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Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned from MacGyver

1) There's nothing you can't do if you have a Swiss Army Knife, a roll of duct tape, and your wits.
2) You can do more with a gun than just fire it.
3) Beware of beautiful women who take a sudden interest in you.
4) When you hear the words, "Mac, this is a sure thing. We'll be rich!" You better run!
5) Watch out for one-name people who are masters of disguise.
6) When your boss hints that he'd like you to take on one more assignment before your vacation, just say "NO" and keep saying it as you head for your Jeep. Then, as you take on the assignment, tell yourself it won't take that long.
7) Watch where you walk. You may find yourself out cold and in another time. The same goes for what you watch on your TV, as you sack out after your latest assignment.
8) Be careful where you take your vacations. A relative's cabin isn't safe if your nemesis is a ruthless dictator with a small army.
9) Always dress both stylishly and comfortably. Be aware of the kind of shirt you have on. A '70s shirt on a late '80s kind of guy always gets comments, usually negative ones.
10) Keep a spare Swiss Army Knife (SAK) on hand, to "give" to nimble-fingered child thieves. You may otherwise find yourself negotiating with said thief for the return of said SAK.
11) Remember that a short trip to pick up an old friend can often take some strange turns, such as a detour to a Caribbean island in a stolen helicopter to kidnap some crackpot dictator you've never heard of.
12) Beware of uninvited dinner guests who booby-trap your home. The same goes for vengeful female assasins and jailed psychos.
13) Don't be surprised if some young man comes up to you one day and tells you you're his long-lost father. He may not be joking.
14) Nice guys don't always finish last.
15) Any problem can be solved with a little ingenuity.
16) One person can make a difference.
17) Never underestimate the power of chocolate.
18) The most important tool for survival isn't duct tape or a Swiss Army Knife, it's your wits. Always keep them about you.
19) Hockey is a lot like life. It's a team sport, you have to work together, and no matter how hard you try to play by the rules, not everyone will play fair.
20) If at first you don't succeed, try freshman physics or chemistry.
21) When people are shooting at you, duck!
22) It's okay to say "ow" when you get hurt.
23) Friends are the adventures of life.
24) We're all going to die; the trick is not to rush it.
25) Desperation tends to make one sort of flexible.
26) You can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it.
27) Sleep in your shoes.
28) If you got something to say, you should say it or it's just gonna tear you up inside.
29) It never hurts to get a little culture in your life.
30) If you let yourself be afraid of dying, you're just going to end up being afraid of living.
31) Being (or pretending to be) six feet under might just be taking "lying low" a little too far.
32) Thirty-two seconds is a lot to lose out of any day.
33) Love can sure affect productivity.
34) How you look at the world depends on where you are.
35) Sometimes the best way to distract a guy is to make him see the light.
36) Sugar cubes are a great source of energy.
37) Mountains are kind of two-faced.
38) Good traps have good bait.
39) Alfalfa sprouts are good for two reasons, they have lots of minerals and they don't stain your clothes.
40) Dreams are important, otherwise sleep is just eight hours of nothing.
41) How can you owe a friend?
42) How can one not help a maniac who insults policemen in the name of justice?
43) The one useful thing about PCP is that it explodes.
44) Some men aren't designed to be caged.
45) A guy just can't be rude.
46) There is a universal truth, he who has the gun asks the questions.
47) Surprise kills.
48) Stay low, stay careful, and make a moving target.
49) Sometimes the only way you can solve a problem is by being in two places at once.
50) An oil-soaked rag makes a perfect fuse.
51) First impressions are very important.
52) There's a time to be Daniel Boone, and a time to be a plumber.
53) Math and science do prove useful.
54) A parent can take only so much responsibility.
55) Friends stand by each other through everything.
56) There's no place like home.
57) Great thing about a map, it can get you in and out of places a lot of different ways.
58) Sometimes when you're in trouble you just have to tap Mother Nature for a little help.
59) A legend has to start someplace.
60) Missiles come in all sizes and shapes.
61) The less you know sometimes, the better.
62) We all get our priorities mixed up once in a while.
63) Finders, keepers.
64) Friendship works two ways.
65) The important thing is how you feel inside.
66) When in doubt, simplify it!
67) No machine is invincible.
68) You gotta stop and smell the roses once in a while.
69) Don't look down.
70) Concealed weapon? That's a Swiss Army Knife.
71) Some things in life just aren't fair.
72) Dudes are dudes all over the world.
73) There should always be a little margin for error.
74) Myths and dreams come from the same place.
75) Evil never plays fair.
76) Sometimes things are hidden under the surface.
77) This Christmas stuff gets a little sappy after a while.
78) We all lose people we love.
79) Everybody gets nervous.
80) Ten-and-a-half days at sea is enough water for anybody.
81) Hypnotism's been known to work.
82) A little misdirection never hurt.
83) How can you feel confined when you're in touch with the universe?
84) Go ahead, live a little.
85) If you don't have the right equipment for the job, you just have to make it yourself.
86) Friendship is a wonderful thing.
87) Duct tape is real handy stuff.
88) Be positive.
89) Age is only in the mind.
90) Being scared's a lot worse when you're all alone.
91) The interesting thing about explosives is that they decay and get touchy, unless you become real lucky.
92) There's got to be a gigantic secret factory somewhere putting out nothing but junk mail.
93) Secrets have a funny way of getting out.
94) If it comes to you against the situation, don't let the situation win.
