Chez Comedy

Great TV Sitcom Scenes

My epal, Michele, and I were sharing some of our favorite funny moments from television situation comedies. Here are a few of the ones we liked.

From Wings

An old buddy of Joe is walking around the airport terminal. It is obvious he is looking for someone. He is very good looking. Helen is watching him intently. Fay walks over to Helen and says, "Helen, have you noticed that man over there?" Helen replies, "Notice him? I'm thinking about what I should get him for our 25th wedding anniversary." (by Michele)

From Perfect Strangers

A very pregnant friend of Balki's was staying with him and Larry and one night she went into labor, and Larry and Balki were nervous wrecks, running around bumping into things and tripping over things. Balki called the hospital and said, "Hello, hospital? Baby is coming!" To which Larry grabbed the phone from Balki and said "You just can't call the hospital and say 'baby is coming!'. Look, I'll talk to them." To which he says into the receiver, "Hello hospital? The baby is coming!" and hung up the phone. (by Michele)

Balki had become a couch potato. He was about to use the remote control and Larry took it away from him. Balki said, "That's okay, because I have this!" He held up his pointer finger and reached toward the TV. Larry grabs Balki and they struggle, like one would struggle to get a gun away from an armed assailant. Finally they stop struggling, since the pointer finger is bent. Balki looks sadly at it, then brightens. He gleefully holds up the pointer finger of the other hand and the struggle resumes.(by Anne)

From Full House

DJ and Kimmy are in charge of the entertainment at some jr high dance and at the last minute the band backs out. So DJ gets Uncle Jesse to front a replacement band. Here, it's the marching band! He walks up to the microphone and dryly says into it "DJ Tanner, report to the stage immediately!" (by Michele)

Danny forced a bickering Stephanie and DJ to stay in their room together until they got along. Stephanie says to her beloved stuffed animal, Mr.. Bear, "So, Mr.. Bear, when do you think DJ will come to her senses and apologize?" DJ answers, "When that Bear answers you out loud." (by Michele)

The guys were imagining what it would be like if the girls still lived at home when they were adults. There was this really funny fantasy sequence where They were these old geezers and DJ, Stephanie and Michelle were in their early 30's. Kimmy Gibbler walks into the room, now a sexy, busty bombshell. As the guys reflect on this little prediction, Danny says, "We can all learn a little something from this." To which Joey replies, "Yeah. I'm going to start being really nice to Kimmy Gibbler!" (by Michele)

From Growing Pains

Carol was smitten with the Hunky guy who was hired to (paint?) Jason's office. She's in there with him when there is a ruckus in the living room (can't recall what caused the ruckus) she runs out and there are two definite handprints (paint?) on her rear-end! (by Michele)

Carol was tutoring the school's hunky football star, Bobby and her friends didn't believe that they were fooling around up in her room (they weren't). The one friend says, "Come on, Carol. Everyone knows you're .... immaculate!" (by Michele)

From Laverne and Shirley

In an episode of Laverne and Shirley, someone wrote their names and phone number on the wall of the men's restroom. They kept on getting these lewd phone calls. On the one call Laverne says something like, "And let me tell you something, buster! What you just said is sick! Sick! Sick! And I wouldn't do any of those things with you ... except maybe possibly that third thing ..." (by Michele)

Shirley was berating Laverne for being kind of "loose" with men (even though they were both "good girls" Laverne just liked to make out with them!) Shirley says, "You see, Laverne, I choose to treat my body like a temple. You , however, treat yours like an amusement park!" (by Michele)

From Three's Company

Mr. Roper sells Jack, Janet and Chrissy his car, but he doesn't tell them it's on its last leg. Meanwhile someone else wants to buy the car and offers Roper a lot of money for it. Mr. Roper wants to buy the car back from J, J and C and even offers to give them an extra $100 back for it. Jack and Janet readily agree, but Chrissy says no. J, J, and C go into the kitchen where Chrissy says they have to tell Mr. Roper about the car's condition before they agree to let him take it back. Jack or Janet says, "Don't you see, Chrissy, this is the answer to our prayers." Chrissy protests, "No it isn't. Nobody prayed!" Janet says, "Well, let's start now. (She folds her hands and looks upwards.) Please make Chrissy change her mind!" Jack folds his hands and looks upwards and says, "Or better yet, give her one." (by Michele)

