August 2 - September 27, 2004

These entries are from multiple sources. See the footnotes for details.

August 2, 2004
» Board now?


No, I didn't misspell "board" - I started a new message board for my sites. I noticed a few weeks ago that the Control Panel at one of my domains included an add-a-board feature. I toyed with the idea of adding one, but kept putting it off, thinking that it would eat up my space and bandwidth. However, this weekend I decided to give it a try after a pop-up ad at one of my old boards tried to shanghai my computer and force me to click the buttons they provided. (I forced that offending window to close using good old Control-Alt-Delete.) Now the new board is up and running; this evening I plan to start adding its link to my sites. I'm glad that on most of the sites, I put the link to the forum on a separate page, rather than having the site menu on every page link directly to the forum. It makes changing that link a breeze, plus I can post rules or other options or whatever, and people who enter the board are less likely to miss them.

In other website news, last Friday I completed my 26 Things collection. For the last two photo scavenger hunts, I've been one of the first few to post my link, because I realized that Tracey is in Australia, and their time is about 15 hours ahead of ours. But this time, Saturday afternoon, when it was already morning on August 1st in Australia, the main 26 Things site was still not letting people post links.

I had to get up early on Sunday morning to go to a gig, and I turned on the computer at four AM(!) planning to post my link. I figured that I wouldn't be one of the first, but at least people could at last see the results of my labors. But that wasn't the case, because the site still wasn't accepting links. I started to worry that something had happened to Tracey, because this wasn't like her. I went on to work. I got home fifteen hours later - yes, having been at work all of that time - and got on the computer at nine PM, and darn it all if the site STILL wasn't accepting submissions.

So this morning I arrived at work early and checked the main 26 Things site and finally find a form to add the link. I added my link and to my great surprise, I was the first one to post! :gasps: I couldn't believe it! The date on the post said February 2, but what the heck. I bookmarked the link to that site so I could come back and check out other people's entries. But when I visited again, I see that there are eleven new entries - but mine is no longer there. Un. Be. Lievable! I added it again, this time at number 12, but in my peevish haste I entered the wrong URL, so I entered it again correctly in number 13. The last time I checked, both were still there. :sigh of relief: That seems like a lot of trouble for what is supposed to be a fun project; it *was* fun but this posting business may have me thinking twice before I participate in the next project . . .

August 3, 2004 @ 01:54 PM
» none of the above


The adventure continues with writing to the guys I'm meeting on that singles site. Sigh. I think I'm currently writing to three of them. The one in PA wrote a letter full of info about himself, including the fact that he has a 10 year old daughter. ACK!! Kids! RUN AWAY!! I've put off writing back to him because I just don't think I'm interested in continuing our conversation, as he phrased it. I've been trying to write back all day, but I just don't know what to say. Would it be completely rude to just put, "Not interested"? Probably. I'll send what I've written, but I'm about to curtly wrap it up on the note of "I don't think so . . ."

The guy that actually lives in my city sent me a letter asking for a definite time to chat or talk on the phone. Okay I *just* told him that I prefer not to talk on the phone yet. He said again, "I'm not a perv." Oh, well thanks so much for that info. I feel SO much better now. :exaggerated sigh of relief: He reminds me so much of the pushy, clingy guy I went out with a couple of times, and again, he's thisclose to getting a brief No Thanks email. I'll probably copy and paste most of what I write to the first guy.

The third guy writes incredibly short emails where he keeps saying that he's going to tell me more about himself - in the next letter. Plus, he uses punctuation very sparingly, and that really bugs me. Typically in the case of short emails, I write equally short responses and the other person usually loses interest pretty fast.

With all of these guys, I get the impression that they didn't read my profile too closely. It clearly says that I prefer a reasonably intelligent guy. No, it doesn't say that he must use punctuation; I thought it went without saying, but I was clearly mistaken. My profile also says that I would want to write to get to know a guy and see if we "clicked" before I'd meet him. (Okay, it doesn't currently say the part about "clicking" but I'm definitely adding that in there.)

Happily, my free trial ends today. I changed my profile to say that I'd be away from that site for a while. I should probably remove my profile completely, because it says that you can still receive email even after your trial period ends. I'd hate for people to write and think I wasn't writing back. Well, this way they can't say that I didn't warn them.

