[ Memories ]
Random memories from childhood or whenever. If you'd like to read even more, you can find them in the journal archive.
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During a fourth grade spelling bee, I was to spell the word "its" as in the sentence "The car dropped its transmission." I said, "I-T-apostrophe-S." The teacher looked to the next student and repeated the word, indicating that I was wrong. Since then, I always remember that i-t-s is possessive. Maybe this little story will help other people remember which "its" is which, too.
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In fifth grade, during a physical education volleyball game, I served a perfect game. It actually wasn't too much of an accomplishment; I hit the ball over the net fifteen times, and the other team barely tried to hit it back.
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In eighth grade, I had the biggest crush of my young life on a guy named Heath. It started in sixth grade, but I digress. As often happens, there was a dance, and my friend Angela and I went. Of course Heath was there, acting crazy as always. Several times during the evening, he and his friends asked me to dance, probably as a joke, so of course I giggled, and Angela and I went to hide in the restroom - several times. (I'll point out here that I didn't actually talk to Heath; just pined for him from afar.) Angela was so embarrassed. I didn't have enough sense to be embarrassed; even though I didn't dance with anyone, I was thrilled with the attention.
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Also in eighth grade, I had a class with Heath, and he sat two seats behind me. One day as he was passing by, he picked up the Sweet Valley High book that was lying with my stuff. Looking at what was written on the cover, he said, "'Lose her best friend'? Oh no!" Then he put the book down and proceeded to his seat. If I had been a chatty person, I would have struck up a conversation with him. I guess he wasn't too impressed with my ability to sit there and blush.
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For most of my high school years I had a huge crush on a guy named Trent. He was your basic handsome, popular, football-player type. He also went to my church. After one of our youth group get-togethers, he said he could drive me home. On the way home, he decided that he was hungry, so he turned the car around and drove to McDonald's where he treated me to a hamburger.
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January 12, 2001
Well, I think I accidentally ingested part of my plastic Taco Bell fork! Is that deadly: If I fall over dead, you all can assume that was it. I'm sure that's happened before (to someone) and will happen again. In happier news, I feel that I'm having a better hair day than I usually do. And it's Friday - woo hoo! I was a bit freaked about the eating the fork thing. I tried to search for medical advice on the Net. I thought that "accidentally consuming a broken off piece of a plastic Taco Bell fork" was too specific. I typed in "accidental ingestion of plastic forks" - looking at that phrasing cracks me up! It's like, "I accidentally ate this bag of plastic utensils! HELP!" As I typed that I was shaking with laughter - I've got tears! It is so funny! That plastic must be affecting my brain! Let me compose myself; [Guy 1] and [Guy 2] are supposed to be on the way over here. Looks like a pretty busy afternoon with [Guy 3] coming to help us move stuff around the office. Cool!
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January 26, 2001
Mom was let go from her job at the nursing home. She seems okay with it. Sara wondered why Mom didn't tell us right away; I said that Mom was probably a bit embarrassed. Mom and Sara could do a lot more if they just had a little more confidence! In some areas, I need more confidence also, but I have more than they do. I guess it comes through experience. I try to tell them that they'll get better at the stuff they're learning with a bit of practice, but they seem determined to hide behind "I can't do that! It's too late to learn!" For crying out loud, I got a D in my last class, and it was one that I really wanted to excel at! Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm stupid and have no redeeming qualities. It just means that professor was a jerk. (Just kidding.)
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January 29, 2001
I woke up from a dream that I saw Trent [one of my old crushes] again. In the dream I quickly remembered that he's married and he introduced me to his wife. This morning I was mildly depressed over my own failed relationship(s) and nowhere job.
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March 26, 2001
One weird thing from last night made me feel good. First of all I was glad no one there was rude to me because I like that store and I feel bad about returning to buy things if they're rude during inventory. But second I was in the candle section with Chris (who is so cute and nice, BTW), and Kim stopped by to see Chris. I heard her say, "Are you trying to make me jealous?" I deduced that she was referring to me; it seems like she mentioned him being there with - I can't remember that part exactly. Is she jealous of me there with my stupid hair and no makeup face? Actually if the truth be known - I was feeling pretty darn attractive and attitude IS everything!
