Sign in a Laundromat
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a house's fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a propane filling station:
"Tank heaven for little grills."
On a plumbing company's van:
"A flush beats a full house!"
A sign at a little restaurant:
"Eat here or we'll both starve"
In a hospital car park in Kitakyushu, Japan:
"Anyone found parking without a permit will be given an injection."
Ohio road sign:
Prosperity 30 mi ->
< - Clinton 70 mi
In the bathroom of a mom and pop store:
"We aim to please, so, please, you aim too."
Sign on a retail store door:
PUSH, if it doesn't open,
PULL, if it still doesn't open,
WE ARE CLOSED.
On a plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
Another pizza shop slogan:
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a drycleaners:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would THAT be satisfactory?"