There was one guy that I wrote to that I'd really like to hear back from. He wrote to me first saying that my profile caught his eye. At first I was flattered, then I realized that was probably the brief intro email he worked up to send to anyone who "caught his eye." Whatever. I almost wrote to him this morning to give him my regular email account, JUST in case he would like to write back. He was really cute, but he read my response on Friday, so I'm guessing he's not interested. :shrugs: I guess he wasn't the one for me either.

Sitting here writing this, I've about decided to write to him and try to send my website address in disguised form. I mean, heck - why not? As I said, I'm casual (bordering on numb) about the whole experience. If he doesn't write back, his name will be just one more on a growing list of guys who did the same.

. . . Edited to add . . .

I did it. I logged on and wrote to the cute guy. Hopefully the tone is very casual. Since I was sharing my website address - and I do love for people to visit it - I wrote to a few others with the same message, that I was "just leaving them a way to find me." After the third sent message, an Alert popped up that I was trying to send contact info and that is prohibited for free members. Yeah, I know that they filter out contact info . . . so I wrote the URL in regular AND in disguised form. Heh heh. That'll also serve as a nice test; if the guy can't figure out how to interpret it, I don't want him anyway. lol.

I also wrote to the first two guys, as planned. I appreciate their honesty, and I hope they appreciate my equally honest reply. I hope I didn't hurt their feelings, but at the same time, what am I supposed to do? Marry them, so they don't feel bad? I think not.

August 11, 2004
» ten Mr. Wrongs don't make a Right


I changed my mind. I said that I wasn't going to talk about those singles websites, but I think I will. My concern before was that I'd say something negative about the people who were writing to me, and then one would visit and his feelings might be hurt. But I've decided that the chances of that being the case are very slim, because I really don't think I'll be giving anyone the address to this site. I mean, suppose I really liked someone, and then he read some of the past entries and made wrong assumptions about me, which caused him to run away? Or suppose, as is the more likely case, he turned out to not be the one for me, but he couldn't take a hint, and started to make a pest of himself? :shudders:

One of the guys that lives in my city asked me early on about chatting, or maybe even talking on the phone. I said that I'm kind of a busy/cautious person so I don't have much time for chatting, and I'm not quite ready to divulge my phone number. The guy said that he understood, but added that he could provide references to prove he isn't a pervert. Really? Well, that IS a relief. [/sarcasm] It seemed like the next instant, he was asking again about chatting. I responded by repeating how I'm pretty casual about meeting people on-line, and if he's looking for something soon, then I might not be the one for him. I was trying to be honest yet nice, but he wrote back that he was sorry if he got under my skin. He said if I wanted to keep writing, fine, but if not, "It was real." Then he closed by saying again that he hoped I wanted to keep writing.

I've started to write back to him several times, but stopped because I don't know what to say. That "it was real" seems a bit bratty to me. I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't write back, because it's pretty clear from our discussion so far that we're not really "meshing."

As I write this there are seven or so messages at that site for me, waiting for a response. You might think that was flattering - but you'd be wrong. It's disheartening, and puzzling at the same time as I try to fathom whatever inspires some of these people to write. Do they even read my profile? I write that I like a reasonably intelligent guy, and they misspell five words in a two-sentence email. I write that I don't want kids, and men with children write to me. I specify an ideal age range for my guy, and 60-year-olds send me greetings.

On the bright side, I've almost got my brief response email down to a fine art form. I thank them for writing and say something like, "It's nice to 'meet' you. That's why I joined this site; if I make a few new friends, I'll feel that it hasn't been a waste of time." Maybe it's a bit harsh to hit 'em with the let's-be-friends thing right away, but, well, I don't want them to misconstrue my polite little response as meaning that I'm in love, or something.

On the off chance that someone interesting actually writes to me, I decided that I should have some more recent pictures of myself. So this weekend, I played model. (At this, I pause to laugh hysterically at the mere idea.) To my surprise, over half of the fifty or so pictures I took . . . were okay. I posted ten of them: view them - if you dare. ;)

August 10, 2004 @ 04:06 PM
» someone's got his grump on


Today that someone would be my boss. I'm supposed to be working on the payroll, but the other admin person keeps sending me the timesheets in a PDF file, and I cannot open it. The first time I replied to her and copied the boss, so he would know what was going on. Not much later he called to ask about it. I said that I couldn't open the file, and said in his annoying, I-don't-really-believe-you way, "Oh, really." Yes, REALLY. What, you think I'm just trying to be difficult, or something? Sometimes, stuff REALLY does happen. Gah!