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June 21, 2001
I had a pretty good time at the inventory gig. It was at a large department store, and I was almost late. (Sorry!) Seeing me, the manager said that I would be working in shoes. (I love the shoe department - boxed shoes are so easy to count!) A bit later she was giving instructions to the group. She finished by telling people which department to work. She said, "If I told you to go to shoes, follow Anne." I gave her a surprised look. Who? What? Me? I didn't even know where the shoe department was! When the Shoe Group arrived, the others were asking *me* if they should start counting with the stuff on the wall. I was confused and in denial: "I have no idea!" I really thought the manager was kidding when she told them to follow me, and I was sure that *I* was not the one to tell them where to count. Another supervisor arrived, but he was giving me instructions to give the others. Finally I rose to the challenge, handling crises and assigning people areas to count. It's kinda cool being in charge. :) Of course after we left the shoe department I went back to being a worker bee...
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July 18, 2001
At work yesterday as I was passing by the coffee table, I almost stepped on a little lizard. As you can probably imagine, I wasn't expecting that and was rather surprised, although I think I recovered nicely after only a small fit of screaming. Today, I looked over and there was the lizard, sitting (or maybe standing) in the floor next to my chair. I've been looking for him every time I take a step since yesterday, so I wasn't too surprised. I stealthily grabbed my empty fast-food drink cup and set it over him, then I slid the cup on a folder and drug it to the door and put him outside. I do that at home too: catch bugs and put them outside. I can't stand to squash things, and besides, how does one get squashed lizard out of the carpet?
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February 12, 2002
I'm in the midst of a string of busy days. I have much homework that I need to do, and I am slowly but surely working on it.
I'm also recovering from a yucky weekend. The trouble started on the way home on Friday night, about 11:30. Suddenly, police lights flash behind me - a cop is pulling me over. I truly had no idea why - I wasn't speeding. He told me one of my headlights was out, then he took my license and went back to his car for ten minutes while I wondered, "He can't give me a ticket for a busted headlight can he?" He wrote me out a warning. As I was signing it, the song "Criminal" by Fiona Apple started playing on my radio. I hope he heard it too: talk about irony!
Pretty crappy, yes? Wait, there's another log: I made it to the highway and turned and proceeded toward home. I noticed the Highway Patrol had stopped on the roadside and were giving some guy the field sobriety tests. I drove on and suddenly BLUE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING BEHIND ME AGAIN! Yes, I was being pulled over for the second time in ten minutes!!!!!!!! I stopped again, thinking "This is NOT happening." The copper tells me, "You were swerving back there. Have you been drinking?" I said a curt, "no." He took my license and he and the other one - apparently he needed backup - were looking at my car. One says, "Did you know your headlight isn't working?" I flashed my warning paper and said, "Yeah, he just gave me a warning for that around the corner." The guy was like, "Well, we're just giving you all kind of trouble tonight aren't we?" I said a curt, "Yep." He gave me my license back and told me to be careful.
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17 Oct 2002
What part of "Get lost, creep!" does he not understand?
If you can believe it, Ray tried to call again yesterday. He left another message with three phone numbers where I could reach him. Why?! I guess he was encouraged when I didn't hang up on him the last time. Hey, I have no hard feelings. I just accepted that he and I aren't meant to be together. Now if he would just accept it ...
My spiteful side takes a little pleasure in him calling and getting no answer. "See there?" it says. "It doesn't feel good to try to call people and not be able to reach them, now does it. Remember all those times I waited for you to call and you never did? Maybe you should have!"
I was thinking this morning that he'll turn 40 on the 24th of this month. Let me guess, he's not seeing anyone so he's thinking again about good old Anne. It reminds me of a song by Dwight Yoakam: "You keep calling me, on the telephone; you say you're all alone. Well, that's *real* sad..." But I ain't that lonely yet! I plan to avoid contact with him for a month or two, then show up where he works, drop off the stuff I have of his, and firmly let him know he shouldn't bother to call me any more.
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1/3/03
How has your year been? Overall, mine's been great. I had the day off yesterday, so I went to lunch with my friend and had a wonderful time. I found several good bargains while shopping. I've accomplished some website updates. Work today was busy, in a good way. However, before you think bad things of me for being too perky and upbeat, just as I was about to leave work I found a three inch split in the seam at the back of my skirt. Thank heaven I had on underwear today ... just kidding! Well. Not kidding about wearing ... I mean, I usually wear ... oh, you know what I mean. I guess none of the three guys at work wanted to tell me, because that would prove that they were looking. Believe me, they couldn't have missed it. Surprisingly, I wasn't as embarrassed as you might suspect.
