Chez Comedy

Chez Comedy

The New English


With the successful adoption of the Euro as a monetary standard, the European community is preparing to adopt a united language.

The European Union Commissioners announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European Communications, rather than German, which was the other alternative.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short).

In the first year "S" will be used instead of the soft "C". Sertainly sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also the hard "C" will be dropped in favour of the letter "K". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replased by "F". This will make words like "Fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

Also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "E"s in the language is disgrasful, and should be don away with.

By the fourth year. People wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH" by "Z" and "W" by "V".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaning "OU", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinashuns of leters.

After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivon vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem ov yunivursl komunikashun vil finali kum tru.


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