Last night, at my part-time job, at first I was thrilled to see that one of the guys I have a wee-small attraction to was there; the thrill faded when it became apparent that he was in a terribly grumpy mood. We all were signing in, and he snarkily replied to another employee's simple question. This after he snarkily scolded me for failing to bring in some equipment that, it turns out, I did not fail to bring in.

I wound up working near him at one point, and I asked if he was having a bad day. "No." A bad night? "No." I think he asked what my point was, or something, because I pointed out, "You just seem a little ... grumpy." He replied that he had to get up early for work the next day. I opted not to mention that a) I have to get up early for work as well, and b) did he not just that night volunteer to go to that early gig?

Earlier that evening, a fellow employee, David, asked why Chris was so mean. Chris said that it was spending time around David that did it. Huh? They're not even close! Yeah, Chris was just trying to insult people. David ventured to say, "She likes me..." Talking about me. I lightly agreed that I do. Chris said, "I had no idea you felt that way about him," implying that I'm deeply in love with David or something. Was Chris hoping I'd suddenly go, "Ew! No way!!" Grow up, Chris. I casually said, "Oh, not like *that*..." I wanted to point out that I like him too: I dislike very few of the people that I know. (Sure they bug me sometime, but as for really not liking them? Nah.)

Later, I mentioned that I'm honest, and Chris scoffed his disagreement. I asked why he thinks I'm not, and he said, "You said that David was okay, and you *know* that's a straight-up lie." You know, Chris is sure cute, when he's jealous. *big grin, then LOL*

As I said, I find him very attractive, but his attitude . . . makes it hard sometimes. Sigh.

August 12, 2004 @ 09:27 AM
» true confessions


I was just thinking about what a truly horrible person I can be. Let's review the facts:

* At work, I am SO lazy. I don't have that much work to do, and I get accustomed to just surfing the Net (or writing in my online journal) or something. Then when I actually have something to do, I barely do it . . . well, that's not completely true. Once I get my lazy butt up and start a project, I usually carry on - but getting started is the hard part.

In my defense: I tried to resign, telling the boss that I'd focus my efforts on finding a job in my field. It would be for the best if I left, since he's always talking about how tight the company's budget is. So I offer to leave, and he asks me to stay another month. Gah!

* I think I partly joined those "singles" websites just to get people to visit my "secret" website. No, not this one, there's another . . . yeah, I'm kinda ... funny like that.

* That's another thing: it is HARD to get to know me. Somewhere along the line, I became a real loner. I'm selfish, and I like to do things on my own schedule. I think I've mentioned this before. Could this be why my closest "friend" is one I write to on-line?

* Back to the singles site thing, I hate to judge because I *know* I'm not the best catch in the world but ... GAH! I guess those guys are just trying, but for some of them, I have to wonder what on earth makes them think I'm the one for them. I've started to send a brief nice-to-meet-you response, and include my website address (d'oh!) with a little line in there about being friends. But even that makes me feel like I'm leading them on somehow. I don't know what else to write! I feel like I should respond, but I guess, as in life, I don't want to just tell them, "I'm not interested." I keep thinking that I should just delete my profile from those sites and not look back.

* At the same time, there is one guy that I've sent a few emails to, that has potential. He has a website too! And from his pictures, he's quite handsome - and he says that I'm "quite a looker." :blush: (Another confession: I only post pictures where I think I look okay: that is, not like I do in real-life.) I'm enjoying writing to him, but again, deep down I sometimes wonder why I should bother? I'm so suspicious - I don't know if I could ever meet anyone from the 'Net face-to-face.

I guess I should calm down about that; as with most things in life, I don't have to figure it all out in one day.

* At my other site, I write for an audience, not myself. I almost posted a poll - a *poll*! - to ask what people wanted to hear more about. The next minute, I boggled over how preposterous that was. A POLL! To ask what people want me to say in my so-called on-line journal. :shakes head in pity: And you know, the truth is, I'd probably get more response if I wrote there, like I do here, and just spoke more from the heart. Maybe people could relate more, and they'd feel like they're getting to know me. But again, there are many me's, and for some reason, I don't often let any one audience see them all.

August 13, 2004 11:15 AM


I thought of a musing to share:

Bad, Bad Girl

Nobody get excited - I mean bad, as in bad, not good.

