YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE WHEN:

- A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.
- All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.
- There are enough candles on your cake to set off your smoke alarm.
- The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.
- You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together. (Or,
- You wake up and can't remember where you put your teeth).
- Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.
- Your children's school calls to surrender.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection, plastic.
- Your plants do better when you don't talk to them.
- Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
- You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
- Your suggestion box starts ticking.
- You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
- The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
- The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.
- The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.