Unfortunately I couldn't just go home and laugh about it with my family. I had a couple of errands that had to be completed today. At first I tied my jacket around my waist, but that looked too conspicuous. So I put the jacket on but not all the way, so it hung a bit lower than normal. I was hoping it made me look quirky, but it was probably better described as "sloppy." :shrugs: Oh well. Maybe others can be entertained by my wacky antics.
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Thursday, February 06, 2003
In other news, a guy called work asking for the person in charge of the copier. Having had several bad experiences with rude telemarketers, I'm always on the defensive whenever one of them says the word "copier." The guy asked if I was in charge of the copier and I said in a bored/whatever tone, "Yeah, sure." He asked for my name, and I gave him a fake one. :wicked grin: He began telling me how he's obligated to inform us of changes to the prices of toner. (Wha . . . ?) My spider sense started to tingle, telling me that he was somehow trying to scam me, so I said, "No thanks," and quickly hung up on him. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. Knowing it was probably that guy calling again, I attempted to make my voice sound different. It was him, and he asked to be put through to the bogus name I gave. I told him that person had left for the day. Not to be discouraged, he tells me, "I like your accent." Then he says, "I bet you're beautiful too." Are you kidding me?! I've been answering the phones at work for over three years and flattery is *not* the way to make a sale with me. I'm sure he'll call again tomorrow, and I'm hoping I have to get rude with him. Or maybe I'll interrupt him and say, "You know, your voice is very sexy. What are you wearing?" Or maybe after I tell him we're not interested, if he keeps trying to talk me into it, no matter what he says I'll respond with, "Buttercup."
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003
The Lazy Lover
Last week, Nicholas found my site collective and left a message in my guestbook. I sent him an email, saying that I didn't tell him about my sites because I didn't really want him to know about them. I said that I post my private thoughts there and I'd prefer that people in my real life not read them, because I know how people tend to draw conclusions based on misinterpretations of things other people say/write. The next day, he was at work and asked to speak to me on a personal note. The general point of his speech was that he realized that we don't really have a relationship, so basically he was giving up.
He said a lot of things that as I thought about them later made me quite angry. One of those was that the only emotion I seem to show him is anger. Huh? I don't think that was the case at all; that peevish email was the first example I could think of that I spoke harshly to him. He also pointed out all the things that he's done for me, and he remarked that I hadn't done anything to show him that I care. He said, "It could be that you're lazy as a lover." (Note: he meant "lover" as in one who loves, not the commonly used meaning for the word.) What right does he have to say that? I told him clearly that my feelings for him are mostly those of friendship. I never asked him to do any of the things he did for me; I even wondered several times if his actions were attempts to force a relationship between us. Plus, if he was doing those things out of love - as he claimed - he wouldn't have been keeping a record of them.
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Friday, April 18, 2003
Once upon a time, two years ago
Two years ago day I opened my first website. This is what it looked like. (Yes, I've always been a big fan of the table layout - and the exclamation point! :)
Now it's time for another installment of Adventures in Registering. In the previous entry, I wrote how my advisor was pretty, well, worthless. (He's a great guy and an excellent instructor, but quite possibly the world's worst advisor.) Sadly, I have yet more proof to that fact. The day after I registered, I discovered that a class normally offered during the spring semester has been split into two parts, so I needed to register for the first part, which would be offered in the fall. Why didn't my advisor tell me this, when I was in his office the day before? I know that he's beyond busy, but this is why one needs an advisor. So, I had to visit him again for another signature. Yesterday I went to register and learned that the time of the new class conflicts with the time of one of my other two classes, so I couldn't add the other class. That's frustrating but I can't really say that I'm surprised: the class schedules are frequently messed up like that at my school. Today I emailed my advisor who - much to my surprise - wrote back to say that "they" are working on resolving the problem. It makes sense that I'm not the only one this problem is affecting; the conflict is between two senior level classes. I swear, the scheduling department is run by monkeys.
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Thursday, May 01, 2003
Mrs. Reeves
I went to an inventory at a pet store. Kat, a fellow employee, greeted me with "I have met the man you are meant to marry." As I'm thinking, "Wow! She met Keanu Reeves?!" she proceeds to tell me all of the wonderful qualities of some guy named David who works with her at her second job. Isn't that predictable? There I am, content with my life, minding my own business, then someone shows up, putting me on the spot, declaring that they've met my Mr. Right. She asked excitedly if I'd be interested in meeting him; I gave my standard noncommittal response: "I guess there's no harm in meeting." Then, as soon as the gig was over, I snuck out before Kat could find me and try to set up a date.
