June 1 - July 29, 2004

These entries are from multiple sources. See the footnotes for details.

June 1, 2004 @ 02:39 PM
» thanks for nothing


I'm feeling a bit rejected today, after I see that my so-called online friend didn't write to me at all over the long holiday weekend. She did finally manage to eke out a letter this morning. Well, thanks SO much! Maybe I'll write back to her . . . some time this week. With this attitude, isn't it hard to believe that anyone doesn't want to correspond with me?? Yeah, that's big time sarcasm - I just hate that I don't get to talk to her like I used to. It's so disappointing to check my email and repeatedly find nothing. Even when I do write to her, I feel like I'm always talking about myself, and I just can't seem to stop. I do try to ask about her, but all I can seem to manage with that is a few sentences. Sigh.

Plus, this weekend, I went to a wedding. (No good can come from that.) At the reception, across the room I met the eyes of a rather handsome guy that reminded me of Michael Vaughn from Alias. For a few seconds, I imagined that he was with me, and our eyes were meeting like those of couples who can look like that and know what the other is thinking. Then reality crashed back in as he was apparently there with someone. Well OF COURSE he is! Sometimes I wonder if I'm cursed to only like guys that I cannot have.

After that experiment in being alone (aka, the wedding) Sunday night my throat started to hurt again. And it still is, not as bad as it was before, but noticeable, and obviously not improving. I'm debating whether I should go to the doctor again, or if maybe the antibiotics just need time to kick in.

June 2, 2004
» it's the singer, not the song


Today, Tony - the other guy that works in my office - has told me twice that I missed out by not staying for the reception at the wedding this weekend. After sitting through the almost four hour long ceremony, I had a terrible headache, so I left, thinking, "The food smells wonderful, but I'll eat at home, instead of these snacks." Tony explained that there was also a dinner buffet, complete with tables for dining. Yes, I hate very much that I missed that, but what can I do about it now? And what good does mentioning again how wonderful it was do either?

I'm starting to lose faith in Tony. He seems like a cool enough guy, but last week he advised that I should date a guy who keeps asking me out. Tony's logic was that many marriages have occurred simply because someone was persistent in trying to woo the other. That thought literally turned my stomach. I wanted to tell Tony that I'd been there, done that, and got the scars to prove it after going out with a guy just because he asked. Instead, I politely told him that I've set a goal for myself: I'm going to actually LIKE the next guy I go out with.

Last Thursday I started back to work with my part-time job. (Um, yay?) Starting last night, I'm working with them three evenings in a row - which makes for a very long day, after I work during the day at my regular job. The store tonight is a very large department store, but I'll get to leave about eleven. (They're very understanding about me having another job and needing my beauty sleep.) The nice thing about those large stores is that every one of our employees is working, so I'll get to see people I haven't seen for a while. Hopefully this includes the devastatingly handsome manager that works for another district. Then again, why do I want him to be there? When he's nearby, I am physically incapable of saying anything to him. Maybe I should have something prepared? "Hi, Jason. How are you?" Throw in a little Forrest Gump wave, and I'm sure I'd make *quite* an impression. :winces: I'll keep working on it.

I just remembered that I did actually speak to him one time before, and I think it was at the same store we're going to tonight. As I recall, I felt I was having a good hair day, and I was about to get to leave, so you know I was in a good mood. I was walking in a rather upbeat fashion to clock out and suddenly there was Jason in the aisle ahead. I guess I didn't have time to freeze up, because I remember giving him a big smile and saying breezily but not dorkily, "How's it goin'?" I forget what he said because I walked on, but I remember the smile and the look on his face as I approached. Oh, yeah. He wanted me. BWUHAHAHAHA! :wipes tears: It's very possible that I'm remembering the situation completely wrong - did you notice all of the disclaimers? "I think . . ." "As I recall . . . " - but in any event, I really enjoy my version of it. Perhaps I can draw strength from it if I see him tonight . . .

June 4, 2004 @ 01:01 PM
» fly away, little man


I'm feeling much less whiny today . . . did I just hear someone sigh with relief? lol. Yeah, I do seem to get that way a lot. Or perhaps it just seems that way because that's when I most feel compelled to write things down.

In any event, my boss again mentioned today how he hates to have to let me go at the end of June. Believe me: it doesn't worry me in the least. For one thing, I've seen it coming because our company lost a major contract, and it was only a matter of time before they really couldn't afford to keep me on. Heck, I'll be very glad for the change! If I don't find another job before I leave, that'll be okay, because I am really relishing the thought of some time off. Plus, let us not forget that I have a part-time job that will let me work as much as I want. (I don't want to work with them *that* much though.)