95) Even drug-dealing desperados draw the line on what they'll fly.
96) Trouble just never lets up, does it?
97) There are some things in the world that can't be fixed.
98) There is a purely logical explanation for everything.
99) Any man can reinvent himself.
100) Sometimes a desperate man does dumb things.
101) Never laugh at what you don't know.
102) With a little bit of imagination, anything is possible.
103) Thank goodnes we all make mistakes.
104) Another day, a whole 'nother set of possibilities.
105) Show a little class for a change.
106) You've gotta be careful what you wish for; it might come true.
107) Water's funny stuff.
108) People don't think straight when you touch their children.
109) You've gotta learn to be more optimistic.
110) Eating right never hurt anybody.
111) Never say die.
112) Intelligence agents are a very cautious bunch.
113) Some people are scared of anybody who runs free.
114) Girls just wanna have fun.
115) Don't make the same mistakes others do because if you quit, you'll always wonder.
116) When something's broken, the easiest thing is to throw it away, forget about it. But if you just step back and take a look at what you've got, you find a totally different way for it to work.
117) There always seems to be a way to fix things.
118) A fuse is an easy thing to duplicate.
119) A paper clip can be a wondrous thing.
120) A good relationship is a lot like a car, it'll work if you put some effort into it.
121) As long as you're alive, there's still a chance.
122) Discipline's only a crime when it's enforced by someone with the sensitivity of a rock.
123) You don't go to people with your problems, you come to your friends.
124) A little dirt never hurt anybody.
125) Friendship is something you shouldn't take lightly.
126) It's not so bad being special.
127) Everybody makes mistakes once in a while.
128) Sometimes you just have to have a little faith.
129) Life has a way of making its point.
130) Always carry around a knapsack to pick up things you find along the way.
131) Leather jackets are always in style.
132) Always carry more than one Swiss Army Knife, just in case you happen to lose one along the way.
133) Ugly dogs can be pretty useful.
134) What's a few cold germs among friends?
135) You can always depend on your friends and they should always be able to depend on you, too.
136) A little research beforehand can go a long way.
137) Whipped bean curd tastes pretty good cold, even if you're supposed to heat it up first.
138) Sometimes your life may resemble an Indiana Jones or a James Bond movie.
139) You can run away from your problems for only so long before they start catching up with you.
140) Don't trust fishermen who say they tie their own lures, but have artificial, store-bought ones on their hats.
141) You never know where someone might've hidden listening devices in your home.
142) When making bayou-blackened redfish, don't have the flame on too high, or you might wind up having hamburgers or pizza instead.
143) Watch your step when walking on snow.
144) Nice guys finish last, not only that, they finish last in a cast.
145) There are times when you can't bring yourself to eat several hundred beans that have been battered beyond recognition.
146) Soy sauce can be used for more than just flavoring Chinese food.
147) Your most vulnerable spots are you heart and your memories.
148) Swamp mud really stinks.
149) The perfect dish to serve at your next dinner party: roast lizard a la MacGyver.
150) Stay away from small, obscure but always dangerous Central American countries.
151) The best partners are the ones you always seem to fight with.
152) A shrunken head doesn't exactly make a good conversation piece.
153) Plan your sting operations carefully, but also be open to new developments.
154) Computer nerds can be quite attractive underneath their glasses.
155) Murphy's Law happens.
156) Russian psychics may know more about you than you do.
157) Buy furniture that's easy to move from place to place later on.
158) Be sure to buy a couch that's comfortable to sleep on.
159) Sometime we make enemies just by being ourselves.
160) Sometimes you just can't help but get involved.
161) If you want to be a troubleshooter, make sure the organization you work for has a good health insurance policy.
162) You should let your friends get away with only so much.
163) Truth hurts, especially when you're not used to it.
164) Taking the law into your own hands is never a good idea. You'll wind up doing more harm than good, and the only one who really gets hurt is yourself.
165) Imagination is the most important thing the human mind has.
166) Most everything can be explained logically, but there are some things outside of everyday experience that cannot be explained away so easily.
167) Guilt trips are the longest and worst ones a person can ever take; you can get on it very easily, but you may never get off.
168) Using violence isn't the only way to solve a problem.
169) Artificial-intelligence programs always have a few bugs in them.
170) Even scatterbrained friends are good ones.
171) It's easy to get too caught up in your own dreams.
172) Friends are important, but so is being alone by yourself sometimes.
173) Your own kitchen makes a great laboratory.
174) Being a pack rat can be a good thing.
175) You may really hate heights, but sometimes you still have to climb that mountain.
176) Even your worst enemy might need your help sometimes.
177) When you go flying with a friend, make sure two parachutes are packed and that you're fluent enough to read equipment instructions in another language.
178) All men look good in a tux.
179) When buying clothes, check to make sure you can get blood and dirt out of them easily.
180) A smile always brightens up the world around you.
181) Myths and legends usually are based somehow in reality.
182) When in doubt, improvise.
183) Be proud of your first name, but it's understandable if you prefer to go by your last one instead.
184) Taking a risk is always worth it.


I found these lessons - as well as the idea for this feature - at Katsku's page, the link to which can be found on our links page.


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