Another friend of mine tried several times to set me up with some guy she knew. When describing him, she said, "He's . . ." Then she paused, as if searching for a word that was truthful, yet somewhat flattering, " . . . nice." The look on her face as she said that - a look that said she was hopeful because she pitied him (and possibly me) - literally made my stomach churn as I thought of meeting this less-than-stellar person. I know that she and Kat are just trying help, but if I can't find a guy on my own, I'd prefer not to have one at all. After my many failed relationships, I'm pretty jaded when it comes to dating. If I haven't met the guy and felt some sort of spark between us, even getting me to meet him would be a major feat. Also because of those failed relationships, I'm very content to be single.
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14 Jan 2005
the hardest part? waiting
Thanks to work, I have yet to watch Wednesday's episode of Alias. (I REALLY hope I got it on tape!) So now I'm diligently avoiding all of the entertainment news sites that I usually visit, because lately those sites are really bad about spoiling surprises. Even the TV Guide descriptions are very spoiler-y; they'll start with something like, "The gang copes with Bob's sudden demise . . ." and it's like, "WHAT?! Bob's dead?!" Yeah, not good.
Thanks to work also, I'm working today. (Huh?) Usually I'm off on Friday, but the boss has movers taking some extra furniture to the DC office, so here I am. The movers arrived about nine, but then they decided to get the stuff from the boss's house first, so I'm stuck here waiting for their return. After they get all this junk out, I need to assemble the new desk I purchased. I was hoping to have that done today, so I can start out next week ready to work, but if it gets too late, I'll just go and leave that for later. I have to work at my second job tonight, and I fully intend to go home first and rest for several hours first.
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05/15/03
In the previous entry, I was fretting over whether or not I'd be able to watch Alias: thankfully, the storms didn't start until the next morning, so the show was aired as scheduled. However, I might have understood it more if I hadn't actually seen it. o.0
In other news, last week I was chatting with some people from my part-time job, and one of them mentioned that he has a small website. (He calls it his "poetry-o-rama" - on the site, not in real life. :) After briefly considering whether or not I'd written anything that could later be used against me - :wink: - I shared that I too have websites. When I'm at the computer, I don't think anything about it, but it sounds a bit odd saying "I have websites" out loud to others when there isn't a computer anywhere around. Anyway. Although he was the only one who wrote down my site's URL, a few other people might have heard me say it, so anyone visiting here from my part-time job should consider themselves greeted. Send me an email, or sign the guestbook or something - let me know what you think! And if you read something juicy here and you think you know who I'm talking about ... let's just keep that between the two of us, a'ight?
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June 19, 2003
From one bad situation to another there is a guy, CH, that I sort of liked from my part-time job? He's young, cute, and usually nice; I know nothing could happen with him, but flirting can be fun. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was counting magazines beside him at a Books-A-Million. He said, "The worst part of counting magazines is those perfume samples they stick in 'em." I said, lightly, "Oh, I kinda like those, but what do I know?" He replied, "Eh - you don't know anything." John (a guy I briefly dated) was on my other side, and he guffawed at that. I'm sure CH was just teasing, like guys do, put I felt put down - hard. I tried to shake it off. As that evening passed, CH and I spoke several times more about lame work-related stuff; he even sat right beside me when we were on a break, and we chatted about school, etc. Later, I was counting near him again - and other people were around too - a book fell off of a shelf (no doubt due to someone rattling a different part of the shelf as they counted) and CH said, "Anne!" as if I was the one who made it fall, even though I was four feet away from it. Yeah, more of that clever guy humor, I guess. :| But then he said, "See, even the books don't like you." What?! Ouch, again!