This is about a guy that I went out with years ago. Many years ago. So many years ago, that if you ask, I'll just lie about it, so let's move on, m'kay?

Anyway. I drive past his house every day on my way to and from work, and a time or two I've seen him outside, washing his car or whatever. Off and on for the past few weeks, I've been thinking about him. How he was a nice guy, who liked me, and I treated him like garbage. (He's not the only one, but I'll save those for another time.)

We knew each other casually, you could say, and we hung out with the same people. Then, one day out of the blue, he asked me out. Well, I was smitten with another guy in the group, so I really didn't want to go. But, caught by surprise, and being ever the wimp, I said okay.

So the day of the date arrives, and what do I do? I decide that I'm going to dress frumpily. I put on my least flattering jeans, and a gray sweater that used to belong to my grandfather. I pull my hair back into a simple, yet lop-sided braid -because I'm lousy at braiding. The worst part of all: I wore no makeup.

I don't remember most of the details of that evening. I seem to recall that we ate at Hardee's, and I was slightly embarrassed to see a girl that I knew there. We (the guy and I) went to see a movie, but I have no idea which one. I also can't remember what happened between us right after that. (This is turning into a really lame story...) Maybe he asked me out again and I turned him down in some goofy, awkward way...

I seem to recall him later casting some hostile vibes my way. No, I can't say that I'd blame him. I mean, he's asking to spend time with me, and I switch to full-on **** mode and try to scare him away, instead of just saying that I don't feel the same.

But, as they say, turnabout is fair play, and now I often glance over at his house as I past. I'm not saying I'm in love with him or anything, but I'm thinking back to a guy with so much potential that I just threw away.

August 18, 2004 @ 12:10 PM
» burned by Angelfire


I'm fed up with Angelfire.

Yes, I know that their website hosting is free. AND I know that old saying about you get what you pay for. AND I respect that they must support their "free" services through ads. I don't have a problem with that.

But in case you haven't been to any site hosted there lately - and I pray that you haven't - no less than three ads pop up with every page. AND ... this is the really unforgivable part, IMHO ... they've taken to opening up a search frame in the window with the site! Even if it wasn't my site (or sites, heh heh) they were doing this to, if I was just surfing the web that forced search thing would bug the living stuffing out of me.

So I am on a quest to remove ALL of my sites from that so-called host, and I use the term VERY loosely. From thenceforth, I will also diligently avoid any Angelfire (or Tripod) pages that pop up in my search results.

Anyway. You may have noticed that my "more" link was formerly to a AngelPoop site, but no more. I started another blog to hold my other ramblings. (Why? Ummmm ... not sure....) And I moved that old "more" page to Geocities. Granted, Geocities gripes me too, but in different and less severe ways that AngelCarp.

And that, my friends, is my pointless ramble for the day.

August 18, 2004
» new blog


Well, as if I needed any more websites, I've started this new blog.

Is there some sort of support group I can join?

Anyway, welcome!

I call the site "more to me" because, as is true of these personal sites/weblogs, there is always more to the writer than we can read. We can study everything they write and still not know them.

The blog name - Anna Begins - comes from my favorite Counting Crows song: Anna Begins.

That's all for now. If you want to check out my past writing and ramblings, visit the "External Links" at the right.

August 20, 2004
» burned by Angelfire


When exactly did Angelfire website hosting get to be so bad? Yes, I know that they need ads to support their so-called free services, and I understand that. But is it *really* necessary for three or more ads to interrupt one's surfing? (It's as if they've been taking lessons on annoyance from!) The thing that really burns me up about Angelfire though, is the way they've started opening a search frame in the main viewing window. Um, do they not know that if I wanted to search, I would do so? Apparently not. And what search results do they list? More of their own worthless sites! *boggles* Not only did I become determined to terminate my services with them, I do not even visit sites hosted by them when they appear in my own search results.

I previously had the galleries at Angel's Secrets hosted there, but I am in the process of moving them. Why did I have them there in the first place? Well, AF used to not be so bad: I blame Lycos for their downfall. I stored the galleries off-site to prevent people from hot-linking to the pictures and stealing my bandwidth. (Because you know that unscrupulous 'tards will hotlink unless you make it so they can't.) At first, I looked for another free webhost for the galleries, but I needed one that had FTP, since there was no way I was uploading those huge files through some slow browser interface. I found several sites that rate companies with free webhosts and I started to sign up with one, but I worried that it would go the way of AF and deteriorate in the quality of their service, or maybe even disappear from the Web altogether.