I love the scene in the episode where Janet has a difficult new boss at the flower shop. Mr. Furley and Terri go into the flower shop and see the new boss - I'll call her B for short. Mr. Furley tells B that he would like some nails. B replies, "What? We don't have nails here." Mr. F asks, "Then how did you hang those pictures on the walls?" Mr. F and Terri keep giving B a hard time, asking for nails, a hammer, etc. B's supervisor finally comes out and asks if there's a problem. Frustrated, B tells him, "Yes, these people are asking for things that we don't sell." Mr. F innocently asks the supervisor, "Do you have any chrysanthemums?" (by Anne)

The Golden Girls

All the girls are sleeping in the same bed to keep warm (the heater is broken) and Rose is saying her prayers (out loud). All of a sudden this voice booms out: "Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer. Now shut up and get into bed!" (by Michele)

In one episode, Blanche is depressed that she's going through menopause. She's worried that she'll never be attractive to men again. While she's wallowing in her self-pity a man is over the house (I forgot who he is) and she perks up and starts flirting with him. Dorothy comments "She can be in a coma. A man's within five miles of her, she'll roll over and shave her legs." (by Michele)

Rose's boyfriend spent the night. The next morning, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose are in the kitchen. Sophia comes in and tells Rose that there is a man in her bed, and that the man is dead. Rose refuses to believe it and Dorothy and Blanche suggest that she check it out. Rose, obviously rattled says, "Come on, Dorothy, he's sleeping. I don't want to wake him." Sophia replies, "You can light firecrackers under his nostrils. It won't do any good!" (by Michele)

It's new year's eve and Rose got dumped by her date or something and was sitting on the couch, moping. Then Blanche walks in the door. Apparently, her date fluffed her off as well. And she's all like, "Well, I have to kiss somebody at midnight! She sits next to Rose and sulks too. The TV is on and you can hear the countdown and then the shouts of "Happy New Year!" Blanche glances over at Rose, and Rose, not even turning in Blanche's direction warns, "Don't even think about it!" Which causes Blanche to sulk even more! (by Michele)

Blanche was exchanging letters with a prison inmate and Dorothy berated her for leading him on with her sex fantasies. Blanche said something like "When I told him I wanted to make love to him on a hammock tied between two magnolia trees, he knows it's just a fantasy. That it could never happen!" Rose said, "Maybe it could if you lost a little weight." (AHAHAHAHAHA!) (by Michele)

Blanche and Rose were doing a dress rehearsal for a play and they were dressed as nuns. Anyway, they had to leave wherever they were right away because a hurricane was brewing outside. Meanwhile, Dorothy's uncle(?) who was a priest was visiting from Italy and Sophia convinced Dorothy to pretend she was still married to Stan and that the house was theirs. The Uncle walked into the kitchen where Blanche and Rose were, wearing the nun's habits and holding their clothes (their bras on top of the pile). They introduce themselves as "sister Rose" and "sister Blanche" and Blanche explains that "We're collecting lingerie for needy, sexy people." (by Michele)

Blanche wanted to take a stab at writing. She walks into the kitchen one morning, holding a stack of notebooks. It is obvious that she hasn't had a wink of sleep in a very long time. She is babbling on and on and she mentions something about her being a tortured soul like Van Gogh. Dorothy says, "Blanche, Van Gogh was a painter." Blanche says, "It doesn't matter. We're all artists. Maybe I'll cut off my hair like he did." Dorothy says, "Blanche, he cut off his ear!" Blanche seriously ponders over this for a few seconds, then dismisses it, saying, "I have too many earrings." (by Michele)

Dorothy and Rose remodeled the bathroom all by themselves. They were all finished and they (along with Blanche) decided to take a "test run" of the toilet, sink and shower to see if they were all working properly. One of them said, "All right girls, on the count of three. One, two three!" and each proceeded to flush the toilet, turn the sink on and turn the shower on. Everything worked and the three of them jumped up and down, yahooing all over the place. Sophia, famous for her last words, looks at them and says, "Knock it off! It's water, not oil!" (by Michele)