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July 9, 2003
I'd really love to talk to one of my on-line friends about this, but she's not having such a great time in the romance department and I'd hate for her to feel bad or think I was bragging. Several months ago, I was telling one of my real-life friends about going out with Brian - I was trying to emphasize that we were mostly hanging out as friends. My real-life friend is also not having much luck in the romance department, and she said, "Oh, you had a DATE." At one point she said it in a way that implied she thought I was bragging. That was certainly not my intention: I was just telling her what I'd been up to lately. However, since then I've been especially sensitive to not telling others when really good things happen - or might happen. So, here I am, spilling my guts in the Secret Journal. I also sorta wish that somehow I could see Brian and not have my sister know about it, because when some guy is trying to "woo" me, she often gets depressed and demands why no guys ask her out. It makes me feel bad, but it shouldn't. It's like, "I'm sorry that someone likes me." I know that it's tough to watch other people get what you think you want, but I crazily believe that someone's friends should be happy for her when something good is happening.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
no harm in looking
No, I didn't enter the engineering field because of the high male to female ratio of the classes - that's just one of the really nice perks. *g* Most of the time, I don't even waste my time looking at the guys, because there are very few that I could/would actually date. Either they're too young, or they've got girlfriends or wives, or they're conceited jerks or sometimes all three apply. Even if I knew the guy was available, I wouldn't actually be able to say anything coherent. I'd just glance at him every now and again, hoping he could see the interest in my eyes. More than likely, he'd perceive that I'm stuck-up: I'm really not, I'm just shy! That's too bad too, because usually it's my personality that attracts guys to me. Of course, usually it attracts people that I don't want, but that's another whine for another time.
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Thursday, September 25, 2003
On Tuesday night, I happened to be leaving class right before Eddie, my crush/ideal of the perfect physical specimen. As we were going outside, he was about ten or so steps behind me. I kept thinking I should pause a bit and casually ask if he went to our/my old school. (I really think he did!) It was the perfect opportunity: the sun was going down, and dim light is a very good thing. No one else was around, and I had on what I think is a really cute shirt. It would've been so easy to just turn and ask - no big deal, right? But I just kept walking, plodding along without looking back, and the moment passed. I kicked myself over that all the way home. I figured that I'd eventually have another chance, but I couldn't imagine there being a better opportunity.
The next evening, our design project group was meeting. He's in that group, and at one point we wound up alone in the room. For a second, I went back to looking at my book, acting like I was working on homework. Then I recalled that I vowed to myself to take the next opportunity to ask him about the school. So, I looked over and said, "Did you ever go to (School Name)?" He nodded briefly, then said, while looking right at me, "I know who you are." He said, "You live by Joe Johnson, right?" I said, yes, and asked, "And you used to live right across the street." He said yes. Since most of the teachers at the college call me by my first name, he said he wondered about that, then when the group exchanged email addresses, he saw that I'm anne at (Company Name). He said something like, "I was sure that was you. I almost looked it up in one of my annuals." Inside, I gasped because I had I looked him up in *my* annual a few weeks ago. I don't remember the order of the conversation exactly, but he said that he remembered riding the bus with me, to which I said, "Wow - that was such a long time ago." I've always had a real grasp of the obvious. :rollseyes:
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Friday, October 03, 2003
Baby got . . . D'OH!
I've been having an awkward week. On Monday, I was asked to go to the board to work one of the test problems as we were reviewing the test. The way the board is, I had to squeeze between a guy already at the board and a long table. I finished writing my problem, but the guy I squeezed past was still there, squatting down to write the last of his problem at the bottom of the board. As I tried to squeeze past again, I bumped him with my, er ... um, posterior, and he lost his balance a bit. D'OH!! Sorry, Andrew! He sits next to me, and I almost apologized again after class, adding with a laugh that I must have misjudged the dimensions of my backside. *blushes*
Another awkward moment: on Tuesday, when it was almost time for my second class, I went to get some water. Who should come around the corner by the water fountain? Yep, Eddie. At that moment, I started back to the study area for my books, so we were walking side by side. He looked over and said, "What's going on?" I swallowed the rest of my water (D'OH!!) and said, without looking directly at him, "Not much. What's going on with you?" I think he said, "not much," then the rest of our brief walk to the room was pretty silent.
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Thursday, October 09, 2003
longing for the sounds of silence
While I was in the computer lab, a guy that I've seen before came in. For some reason, he always tries to strike up a conversation with me, to the point where it's mildly annoying. He asks, "Are you still working? How much longer do you have in school? Do you work on the weekends? What do you do on the weekends? Do you like to cook? What kind of news interests you?" He didn't ask them all in a row, but he asked them all - and more! - in the span of maybe fifteen minutes. I would think that by the way I only respond briefly, he would get that I'm not interested in chatting, but that is not the case. He even asked, "Are you always so quiet?" Yes, always. He's asked before what I do on weekends; ladies, take note: that is a way that guys will try to work into asking you out. (If you say, "I like to go to the movies/hiking/whatever," then they can respond, "I was thinking of checking out that new movie/hiking trail/whatever. Maybe we could go . . .?") I know this, so I curtly respond that I spend my weekends doing homework.
