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Who Raised 'Em?! * In February 2000, I had the first perm of my life. When my boss saw it for the first time, she looked and seemed to be trying to suppress a smile. She didn't say anything at that time. She came to my desk an hour or so later and said, "I like your hair. Did you do it yourself?" As a matter of fact, I DID NOT! How could that be anything but an insult?
I was eating out about a year ago. The man in line ahead of me ordered a plain hamburger for his wife. He took their order to the table and I moved up a step in line. Before my order was completed the lady brought that hamburger back and snapped, "I need some mustard or something for this plain hamburger." HE ORDERED IT PLAIN! "Plain" does not mean "mustard only." I thought it was beyond rude of that lady to act as if the store employees cheated her when the food was exactly as requested.
A fellow server, Cathy, told me that a couple had come in for dessert, and they
ordered blackberry cobbler and we were out. She told them we were momentarily out. The man
slammed his hand on the table, shouted "That's the only reason we came here!", and pulled his
wife out of her seat and toward the door. Cathy thought he was kidding at first. (He wasn't.)
I remember one particularly nasty group of drunkards that came in late one weekend.
They were jerks the whole time, but what I remember most is the huge mess that they could only have left intentionally. A container of cocktail sauce had been dumped upside down on the table, and one of the plastic bags that we put our wrapped silverware in had what I assumed to be spit in it. And can you imagine that these charming, upstanding individuals did NOT leave a tip?
 Another couple was sitting at one of our two seater tables, a "two-top" as we call it, in the middle of the row of tables. To talk to people at these tables we have to stand behind one of the people and here I was standing behind the woman. After I delivered their drinks, I left again to give them some more time. I returned again, standing behind the woman. The man noticed me and said to the woman, "Are you ready?" The woman said to him in a most hateful way, "I'm looking!" I quickly said, "I'll give you some more time," and left. When I returned the woman acted like she didn't want anything; she just drank her diet cola. After my third trip to one table I overheard one creep say "If she's gonna keep asking, I'll keep answering." He seemed to think that when I say, "Do you need anything else right now?" that it was his duty to answer positively. My next trip I closed with "Ya'll enjoy it." Another server was delivering food. The woman at the table declines one dish forcefully saying, "I had the beef fries!" "Beef fries" are nowhere on the menu. What the menu says is "steak fries," which are like big french fries with a little skin on them. After hearing of that incident, one server started casually mentioning to customers that there is in fact no steak in the steak fries. I was waiting on a party of five. One man had ordered soup to go before his dinner. I forgot the soup. I was delivering their bread for them to enjoy before their dinner and the man said, "Where's my soup?" He could have politely said, "I'm ready for my soup now" or something to that effect. As I was walking away I thought I heard one of the other large men there say "We're starving to death out here." I *know* that he didn't go there.  One female customer asked her server if we had cheesecake. The server said no and I believe she was about to suggest something else and the customer put her hand in the server's face and said, "Then, poof! Be gone." One charmer (first name - Nota!) was ordering a meatloaf dinner and the vegetables to go with it. He added, "And bring me some pintos." We have three sizes of pintos, and I said, "Did you want a bowl or a side dish?" He said, "I don't care; just bring me some beans. And some cornbread, and not just two little pieces either." Yes sir, your majesty. I heard a radio DJ complain: "When I tell the waitress that I want 'just a little' more coffee, is there some sort of law that says she must fill it to the top?" Apparently this guy is the world's foremost authority on coffee refills; perhaps he'd be so kind to enlighten the rest of us with the official definition of "just a little." Is it half a cup? Two ounces? An inch more than the present coffee level? If you want half a cup, say "just half a cup, please." This reminds me of how I would often carry the coffeepot around the Cracker Barrel's dining room and pour refills. Sometimes snooty customers would look condescendingly at me and respond, "I would like some more, but I'll need a fresh cup. This is cold." Their tone said, "Infidel! How dare you bring me this cold coffee!" It is hot when served, but it isn't radioactive. As she sat there talking nonstop, it cooled a bit. I would have been happy to bring her more, but must she sound so belligerent? I was waiting on a grandmother, her daughter, and the daughter's toddler son. They ordered macaroni and cheese for the son; I told them that we only had mac and cheese on Wednesday. Upon hearing that, both the mother and grandmother put their elbows on the table and put their forehead on their hand. (Talk about drama queens!) You would've thought I'd just told them some terribly devastating news. They got the menu and very solemnly asked the little boy what he wanted. It was probably a good life lesson for that child: sometimes you have to pick another vegetable. *Alternate title: "Are their parents to blame?"
Menu Lost in the Translation? ~ Was it something I said? |