Finally I realized that my nelooDOTcom domain has plenty of space and bandwidth, and since I have an awesome host, the images are hotlink protected as well. I plan to move one gallery there first, to see how it affects my bandwidth, and I'll put the other one at the SOA domain. Last night, I started organizing the files, getting them ready for the move; to my delight, after slightly resizing the larger pictures, I reduced the size of the whole gallery by about 4 MB.

Unless the rain tonight turns into a really bad electrical storm, I plan to continue work on this. It's no exaggeration to say that I am desperate to complete this move. I am literally ashamed at leaving my galleries there for so long because it didn't occur to me before that I could support them on my own domains. Hopefully, my site's visitors can forgive me. ;-)

August 23, 2004
» really? you mean it?!


I was almost dreading work today because the boss would be in town; I may have mentioned before that we downsized to two small offices, and one of those belongs to the business manager. Thankfully, the boss is out of town a lot, but when he's here, we share an office, and I feel as if I just can't stay busy enough. However, soon after I arrived, he said that he was about to leave to catch a flight back to DC. Well, that IS a pleasant surprise! Apparently, he and his wife were mostly in town this weekend to attend a wedding.

At one point though, he asked to talk to me. I kept telling my family that maybe I was just being suspicious, but I had the feeling that while he was here, he'd bring up the subject of my employment. He asked again how my job hunt is going and I said basically that I'm still looking but hopeful. Then he said that he's trying to figure out what to do, since there's really not that much work for me to do. He's right: there's not. He suggested cutting back to 20 hours a week, maybe four hours a day? I said that I'd rather work fewer days so that I wouldn't have to drive so far every day just for a few hours. I tried to assure him also that I wouldn't mind leaving completely, since I do have my part-time job to get me by until I find something new. He said that he'd think about it and let me know.

Of course, either way I lose the insurance benefits, but that's okay. (I guess it'll have to be, yes?) I was just sick a few months ago, so hopefully I'll be well for a good long while. Hopefully also it won't take me that long to find a new job. At the same time, as I've repeatedly said, I really would like a little time off. I feel like I haven't really had a vacation in a long, long time. After going to school while I was working, even when I had time off from work I'd still be very busy with schoolwork. Since I graduated back in May, I've been at work just about every day, except for the few holidays that we've had. I have about 40 hours of vacation time built up but I figured that I'd be leaving soon enough, so they could just pay me for that after I leave. Plus, the business manager keeps having to travel, so the boss wants me to be at the office, because someone has to be available for the important phone call that we may, perhaps, eventually, one day receive. In the mean time, I get to talk to the telemarketers. :rollseyes:

August 26, 2004
» just two


That's all. Just two. Two of what, you may ask? (Or you may not, in which case I'm pretty much talking to myself .... but anyway.) Two resumes. I graduated from college in May, and I keep telling people that I'm looking for a job, but in all of that time, I've only sent out two resumes.

For some misguided reason, I had a good feeling about the first one. It was with a company that I'm very eager to work for. I've worked for them before as a "cooperative education" student, and they have great pay and benefits. However, my degree is in engineering, and this opening was for something called "Project Management." I applied anyway, reasoning that a) perhaps Project Management would involve some type of engineering, and b) if I could just get my proverbial foot in the proverbial door with them, maybe I could soon move into another more engineering related capacity.

As I said, I was obviously misguided. They actually called me in for an interview, but the polite little man expressed right away that he was concerned that since I come from an engineering background I wouldn't like Project Management. It's a valid concern, because if I left they'd be stuck with repeating the process of filling the position. After that start, I could tell that my chances of getting the job were very slim. He went on to say that I was really overqualified for the job; I took that as a compliment, but at the same time it made me feel bad that I even applied for that job in the first place. In my defense, I told the man that I thought that PM work was administrative, and if so, it was the type of work I've been doing.

In that interview, I also slipped up, big time. He asked what my dream job would be. (Keep in mind that he had just minutes before told me that there were no wrong answers. FYI, don't you believe that "no wrong answers" business.) I said that my dream job would be in engineering/structural design. He replied in a polite yet oozing with sarcasm way, "Not in Project Management?" Okay, I had *just* told him that I wasn't even sure what PM entailed. Of COURSE that would not be my dream job!

