Chez Comedy

Chez Comedy

Something to Make You Feel Mature

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.

Each year the staff at Beloit College, in Wisconsin, puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that years incoming freshmen. Here is this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1982.* They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

There has been only one Pope, and they never knew he was shot either.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.

They have never feared a nuclear war.

They do not remember the Challenger explosion, and the name Christa McAuliffe means nothing to them.

The phrase "Tianamen Square" has no meaning.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Abortion has always been legal.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.

The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.

They have never owned a record player.

They have likely never played Pac Man.

They may have never heard of an 8-track. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents.

They have always had an answering machine and a microwave.

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV.

They have always had cable.

There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave; they've never heard of or watched Jiffy Pop.

They never used paste in school, only glue sticks.

They have never seen Larry Bird play.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII and the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran and have never heard of the Ayatolla Khomeni.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from.

They don't remember ever seeing a Bob Hope Christmas special.

They never heard: "Where's the beef?," "I'd walked a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"

They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.

The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was.

They've never heard of Patty Hearst.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.

McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.

There has always been MTV.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Will Smith and Kevin Kline are the only Jim West and Artemis Gordon ever seen in "The Wild, Wild West."

Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz are the only Angels Charlie's ever had.

(* Yes, this is an old list. Most of today's college freshmen were born after 1982. So, does that make you feel any less "mature"?)

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