Chez Comedy
Points To Ponder
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
A fanatic is one who cannot change his mind and will not change the subject.
Integrity is like oxygen - the higher you climb, the less there is of it.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap!
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Of two evils, I pick the one I haven't tried before.
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck.
It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
Comedy, like medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.
The major cause of vehicle accidents is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Pride is what we have, vanity is what others have.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
To ask is a moment's shame. Not to ask and remain ignorant is a lifelong shame.
Free speech carries with it freedom to listen.
The fundamental problem with representative government is that the people who would be best for the job least want it, and vice versa.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is, the less noise it makes.
Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?
If we were meant to travel economy class, we would have been made narrower.
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Good Advice?
I was faced with a difficult decision recently and asked my friends what I should do. This is what I got...
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts.
Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost.
Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword.
Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover.
It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. The nail that sticks out gets hammered.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry.
Now what do I do???
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