Needless to say, I did not hear back from them, despite Polite Man's assurance that they'd let me know one way or the other.

I guess I've learned my lesson, because the next resume that I sent out was asking for engineers: it even said that they'll consider recent graduates. I keep wanting to say that I have a good feeling about it, but I'm not sure I have any feelings at all about it, actually. If they don't call, I guess I'll try another. If I keep trying, the chances are very good that I'll eventually find something. (It's a statistical probability: did I mention that I have a minor in Math?)

August 31, 2004
» in with the G crowd


Thanks to the wonderful Frances I now have my very own Gmail account! :dances: I left her a comment thanking her profusely, but I wanted to post and sing her praises here, too. Have I mentioned that she *rocks*? :)

I signed up yesterday, and would you believe that they already gave me invites? I plan to offer a couple of them to my on-line friends, but I'll still have a few left over, so I thought I'd try to give them away here.

So, here's the deal: the first three people to email me the correct answers to these questions will get the invites:

1. What is my birthdate (Month, Day, and Year)?

2. What is the name of the guy that I went to Chattanooga with?

The answers can be found in previous entries. Send your answers to me at saythewordsATgmailDOTcom - replace AT and DOT with the correct symbols and put "Gmail invite" in the subject line so I'll know that it isn't spam.

I'll post a comment when the invites are gone. Good luck!

August 31, 2004 @ 02:26 PM
» invitation to nothing


I'm feeling a bit rejected ... and one day I'm going to go through this journal and count the number of entries that start that way. lol.

It's not so bad. Thankfully, it often isn't.

On Sunday I worked at my second job and the guy that I like left with this other girl. Yeah, he's too young for me and we're completely incompatible, but ... darn it, I want him to like me. There, I've said it. Yes, I make no sense. And yes, I have no bananas.

*cracks self up*

Can you tell that I am industrial-strength bored? It's SO quiet at work. I'm the only one here for the umpteenth day in a row because the other guy keeps travelling. The phone only rings when it's a telemarketer; I tell them that they need to talk to Bob and I stifle a laugh because there's no one here by that name. I stifle a laugh again when they call back, ask for Bob, and say, "Oh, I was returning his call..." I guess they figure that if I can invent a person they can invent a phone conversation. :shrugs:

Back to the pity party...

I have some Gmail invites and I posted that people could answer questions (where the answers can be found on my site) and get the invites. So far, no one's written. :pouts: Okay, I only posted about four hours ago but STILL! I feel that no one's reading what I write and no one even cares.

I got the invites yesterday, and I'm not sure how long they last. So far, I haven't even been able to give one away. Trying to comfort myself, I'm imagining that anyone who reads my other site already has Gmail and is therefore not mailing me.

If anyone from this site is interested in a Gmail invite, you can find my *gmail* address. (It may take a bit of looking...) You don't have to answer any questions, just put "aliasnews Gmail Invite" in the subject line and it's yours.

September 7, 2004
» one percent inspiration


Well, I WAS typing on a ramble about how I have so many thoughts rolling around my head for things to do that I simply don't know where to start. So there I was typing and IN THE MIDDLE OF MY TYPING, "blogeasy" kicks me over to a page. Wha...?! I was NOT inactive! I was ACTIVELY typing! Until their forced log-out when I lost everything. D'OH!!!!

In the future, I'll try to remember to compose my posts in Word and paste them OH-so-quickly into my "blogeasy" post.

For now, I'll just display my newest icon. I stol... umm, that is, *borrowed* it from another site ... I need to add a page of credit links, yes? I will ... someday when I'm not "inactive." :indignant sniff:

September 8, 2004
» he's created a monster


Since Monday was - technically - a holiday, the boss decided that this would be a good week for me to switch to working what I call Part Time, For Real. I'm working 24 hours a week, and as you might guess, that puts me nowhere near qualifying for benefits such as insurance and paid holidays. Whatever.

The boss repeatedly says, when we discuss what hours I should work, "Well, you don't have that much to do, do you?" I agree that I don't, but since he seems to focus on how little I do, it annoys me now that he'll still find petty projects for me. Did I talk to the repair guy about Tony's monitor? Did I complete the payroll? Have I talked to the phone company about the problem with billing? I feel like asking if he's talking to me because remember? I don't do anything. At the risk of being petty, I sincerely hope that after I'm gone, the others realize that I did in fact do plenty and they simply weren't aware of it.

