angry; at the same time, I pity him. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."

May 19th - My errands continued. First I went to pay my car insurance. I left the car insurance place and pulled onto the street; I hadn't gone half a mile when a police car was flashing its lights behind me! I pulled over, truly about to cry because I *just* now re-earned the good driver discount on my insurance after my last (and first!) ticket. The cop walks over asking if I knew how fast I was going. I guess I had sped up to merge into traffic when I pulled onto the highway, but I knew it wasn't that bad. I said that I thought I was going the speed limit. He repeated that in a tone that indicated how he totally didn't believe me. He looked at my license and said a car like mine was speeding and he wanted to see if he got the right one. He asked when I got on the highway and I said that I had just left my insurance agent. The cop returned my license and told me to have a nice day or be careful or something. I proceeded - VERY cautiously - to my next errand, which was getting my hair trimmed. Later in the evening I went to usher for a local production of The Women. It was a good play, but I expected a more general theme; it was more like a soap opera, telling the story of a small group of women.

May 20th - Since the play ran a bit late, of course I had a six am inventory gig. I was home by noon though. Errands continued . . . and I am reminded that I *still* haven't done the laundry that I planned to do two days ago. Sigh.

On the job front, I still haven't heard anything. There is one prospect listed in the paper but it's located even further away than I worked before. I live in a rural area, so I'm going to have to drive a while to whatever job I get, but my goal is that my next goal is closer than my last one was. Day after day, that extra hour each way really adds up.

Anyway. I had a fantastic time on the trip. Honestly, it's the nicest one I ever recall going on! More info can be found at the links below:

Details about what I did on my vacation

Pictures (the California ones are in the Vacation section)

Pictures from meeting the Guys Next Door

May 21, 2005 @ 05:37 PM
» hold that thought!


How exactly did I get so far behind in everything? I have a part-time job, so it's not like I'm working all the time. I find plenty of time to sit around, but there's so much I want to accomplish! For example, right at this moment I need to: finish and send the email I started, go wash the dishes, lay the sweater I washed out to dry, take a shower, dry my hair, and fix something for supper. Yet, here I sit typing. Sigh.

On the bright side, today I have started to accomplish items on my to do list, including pre-ordering some DVDs. :claps hands gleefully: While doing so, I learned that Remington Steele is coming out on July 27th! I was going to pre-order it today, but I feared that they'd wait until then to send me the rest of my items, and that's not good.

Today I also started ... that is, returned to working on a master to-do list that I started months ago as an effort to get organized. I really need to. I received an email from an on-line aquaintance, respectfully requesting me to let him know if I want to continuing corresponding. It's an honest request: he last wrote to me in March, and I kept putting off responding. I'm trying to decide whether I should tell him that we should probably not correspond anymore. I used to be so prompt in writing back to people, because I like for people to do that with me. Now it takes me a week (or more) to respond. :hangs head in shame:

This journal is another prime example; lately whenever I even think of something to post, I'm nowhere near the computer. Not that anyone's holding their breath waiting to hear from me, but I do like for my sites to be somewhat current...

I'll keep tryin'.

May 23, 2005
» dust yourself off and try again


I'm having a very disappointing couple of days. A few days ago a friend shared pictures that they had took of us and yee-IKES, do I look TERRIBLE! I usually hate pictures of me, but this time when the pictures were taken I was actually thinking that I looked okay. I'd even go so far as to say that I thought I looked pretty: what a laugh. Seeing those pictures, I almost started to cry at how freakish I look. I bitterly thought how not long ago I was foolishly entertaining the thought - again - that some movie star would be attracted to me. Such an occurrence could not be farther from the truth.

I'm still feeling ugly, but I'm trying to remind myself that just as the *few* pictures where I think I look good don't really represent what I see in the mirror, I guess the really ugly pictures don't represent what everyone else sees . . . I hope. Still, my inner voice taunts me that this is why none of my crushes ever liked me, and why people always picked on me.