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Monday, February 16, 2004
"A river divides us."
Speaking of love, or something like it, our design project group met last week, but it was just Eddie, Melissa, and me. Eddie asked again where I went after graduation, when I just "disappeared." (Call me crazy, but when he asks questions like that, trying to find out about me, my intuition tells me that he's trying to find out if I was married or am seeing anyone.) In typical vague fashion, I said that I worked for a few years before deciding that I wanted to become an engineer. He said, "You must have been smoking some bad dope that day." lol! I agreed, "Apparently, I was on crack." While we were asking questions, I said that I had one for him, and asked when he started going by "Eddie;" he explained that the coach started calling him that in ninth grade and it sort of stuck. I think I would have told the coach that if he wants my attention he should call me by my actual name.
Over the course of the evening we chatted quite a bit. Among other things, he also remembered that I went on a trip ("to New York or Washington DC, or somewhere") when I was in high school. It was Washington DC, but I was really surprised that he remembered that. I don't care if he does have a girlfriend: deep down, no one can convince me that he's not a little bit interested in me. Whether he is or not - I may have written this before - I wouldn't really pursue a relationship with him, because we're too different. Still, it's really fun to flirt. :wink:
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12 Mar 2004
the hopes and fears of all the years
I don't have many dreams. For the last few years my expectations from life have been minimal. Even now as I'm about to graduate from college, I wouldn't call that fulfilling a dream - it's more like something that just happened. But getting a house has been the one constant dream I remember, I guess because unlike something like getting married - which I believe has staggering odds against me ever finding a man that I would actually marry - getting a house is something I can do.
Even though I said I'm trying not to expect the cost to be affordable: deep down, I do think it will be. I've been praying about it - a lot - and everything seems to be happening just right. I found a current source for the plan that I liked about ten years ago. The bank's estimated amount that I could borrow was more than I expected. Plus, since I plan to build on land my mom owns, the bank said that I could probably use the equity to pay for the down payment, something I definitely didn't expect! I even had some concerns about my job situation lasting until I close on the loan, but those have since been put away after a talk with my boss. Some might chalk all of this up to coincidence, but I don't believe that. I feel like I'm watching in awe as the whole universe works to make my dream happen.
*smiles* Well, that was a bit grand, wasn't it? You know, honestly, even if it doesn't happen now, I'll believe that it's for the best, according to God's plan for me. Either way, it's exciting to watch.
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Monday, November 08, 2004
As I exited the trail and started for my car, some guy behind me observed that it was a nice day for hiking. I agreed that it was before turning back toward my car. Walking behind me, the guy observed my parking decal from UAH and he said that he also went there. I said that I graduated in May, and he said that he graduated during the summer. We spoke briefly about that, and he finally walked around my car to introduce himself. (His name is Steve.) He said, "So . . . do you like to go hiking? Or to the movies?" At a loss for words, I said a very casual, "Yeah, sometimes . . ." He seemed like an okay guy, but hardly my idea of a dream date. I knew that my clipped up, windblown hair must've looked awful, and that made me wonder if he thought I was desperate or something. And what type of guy would ask someone out mere moments after meeting them? There at the end of the trail was the first time I had seen him all day: for most of the hike I was alone. He told me where he works and said I should drop by if I want to get together sometime.
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November 9, 2004
Show me the money!
Last week, my boss asked me to order Christmas cards; knowing that the store would want a deposit, I replied that I'd need more money because the small cash advances he keeps giving me keep getting spent. Yesterday the check arrived - at my house for some unknown reason - so I decided to go to the bank then to order the cards this morning. Again, he sent two hundred dollars. I expected the cards to be around half of that (which they were) and I remember thinking that as long as he doesn't want me to order business cards for anyone, I should be okay.
This morning, what do I find? You guessed it! An email from the boss asking me to order business cards for not one but two employees. :screams for five full minutes in frustration: I know the boss thinks that all I do is ask for money but WHY does he not send me more money?! When he gives the other guys in the office an advance, he usually gives them one thousand dollars! But for me it's always 200 at a time. I wrote to him telling him the cost of the cards, but I didn't mention that the business cards will probably be almost $100 as well. Plus I wanted to get 100 seasonal stamps with which to mail the cards, but it looks like now I'll have to make do with regular flag stamps for most of them.