It's gotten to the point where I truly resent even being at work. Aside from feeling unappreciated (in a BIG way) I can't get over what a waste of my time it is to sit there for six hours a day. I feel like I say this all the time, but I am so very seriously on my way out of there. I find myself planning to leave at the end of this month, whether or not I have another job.

Speaking of which, I got a letter from the last company I applied to. When I first saw it I thought that it was a rejection letter, which disappointed me a lot because the ad said that they would consider recent graduates - and they haven't even talked to me yet! Instead, the guy was saying that they were reviewing the resumes and they would be calling the candidates soon. The letter said that they were hoping to collect information first by phone and email before requiring a personal interview; I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

In preparation, I've been looking over my work history and scouring the 'Net for common interview questions, so that I can start thinking about what to say. Hopefully, since they want to do a phone interview, they wouldn't just call and say, "Do you have time now to talk?" Surely they would call and set up a time to talk more, unless they only had a few simple questions. In any event, perhaps irrationally, I kind of have a good feeling about this job. Or maybe I just want to get this one so I can leave my current one and not have to worry about looking any more . . .

September 13, 2004
» must post! quick, quick, quick!


Yeah, I'm still a bit miffed over that forced logout. :shakes fist: (See the previous entry if you've no idea what I'm talking about...)

The sole purpose of this post is to display my lovely new icon .... I'm still working on adding that page of credit links ... SOON! ish.



September 15, 2004 @ 04:13 PM
» who let the dork out?


I worked a lot this past weekend at my part-time job, and the overwhelming memory I have from that time is what a supreme dork I am. Seriously. I am fully aware that some (dull, repressed, ignorant) people label me as "goofy." :shrugs: To combat that, um, stereotypism, I've recently started to share my view on the matter: being goofy can make a person more interesting.

But this weekend I caught a glimpse of my reflection as I was talking to someone and GOOD GRIEF do I ever stop emoting?! It appears that I am physically incapable of speaking to someone without making some sort of facial gesture. A look of surprise, a roll of the eyes, my weird "I'm just kidding" grin . . . it just never stops!

Is it possible that being goofy is a *bad* thing?

I like being a friendly, somewhat animated person, but somewhere deep inside, I'd like to be cool and collected, just for a little while. Once again I decide that this is precisely the reason I prefer to write things down: I don't feel compelled to make goofy expressions while I'm typing.

At least, not so much...

September 15, 2004
» something for the pain


Yesterday, I spent most of the morning at the hospital: my mother had a hysterectomy. (And I'm sure she appreciates me posting that for everyone to see.) It went well, and they're letting her come home today, although two of my aunts insist she should stay longer. It does seem a little soon, but I really hope that the doctor wouldn't let her leave if there was any doubt in his mind that it was okay.

That was the first time I've waited at the hospital while someone's had surgery. My father had several rather serious operations; I'm sure people wondered what kind of thoughtless daughter I was to not be there, but my mother always downplayed the seriousness. She would insist that my sister and I go on to work.

To my surprise, my sister joined me in the waiting room about 11:00 - she admitted that she was freaking out about the surgery. It hadn't occurred to me to worry because as ever, Mom was either calm about the whole thing or hiding her fears very well.

However, when they finally told us they were bringing her out of surgery, she looked so . . . uncomfortable. I'm sure she was just groggy from the anesthesia, but she did not look well. One of the ladies that was waiting with us noticed it too because she said, "Well, bless her heart." We followed the nurse to Mom's room, and they told my sister and me to wait a few minutes while they got her settled in. Having seen that pained frown again on Mom's face as they wheeled her into the room, I almost started to cry. Thankfully, that feeling only lasted a moment.

The nurse that told us we could go in said that they'd just given her some powerful medicine and she'd probably be drowsy. She definitely was. Her head kept dipping - like it does when one is almost falling asleep - and she was slurring her words more than a little. We decided to let her sleep and come back later.

On the way back we stopped for some flowers and balloons. We half expected to find her still asleep, but she wasn't. She seemed more alert but still tired, so we didn't stay too long. We went back to the store to pick up some groceries that she might like.

Needless to say, she'll be off from work for at least six weeks, and I think she's seriously considering not going back at all. I don't blame her a bit. She's had some tough jobs in her life, and I would love to see her take it easy for a while. This year, she started to draw Social Security. The house we live in is paid for, so I'm sure she could live comfortably. If she needs some help, my sister and I can be there for her, because she deserves so much more than we could ever give back.