Today, I've been productive both with work and personal projects. :wink: I've got recaps ready for another Angel episode and for the Alias season finale. I've also got the review of the Angel episode over half completed, so I'm hoping to be able to update both of those sites tonight. Since I gave up many episodes ago trying to review this nonsensical third season of Alias, I'm considering writing a review of the season as a whole. I also need to recap what happened and add that to the Alias history page. However, I'm having trouble getting excited about that last project, when I feel like some 'tard will just steal all my hard work and place it on their site/group, like some 'tard already did. :glares in that group's direction:

If you're wondering what sites I'm referring to, you can find them if you search a bit, starting from the "more" link. I guess I could post the links here, but since I call this my Secret Diary, I try to remain as anonymous as possible so that I feel a bit more free to express myself. Still, the link to "who I am" is there, if anyone is curious - or bored - enough to go searching for it.

At work, I've been finishing the travel arrangements for one of our employees. Side note: making travel plans is one of my least favorite chores at work; I relish the thought of this guy having to make his own arrangements when I'm gone. Anyway, the travel guy had originally requested flights to two different cities. I briefly wondered if he was on tour, or something. I wasn't quite sure how to book flights like that, so I wrote to him asking him to provide some explanation. I added that I'd appreciate a speedy reply, since I'd be leaving work in about three hours, and I'd "apparently have to set aside a large portion of time to order all of those plane tickets." I know that's a particularly snarky request, but for some reason it cracks me up. :snicker: That guy always seems so haughty when demanding travel, which he always requests at the last minute, btw. If he didn't have such an attitude, I'd be more than happy to help him, sans snark.

June 8, 2004
» I'd like to thank the Academy, um, I mean, the Board


Yesterday I arrived home to find mail from the Engineering Licensing Board; yes, that would be the results from the Fundamentals of Engineering exam that I took back in April. I sat down and took a deep breath before opening it. Scanning the first line of the letter I was encouraged to read "we are pleased . . . " - I read further and saw that I passed! :dances like a crazy woman: I kept telling people that I had a good feeling about it, but it's kind of hard to tell with those kinds of things. Wow. All that work. All that hassle. All those times in years past when I'd get down on myself and cry, "Oh, how will I ever pass the FE?!" It may sound silly, but passing that test makes me feel that all of my time spent at school was a success. Excuse me: I'm about to weep for joy. Again. *g*

At this point, passing the test means I've taken the first step to becoming a Professional Engineer. The next step is to get a job under the supervision of someone who is already a PE, and getting such a job is easier said than done. After I get the job and work there for a couple of years, I can apply to take another test. :looks pained:

Anyway. Following up on the previous entry, the devastatingly handsome manager that I was hoping to see was at the gig. In fact, since our manager was on vacation, he was in charge of running the show, so to speak. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, which is a shame, because I think I could have actually made conversation. The first part of the work was finished very early, so I was able to leave about nine, darn the luck. If he had asked me to stay, I would have. ;-)

Yesterday, an employee from California called our office. He said it was a good sign that I was still there to answer the phone. I informed him that I'd only be around until the end of the month. He sounded very sorry as he said, "That's too bad." I assured him that I'm very much looking forward to finding something in my field. That reminded him that he had been surprised to learn from the boss that I was college; he said that I sound very mature on the phone. It's no secret that I tend to be somewhat goofy, but I try to sound professional when dealing with people at work, so I'll take that as a compliment. Then he declared that I'd have to make a trip out to California before I go. Of course! I'll be losing my job, so the logical thing to do is make a trip to one of the most expensive places in the country. o_0 Sarcasm aside, if he can convince the boss to pay for the plane ticket, consider me there.

June 9, 2004 @ 12:34 PM
» something wicked this way surfs


Today I found a message in one of my guestbooks from one of the webmistresses whose sites I've visited before. AND she asked if I wanted to be affiliates! :dances like crazy: Yes, I know that she's simply wanting to promote her site, but heck, if she links to me, I'll get some promotion, too. I feel this is a major coup; for the longest, there seemed to be this clique of sites for this show, and they seemed determine to ignore my site's existence. Well, now, most of those sites have fallen by the wayside - and I'm still here. :throws head back and laughs evilly: Seriously, though, there's a lesson here - keep on, keepin' on.