I guess the boss doesn't want me to have too much $$ in case I decide to skip town or something. :rollseyes: Like I'd ruin my good name for a couple hundred dollars! If he thinks that, after all the years I've worked here, I find that beyond insulting. I always list everything I buy with the money he gives, and every cent is accounted for.
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19 Jan 2005
read between the lines
I need to be working on my petty project at work, but it's one of those where it's not clear what I should be doing, so I'm having trouble proceeding . . . plus I'm lazy. And at the same time I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with stuff I need to do. Nah, not with work - don't be silly! lol - but with my websites. I just noticed that it was a month ago today that I updated one, and if my stats are correct, the site is getting a few more visitors than it has been. That's great because feeling like it was neglected doesn't exactly inspire updates, but now I'm feeling pressured to update, but no time to do it . . . sigh.
I don't know if this is brought on by the string of super-busy days that I had last week, or what. I even felt drained yesterday evening and skipped exercising, something that I rarely do.
In other news, one of my on-line dating prospects (I've no idea how to correctly refer to him, so that'll have to do) found my personal site. No, not this one obviously, but the more public one. He didn't seem mad, but I couldn't help feeling like I'd somehow been caught in a lie. I explained that I used to give the site's link out to people that I "met" online, but certain reactions made me think that I was sharing too much. I hope he's not mad, and I hope that he doesn't read my casually-posted comments and then read too much into them.
. . .
31 Jan 2005
take those charts and shove 'em!
I'm in a very, very, very, very VERY BAD MOOD! I came in to work earlier than usual to "help" with the crap they're working on, and first thing I find an email from the boss asking me, no, telling me to basically redo work that I had already finished and got a "good job" from the person that checked it. I only did it the way I did because that's the way the information was provided to me. GAH!
More maddening than that, the boss adds about four more tasks for me to do, include making some charts - "in Word," he specified. So there I am, fulfilling the ONLY stipulation for the charts: creating them using Microsoft Word. I've finished two of the three charts when he comes in, asking for some guy's number. The boss is bragging on the way this guy did the charts for us before. So he's calling this guy, but when I say that I no longer need to work on them, the boss says that I can go ahead and save my charts, if I've already done them. THANKS FOR THE PERMISSION, JERKWAD! WHY THE &^%$# DO I NEED TO KEEP MY CHARTS IF THE OTHER GUY IS GOING TO DO THEM IN SOME PERFECT WAY?!?!
So while I'm inwardly seething about having wasted an hour working on worthless charts, the boss wants to show me the charts that Lee made. Um WHY DO I NEED TO SEE THE CHARTS THAT HE MADE WHEN HE IS COMING TO REDO THEM? Should I try to do them that way, so that Lee can just come and do them, and my charts not be used? GAH!!!!!!!
All this comes as I find myself particularly frustrated this morning about the lack of job prospects that I have. :cries: Combine that with this job mess, and again I'm fantasizing about turning in my notice. My two second notice. My "I'm out of here and I HOPE you find a replacement who will put up with your condescending attitude for HALF as long as I have!" notice.
. . .
Thursday, March 10, 2005
a definite maybe?
The guy [at my interview] was very nice but at one point, he politely mentioned that, "There are a lot of opportunities for civil engineers in town," then he said something about my remaining as an admin assistant for so long. I got the impression that he may have thought I was turning down engineering offers, or something! I replied lightly that I've applied for several opportunities but wasn't selected. I wanted to add that just finding a job that doesn't ask for years of experience is tough, not to mention the fact that there's usually quite a bit of competition for those jobs. Still, his remark was eye-opening: so THAT'S what people think when they look at my work history. I mistakenly thought they'd realize that the admin job was just to help me get through school, and I thought that they'd think my five-plus years at the job showed my dependability. If there's a next time, I'll know to clearly spell it out for them.
My biggest regret is that when he asked what salary I'd expect, I'm afraid I may have said something too high! I had looked on the internet to get an idea of a starting salary, just in case they asked, but still . . . I hope I didn't price myself out of the running! I wanted to say that at this point, I expect - and would be happy with - very little, because I know that while they're training me I won't be terribly productive for them. Oh, well. Hopefully I gave a realistic number . . . as I drove away, I pictured the interviewer howling with laughter. Then I imagine the others come in, he shows them my salary range, and they start laughing so hard they get tears . . .