September 16, 2004
» are you sure it's not Monday?


Even though it's Thursday, I am having SUCH a Monday! It started out okay, with me actually getting ready on time. The drive to work was not terrible. Then, as I'm trying to get out of the car while simultaneously wrestling with the wind and my umbrella AND carrying my lunch and coffee, my coffee mug slipped away and spilled in the floorboard of my car. EXPLETIVE!!! This mug holds about one-third of my twelve cup coffee pot, so as you can imagine, after soaking the mat, some coffee collected in a pool at the lowest point. That just makes me sick, to have wasted it like that. GRRR!!! So then, as I'm trying to clean it up, the wind is blowing the raindrops in on me and in the car. Oh, and I bumped my head on the freakin' doorframe.

I went down the street to Hardee's for a cup of coffee and to try to calm down, because I was seriously thinking of just going back home. Believe me, to hear my boss talk, I am highly dispensable at the office anyway.

Case in point, back at the office I find an email from the boss. Earlier, I had been asked to order some business cards for some of our new employees, and I sent the boss an email asking for a cash advance to pay for them. (Because at $70 an order, I'll be darned if I'm going to buy them myself and try to be reimbursed.) However, the boss sent an email to the other guy at the office asking him to pay for the cards, and the boss would send HIM a check to cover those and the other office expenses. EXCUSE ME?! W'T'F?! Why all of a sudden is the boss pretending that I don't exist? I know that he wants me to be on the way out, but for Pete's sake, that is just beyond rude.

I truly hate coming to work now. I have for several weeks, since the boss started to repeatedly say how I don't have that much to do. He's been talking about how he needs to let me go, because they really can't afford me. (Yeah, like my piddly salary is breaking the bank: I make less than anyone here!) I've told him that it's NO PROBLEM. I WANT to go! But now I see that he's trying to make me quit, so that he won't have to pay unemployment. I told him before that I wouldn't apply for unemployment, because I have another part-time job that will tide me over until I find something else. Ever the suspicious j'erk, I'm sure he doesn't believe that.

I just sent him an email that per our discussion about me working only four days, I will not be in tomorrow. I'll use vacation for the time that I took off on Tuesday. I half expect him to write back some passive-aggressive letter saying that I no longer HAVE any vacation because that's just the kind of ar'se he is! :grumbles:

September 27, 2004
» one percent inspiration


This weekend, starting with my lovely day off on Friday, I accomplished much that I needed to do around the house. I did some *major* cleaning: laundry, floors, bathroom, the whole she-bang. I also did some yard work, mowing and raking those darn chestnuts away from the door of our storage building. (FYI, chestnuts grow inside a shell that is covered with sharp spindles, kind of like a porcupine. Not fun to step on - or to rake, for that matter.)

Yesterday, I literally spent all day at my part-time job, doing inventories at three grocery stores. This morning, I was thinking how nice it will be to return to my day-time job, so I can sit and get some rest. ;)

Speaking of resting, the boss asked me to work twenty hours a week, instead of the twenty-four he suggested a week or two ago. Whatever. The fewer, the better, IMHO. But I've almost decided that he's trying to annoy me into quitting, so that I can't apply for unemployment, even though I told him that I wouldn't, because I have a part-time job that will suffice until I get something else.

This is a pretty blah post, yes? That's pretty much what I've been up to lately: boring everyday stuff. Plus, I've had writer's block/been generally uninspired for the past week or so, hence the lack of updates here and at my other sites. I was invited to write an essay for a book that is in the works for a certain fandom; I was planning to do it, but the guy didn't like the topic that I had planned. He offered to help me find something suitable, but his letter really took the wind out of my proverbial sails. The essay is due on October 15, and since I am (slowly) working on other projects, too, I suddenly had no desire to spend time and effort on something that would probably just be rejected.

Anyway. My mother is doing very well after her surgery: in fact, she was released from the hospital the next day and she was up walking around. (And to think, my sister asked me if we needed to rent a wheelchair.) Without going into too much detail, there are two kinds of hysterectomies, and she had the kind that requires less hospitalization and time to heal.

PS: If anyone out there still needs/wants Gmail, I have invites: send me an email with "Gmail Invite" in the subject, and I'll invite you.


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