Chez Comedy
Once Upon An Email
These are excerpts from letters that I've written to people; I thought they were amusing, so I decided to include them here in my "Comedy Club."
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Can you believe it? They cancelled our 10 year class reunion! I guess that works out pretty well for me all around - I don't have to worry about finding a date or getting my hair to be perfect and of course I save that $50. But what am I gonna do with all of these business cards I had printed that list me as the Ambassador to Thailand?
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I sat in our company's booth at the college career day. The Navy had a booth near ours - one of those guys tried to recruit me when he heard that I am an engineering major, and the other one gave me his card and said for me to call him if I find myself in Nashville with nothing to do. (Note to self: avoid Nashville at all costs!)
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My boss saw my new style yesterday; she said, "Oh, you got your hair cut." Do people know that isn't exactly a compliment? That's just stating the obvious. It's like saying, "Oh, you have on a blue skirt."
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Here, good grief, I'm busy! What a month I have planned! School! Aargh! (I know, that I'm becoming monosyllabic - I don't have time for longer words!) Homework due Wednesday! TEST THIS COMING MONDAY! . . .
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My studies this semester are going pretty well.(The featured phrase is: this semester!) I got a 95 on the last test on which a third of the class made a "below 60." I thought the test was tough but fair, although I did not share this opinion with any of my classmates (for fear of an unquestionably tough pummelling)! Our Spring Break is Next Week - WOO HOO! My "crazy" plans include going to work and mailing off my state tax return.
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Let me get this straight - (name withheld) is in Huntsville? I will straightaway warn all of the women that I know! And (other name withheld) may come to Huntsville? "This town ain't big enough for the both of us!" ... This town ain't big enough for the one of him! (I wasn't going to go there, but I did and I'm glad.)
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Either I am having a string of good days or I am just thinking that I'm having a string of good days. As I write this it is gorgeous outside - sunny and blue-skied. I'm even feeling pretty good about my knowledge of the material for this evening's test - I know I'll be happy to have it over! At work, they keep giving me things to do. What's THAT about?
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. . . Oh yes, speaking of crack, my final ... well it's all over now but the drinking! (NOT kidding!) . . .
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Oh yes! I know that you'll appreciate the severity of the situation that I am about to tell you: yesterday morning as I was about to head out the door (late of course) I spilled my large travel mug of coffee! But you would have been proud of me: I was okay - I didn't fly off the handle and my head didn't spin around 360 degrees or anything. I knew that there was no use crying over spilled coffee.
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Wisconsin, huh? I've been there, to the Madison area. I'm having a good time pronouncing "Tomah" - how can I describe it? I kind-of hunch over and my jaw drops a bit and I say it in a nasally and drawn-out way like this "Tooooooooommmmmmmaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh." Kind of like one would chant a mantra - yes! That's the description I was looking for! (Try it - it's really freeing my mind .... or maybe my morning caffeine is just wearing off.)
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It was a pretty good evening EXCEPT that one local college alumni described to us his "Meat Science" course in which they killed and slaughtered a cow, a pig and a sheep. (Not coincidentally, I strongly dislike that college now.) "Meat Science"? Doesn't that sound perfectly awful? I'd call it "The Science of Death"! Or "Murder 101"! Or "Fifty Ways to Off an Oinker" ... Anyway! Does PETA know about this course?!
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My boss told me [going to California] would be a culture clash for me, because there are a lot of Spanish people there. Excuse me? My bosses are from India: coming to work is a culture clash for me! Plus, I used to work at restaurants - that would be a *severe* culture clash for my bosses!
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And yesterday as I was leaving my class, I almost ran into the car of the cute pony-tailed guy that sits next to me in class. Great! He finally notices me and now he thinks I'm a bad driver! I've noticed him walking in and out of class - he has a nice shape. If I were bold and flirty I could say to him, "Was that you I almost ran over on Monday after class? I'm very sorry; let me buy you a coffee to make up for it." Oh well ... I'm sure he's all wrong for me anyway. (If that's the case we'll probably wind up dating for a few years before I realize it!)
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Yep, the boss is away; I'm tearing myself away from dancing on the tables and doing the limbo long enough to drop you a few lines. :)
Chez Comedy is a rusted-crush production, with grateful acknowledgment to the sources that have helped make this site and this layout possible.