I'm just about accepting my ugly state when I decided to check the on-line status of one of my job applications: it says that I was not selected for consideration because I was not "among the top competitors." WHAT?! Just so I understand this, the resume that I worked so hard on to really emphasize my so-called strengths was rejected, while the one that I threw together is - according to the online status - still in the running. Does that make me feel better? Not exactly. For one thing, the job I was rejected for was the one that I wanted the most. Second, the one that I'm still supposedly in the running for, I applied for back in February, and I have the feeling that it'll be NOVEMBER before I hear anything back about that one. :flings hands up in frustration:

You know, I really believe that I'll get the right job for me, but this waiting and all of these rejections are so disheartening. Trying to look at the bright side, at least it looks like I'll have a lot of free time this summer! Maybe I can catch up on some of my projects, so that by the time I get a full-time job, I'll be ready.

June 10, 2005
» another day, another Dollar Tree


I had to work this morning at a Dollar Tree: we were supposed to start the inventory at six am, but I arrived slightly after that - sheepish grin - and the managers were still getting our equipment ready. I figured that we'd be out of there by two o'clock: instead, I left after three. And, as is their custom, during that nine hours of work I received only one ten-minute break. :faints:

While I was there, one of the customers approached me, complimenting me on the music the store was playing. I'm guessing he thought I worked for Dollar Tree ... and writing that just canceled out what I was going to say. But I'll say it anyway: the guy seemed to be flirting and trying to continue the conversation. After he walked away, I briefly thought: did he somehow find me through my websites? (Gee, Anne - paranoid much??) However, if he really thought I worked for Dollar Tree, then he may have just been trying to talk to me. I can't imagine why: I had no makeup on, and my hair was in a bun, for Pete's sake!

For the record, I'd probably be creeped out if someone approached me, saying that they had read my sites and just had to meet me, or something. :shudders: I say "probably" because if the person was really casual about it and already lived nearby, it might not be quite so weird ... it's hard to say ... Then again, I do have a very suspicious nature.

Hmmm. I seem to have lost my point. Anyway. I have to work tomorrow starting at 5 am - zoiks! - but after that, I'm supposed to be off for a few days. Hopefully I can accomplish some of the projects on my list . . .

June 22, 2005 @ 01:32 PM
» I want you to know - but then again I don't


Well, it's the 21st 22nd, so it's time for another entry, right?

Actually, I've got a good "secret diary" entry. I can't (or won't) post this kind of thing at the regular diary because of the people who might read it, and subsequently read too much into it ...

Anyway, we have a new manager at work, and I think he's cute and nice. The day I met him, I saw him outside first, so I didn't even know he worked with us. He called over to me, "There's another one!" and I was, like, "Yep, one more!" I was surprised when he soon joined the rest of us with the inventory team.

The next time I saw him (Monday of this week) I almost fell into that he's-cute-so-I-can't-talk-to-him thing that I do. But we soon had to talk briefly about a work-related matter, so I got past it. I can even look at him in the eye - a *major* accomplishment for me when there's a guy that I have a crush on.

Yesterday, two other guys from work and I were sent to find Jeff - the cute one - and on the way there, David felt compelled to say that Jeff would be a good guy for me, so I should ask him out. I politely tried to decline, but David insisted that Jeff is single. David asked if he should put in a good word for me with Jeff. I declined that also, but David observed, "But you do like him; I can tell by the look on your face."

For some reason, it thrills me that David noticed that. At the same time, I'm kinda hoping that he doesn't say anything to Jeff that would make me not be able to face him anymore.

It's like that one song says:

"I wanna hold you close,
I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go,
I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel?
Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't
It's so complicated..."

I'd go out if Jeff asked, but I get so tired just thinking of the pointlessness of trying to start a new relationship. I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I wonder so many things, like if we're even compatible at all, and I fast forward to the painful breakup ... then I feel like just skipping the whole ordeal.

But .... (insert sheepish confession here) ... to the best of my memory, seeing Jeff that first day was the closest thing I've ever had to love at first sight.