I wrote that I'd LOVE to affiliate. I was just at her site last week, and I meant to sign her guestbook (seriously!) and tell her that I absolutely love her layout. It's from the season finale, and it's EXACTLY what I had in mind for one of my sites. Of course, my artwork would not be near what hers is. Last week also, I seriously considered writing and offering her $$ to design a layout for me. Then I realized that she already had the layout I wanted, so I'll just plod ahead and work on my own. Hmm . . . maybe it could be "inspired" by hers . . . "laughs evilly again:

In other news, I am accomplishing much towards my goal of organizing the files on my work computer. I have many, many of my own personal files there, and I am working toward moving them all to a CD. (Well, one CD and a backup.) Have I mentioned how I love the wonder of rewritable CD's? I love that I can take all of my files with me with relative ease. The toughest part is organizing them, so that if I actually go looking for something, I can find it.

Monday afternoon, I received a letter that I passed a major test that I took back in April. :dances again: Now if my on-line friend would just write to me, I could share that news!

Confession: after all my indignance over the boss repeatedly telling me Very Simple Things, a letter that I mailed was returned because I didn't put a stamp on it! D'oh!

June 11, 2004 11:17 AM


Thanks, Armag! I was hoping people would find that sweet/helpful, and not, you know, get cavities from it, or something . . .

The more cynical among you can take comfort in the fact that despite all these "signs" the guy that inspired that post pretty much blew me off. Oh, he was nice about it, and he left it open, as in, "We'll have to see a movie some time . . ." Yeah, I've been given the brush off.

*shrugs* In any event, it was nice flirting with him. If it had turned into more, that would've been nice. But since it hasn't, I refuse to waste a moment worrying about it. Obviously, it wasn't "meant to be."

Moving on. In more ways than one.

Big, big news: I learned on Monday that I passed the Fundamentals of Engineering exam, that I took waaaaaay back in April. Without going into (too much) boring detail, people who plan to be licensed Professional Engineers must pass that test first. And I passed it!

June 16, 2004
» right here, waiting


Last week my "other boss" was in town, and she asked if I'd been told that the office would be moving. Yes, I have heard that. She started to say, "Did they tell you . . ." and I said that yes, I'd been told that they could not keep me on past the end of June. She amended that, saying now they can probably keep me on past June - "Don't worry," she says. I guess that's good, but darn it, I've been looking forward to having some time off. Knowing the bosses and their tendency to change their minds, I'm not getting too attached to going or staying. Whatever happens is fine with me.

I planned to call my builder last week to explain that I find myself in a bit of job uncertainty, so I'm not too gung ho to apply for a loan at this time. I might actually have time to complete the loan process before leaving - if I can stay through July - but it also concerns me (very much) that the builder's estimate was SO high. True, the actual cost might be less than that, but somehow I think that if he quotes a certain price, the cost to me would turn out to be close to it. Plus, it's common knowledge in construction that there are *always* unforeseen costs. So, I've just about decided to put these plans on hold until next year. Maybe I'll try to call my bank contact one more time and ask her how this job uncertainty would affect my chances of getting a loan.

My job hunt is . . . mostly at a standstill. I'm waiting to hear back from a company I applied to a few weeks ago, but the job announcement said it would be weeks before a decision is made. (And knowing the company, I don't doubt that is true.) In the mean time, Tony from work asks me every few days have I heard from anyone. No. He then asks if I've tried so-and-so or blah-di-blah, and I have to admit that I've not gotten that far yet. He probably thinks, "Well, what are you waiting for?!" As I pointed out two paragraphs ago, I'm really looking forward to a little time off. Plus, I believe I'll hear back from the company I'm waiting on; I just have to be patient.

June 21, 2004
» do you see what I see?


This weekend, I worked both days at my part-time job, but it wasn't bad at all because one of the really cute guys was there. Both days. When I got home, I wrote pages and pages in my off-line journal detailing our conversations. I thought of later posting some of what was said, but it occurred to me that I'm probably the only one who would find them interesting. (That may be true of everything I write . . . but I hope not!) Plus some of them would require a long backstory to fully be appreciated, and again, who has the interest for all of that? Still, I will share my fondest memory of the weekend: yesterday, as I was making a casual remark to the guy on my right, Chris (the cute one, to my left) took the opportunity to playfully insult me. I turned to give him a look, and though he appeared to be working, I could see him smiling and glancing at me from the corner of his eye, trying to see my reaction.