The girls are grocery shopping and Blanche is standing in front of a display of cantaloupes. A stockboy walks past and comments, "Nice Melons." To which Blanche happily replies, "Why, thank you!" (by Michele)

Dorothy and Rose were talking about 'Spanish fly' and rose had no idea what it was. Dorothy explained that it wasn't a fly, but a beetle. Rose asks, "Well, how do you know it's Spanish?" A fed up Dorothy barks, "Because it's wearing a little sombrero, Rose!" (by Michele)

Miscellaneous

In an episode of Newhart, Michael is the chief organizer for the town's annual apple festival and he totally over commercializes the whole thing. At one point he's wearing this very flashy white and red outfit and one of the locals comments, "Michael looked like an apple pimp." (by Michele)

In Married With Children, it was Christmas eve and Al was getting ready to close the shoe store so he could get to the bank before it closed. He had to take out money to buy gifts for Peg, Bud and Kelly. Anyway, he was just about to lock up when this woman in her 60's wanted to come in to buy a pair of shoes. Al let her in, but stressed she had to be quick because he had somewhere to go. She said "Oh, we won't be but a minute" and Al says "We?" and the woman looks behind her and says "Ma!" and this little old lady comes in, walking at a turtle's pace. The clock shows it's like, fifteen minutes later and the first lady says "Now, did you say fifteen ninety-nine (or whatever)?" and Al, obviously ready to choke her says, "Yes! Please hurry!" The woman reaches in her purse and says "I don't have the money." She turns to the little old lady who says "I don't have any money!" Al, who is ready to blow a gasket demands, "Well, who has it?!" And the little old lady looks behind her and yells "MA!" (by Michele)

In an episode of Third Rock. I think John Lithgow's character (I haven't watched the show in awhile so I forgot their names!) was jealous of a male friend of Jane Curtin's character, who was a writer and was doing a book signing. Anyway, John Lithgow bursts into the bookstore, holding a book and says really loud, "This man is a fake and he should be accused of plagiarism! I have proof that every word in that book has been written somewhere else! (he holds up the book he is holding) Perhaps you've heard of the dictionary?!" I don't know if that's the exact quote, but you get the gist of it. (by Michele)

From Family Ties. If you've ever seen the show you know about Mallory's boyfriend, Nick. He was over for dinner; everyone was sitting in the dining room. The table was set nicely and there was an elegance in the air. "This is nice. You people eat like this all the time?" he asked. Alex says, "You mean with utensils?" (by Michele)

From MaMa's Family

Mama was rushed to the hospital because she was hit in the face with a pot while making gooseberry jam. Anyway Naomi, Ellen and Eunice all had different versions on what happened. In Eunice's version Naomi is a total tramp. When the berries start boiling and making these popping sounds, Naomi says seductively, "It must be hot! I can hear those beads of sweat just popping out all over my body!" To which Mama replies, "It's the berries, you tramp!" The whole episode is just hilarious! (by Michele)

It's the one where Vint and Naomi get married (probably one of my all time favorite episodes). If you've seen it, you know about the whole fiasco about Mama giving Carl's sapphire ring to Vint and Eunice finding out about it and how she threw a fit during her singing solo at the ceremony and everything. Everyone stands up and starts fighting and Aunt Effie says what I think is one of the funniest lines in the history of the show: "Is this the line for the food?" (by Michele)

Naomi wanted to become a stewardess and Mama was helping her prepare for her big test. They had the living room set up like the inside of an airplane. Naomi tied Mama to the chair she was sitting in, simulating a seat belt. Naomi began sauntering down the aisle and Mama commented, "Is that the way you plan to walk today during your test?" "There is nothing wrong with the way I walk!" Mama comments, "Not if you want to look like a pigeon in heat!" (by Michele)

From The Facts of Life

The girls were getting ready for bed and Blair wanted to sleep with the window open. She opens it and is inspired and recites this poem. At the end she says wistfully "The Window by Emily Dickinson." Jo comes over and slams the window shut and says, "It's Freezing! Jo Polnechek!"