. . .
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
a ticket to ride
Last night was the first time I've seen our district manager since I lost my other job; I felt a bit embarrassed, since she's asked me several times before to come to work full time for them. She even offered me $1 more an hour than I was making. (Did I mention that?) I'm still not interested, but I felt like she could gloat about it. She didn't, but I just felt a bit self-conscious about it. I felt the same way when I went to the gig on Friday morning. That was the first day-time inventory I've done with them during the week, and I felt like everyone was thinking, "Well, look who lost her high-and-mighty daytime job, and now has to mingle with us common people!" Yeah, I was overreacting, especially since most of the people were new and didn't realize that my being there at a daytime store during the week was unusual.
. . .
May 19th, 2005
My errands continued. First I went to pay my car insurance. I left the car insurance place and pulled onto the street; I hadn't gone half a mile when a police car was flashing its lights behind me! I pulled over, truly about to cry because I *just* now re-earned the good driver discount on my insurance after my last (and first!) ticket. The cop walks over asking if I knew how fast I was going. I guess I had sped up to merge into traffic when I pulled onto the highway, but I knew it wasn't that bad. I said that I thought I was going the speed limit. He repeated that in a tone that indicated how he totally didn't believe me. He looked at my license and said a car like mine was speeding and he wanted to see if he got the right one. He asked when I got on the highway and I said that I had just left my insurance agent. The cop returned my license and told me to have a nice day or be careful or something. I proceeded - VERY cautiously - to my next errand, which was getting my hair trimmed.
. . .
May 23, 2005
dust yourself off and try again
I’m having a very disappointing couple of days. A few days ago a friend shared pictures that they had took of us and yee-IKES, do I look TERRIBLE! I usually hate pictures of me, but this time when the pictures were taken I was actually thinking that I looked okay. I’d even go so far as to say that I thought I looked pretty: what a laugh. Seeing those pictures, I almost started to cry at how freakish I look. I bitterly thought how not long ago I was foolishly entertaining the thought - again - that some movie star would be attracted to me. Such an occurrence could not be farther from the truth.
I'm still feeling ugly, but I’m trying to remind myself that just as the *few* pictures where I think I look good don’t really represent what I see in the mirror, I guess the really ugly pictures don’t represent what everyone else sees . . . I hope. Still, my inner voice taunts me that this is why none of my crushes ever liked me, and why people always picked on me.
. . .
June 27, 2005
Am not! Are too!
This musing comes after yesterday, when I spent about four hours trapped in a van with a particularly unpleasant co-worker. I've worked with her before - again trapped in a van as we travel to and from an out-of-town gig - and I knew that she was like that. But yesterday the extent of her discontent became apparent when she declared that "anyone who likes classical music is either old or a fool." A fool, she says! She is so small-minded that she cannot comprehend how someone could like that which she does not. After that, all I can do is pity her; I hear her spouting things like that, and I sadly wonder what kind of life she must have had to bring her to such a negative state of mind.
While I'm trying to avoid the waves of negativity produced by the first co-worker, another one tried my patience with his flaming rudeness. He was driving, and I was sitting in the passenger's seat, and just to make conversation on the long ride, I started a brief story of the last time I did an inventory in that area. Does that guy show the same respect that I do when people are talking to me? Of course not. He interrupts to point out some landmark. Then does he say, "Oh, I'm sorry - you were saying?" Of course not, again. I just turned to look out the window. And people wonder why I'm so quiet! Obviously, most people don't want to listen anyway.
. . .
Thursday, July 28, 2005
moving right along
Anyway. As mentioned there's a cute new manager at work and I like him. And it's not like just, "Oh, he's cute." The more I learn about him the more I think that he could really be something special. And you know, that scares me to death. I had pretty much given up on thoughts like that because to this point, there was only one guy that I could ever see myself marrying, and that was years ago, and he's married to someone else now. I know I'm premature in thinking things like that about the new guy, but I was just so surprised to find myself thinking that way! At one point I found myself thinking how I'd like to kiss him, and I started to fret that suppose he and I went out and he just wasn't that into me, just as I wasn't that into the last guy who fell for me? The surprising revelations about myself continued because I instantly realized that I'd *rather* be the one who loves more. Of course I don't want it to be one-sided, but to just let yourself go and feel so strongly for someone ... that's the kind of thing they write songs and movies about.