I know, I know, that's so silly - I feel ridiculous writing that, knowing how my attractions always lead to nothing. Darn you, David, for telling me that Jeff is single. Before that, I was trying to reason with myself that Jeff already has someone - I think that helped me calm down. Now what am I gonna do?

June 23, 2005
» a thousand times no


One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell someone "no" and they continue to try to talk me into whatever it is they asked about.

On Tuesday at work, the boss asked if I could work on Friday, and I said no. Then she called yesterday - and I didn't answer because I saw her number on Caller ID. :big grin: She left a brief message to call ... and of course I didn't. Well, she called again today; I suppose I should call back but I just know she's going to ask me about working tomorrow. I am trying to finish up a website project by Saturday, but I can't very well use that as an excuse. Since "no" seems to be very ineffective, I'm trying to think of a valid excuse - without lying. Sigh.

I probably could work, but I HATE to give in when people are pestering me. Plus, I've worked a bunch already this week. It's supposed to be a *part-time* job, so I'm trying to enjoy part-time hours while I can.

The other thing the boss might ask about - though working tomorrow is the more likely subject - would be about my becoming management. Again, I've told her "no" about that at least three times. I need to explain that I graduated with my degree and am looking for a job in my chosen field. True, I have yet to find that opportunity, but I'm going to keep looking. I won't settle for whatever is at hand, particularly when it's as undesirable as my current job.

June 27, 2005
» Am not! Are too!


Is anyone else sick and tired of the overabundance of disagreeable people in the world today? For a while now, it seems like the majority of people I'm around are so ... angry at the world, I guess. They complain about every single thing that enters their minds.

Yes, I realize that by complaining about them, I become one of them but, in my defense, after I vent a bit, I'll go back to being my upbeat, somewhat goofy self.

Heck, I'm not even that angry now - I just don't understand how some people can be so gripey. This musing comes after yesterday, when I spent about four hours trapped in a van with a particularly unpleasant co-worker. I've worked with her before - again trapped in a van as we travel to and from an out-of-town gig - and I knew that she was like that. But yesterday the extent of her discontent became apparent when she declared that "anyone who likes classical music is either old or a fool." A fool, she says! She is so small-minded that she cannot comprehend how someone could like that which she does not. After that, all I can do is pity her; I hear her spouting things like that, and I sadly wonder what kind of life she must have had to bring her to such a negative state of mind.

Her attitude exemplifies the source of my most recent frustration: how, in casual conversation, some people feel compelled to respond so belligerently. My sister does that often. My mother or I will just make some casual remark, and my sister will quickly, in an almost angry tone, say, "NO, it's-" whatever she thinks. And she's frequently wrong! Even if she was right, she needs to learn that saying things like that is a sure way to ensure that your opinions are quickly dismissed as those of a hothead.

Yesterday, while I'm trying to avoid the waves of negativity produced by the first co-worker, another one tried my patience with his flaming rudeness. He was driving, and I was sitting in the passenger's seat, and just to make conversation on the long ride, I started a brief story of the last time I did an inventory in that area. Does that guy show the same respect that I do when people are talking to me? Of course not. He interrupts to point out some landmark. Then does he say, "Oh, I'm sorry - you were saying?" Of course not, again. I just turned to look out the window. And people wonder why I'm so quiet! Obviously, most people don't want to listen anyway.

This is same guy who is always trying to flirt with me. :rollseyes: Later that evening, he got even worse. At one point, light flashed across the sky. I had just seen lightning, so when he said, "What was that?" I answered, "Lightning." TWENTY FIVE MINUTES LATER, after a mostly dark sky, lights were flashing again. He said, "That's not lightning." I had been about to fall asleep; I took one look and said that it was, but the light kept flashing consistently. It turned out to be the lights on a tower - THAT TIME - and he smirks, "I knew it wasn't lightning." I said, "But it *was* twenty-five minutes ago." He immediately says, "Buh- buh- buh," mocking me, like I was stuttering or something. That made me furious. I wanted to explain that THIS is why he doesn't have a girlfriend; no one wants to date a 45-year old who acts like he's twelve! GAH!!!


Okay, I need to go find my happy place now ...


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