The guy on my right, from the previous incident, has flirted with me before, several times. Last night, he continued that tradition, even after he mentioned having a girlfriend. As we were conversing, he asked if I was still in school, and I said that I graduated in May. He said something like, "Well, wasn't that all you did? Work and go to school?" I said, "Pretty much . . .when I'm not finding something scandalous to do." That was entirely the wrong thing to say to him, because two seconds later he's saying that we shouldn't talk about that at work - but he'd be happy to discuss it over dinner. :laughs: I wish I had asked what his girlfriend would say to that, and would she be joining us.

I don't take that guy's comments seriously, but part of me appreciates his interest. I reason that if he - not a bad-looking guy - finds me flirt-worthy, maybe, just maybe Chris thinks I'm somewhat, kind of, a little bit attractive too. :crosses fingers: I readily admit that neither of those guys are what I need, and going out with either could only lead to heartbreak. But at the same time, I want them to like me.

In other news, this is a rather momentous day for me as a webmistress: I canceled the "plus" part of the old geocities account that was my Angel fansite. This means that 1) I'll no longer have to pay $5 a month for it and 2) visitors can no longer find that site by using www.geocities.com/~angelsecrets. I've had that site for almost three years, and it's been at that location since 1998. I would have left it there longer, since that's the one that's listed everywhere, but somehow, I was unable to update my credit card info at Yahoo. The card was going to expire soon, so I moved the site and left the old one up for four months to point visitors to the new site. Today, I decided to cancel it before they bill me for another month. I'm sure I'll lose some visitors and I hate that, but it couldn't be helped.

Also, I changed the layout at www.neloo.com and before anyone asks, no that isn't me in the picture. I found a site that offers pre-made templates, and I thought that one was quite fitting for summer. I wanted a new look for the site but am currently too lazy/uninspired to make one of my own.

June 25, 2004 @ 02:53 PM
» It's a dirty job . . .


Someone was kind enough to inform me that some unscrupulous 'tard was direct-linking to a banner on one of my sites. GRRR! Not only are they stealing my work by using the graphic without my permission, they are STEALING MY BANDWIDTH. So of course, I promptly changed that banner so that now it boasts a message about stealing in bold red letters. I also emailed that person, telling them to remove my graphics from their e-bay page; I was even nice about it. I'm interested to see if they have the nerve to write me back. I don't have much hope, because the product they were selling on e-bay? Pirated DVDs of a TV show.

I had previously thought that someone might steal my graphic and turn it into their own layout, or something, but I had no idea that they would post it to hock their crap on e-bay. :grumbles:

In other news, we're moving our office at work. I'm sitting here surrounded by half-packed boxes, and I'm just not interested in doing any more. Since we're having to work tomorrow - to accomodate the movers' schedule - I was planning to leave early this afternoon. However, the other guy left for lunch and hasn't come back, and that was three hours ago, as I write this. (He mentioned that he was going to look at some apartments.)

Tomorrow, I also have to work at my part-time job. For a change we get to skip wearing the uniforms and wear jeans. A guy I kinda sorta like was on the list to be there, but he said that he was going to get out of it. I *hope* he's there, because I've been told that I look pretty good in jeans. ;-) But, what if he IS there? He's completely wrong for me, so why on Earth do I want him being attracted to me? I guess, just because it's a nice feeling when someone you really find attractive thinks the same of you.

I'd best stop before I start rambling about my thoughts on relationships and attraction: they're supposed to transfer the phone lines to the new office some time soon, and I really don't have time.

July 1, 2004
» moving on up, but not really


I'm writing this entry from our new office. Did I mention that we were moving our office? I honestly can't remember . . . anyway. Formerly, I could turn to my right and look out the window at lush, green landscapes and scampering woodland creatures. Now, when I look to my right, I see a corner filled with boxes. About an arm's length away to my left, is the wall. Directly behind the computer, again, is the wall. Yes, I'm in a small windowless hole. :grumbles: Monday, I was hating it very much. Today, I'm coping.

So far the only good thing about the new office is that we have high-speed internet access. But that's not really enough to offset the bad points, such as the way my long drive to work is now even longer. The water fountain has no pressure, and the water from it borders on lukewarm. Plus, whenever I leave the office I pass the lady at the front desk; it's starting to make me self-conscious, imagining her wondering why I'm out of my office *again.* (Does that keep me from leaving the office? No.)

The boss said that I could stay on past the end of June, but he didn't say for how long. However, he did ask me to work 30 hours a week instead of 40, starting next week. That is fine with me; I'll be coming to work later, so I'll miss the eight o'clock rush hour traffic. I'm seriously considering turning in my notice and leaving at the end of July. As I repeatedly say, I'd love to have some time off. Also, the boss is trying to hire an admin person for the DC office, so they won't really need me any more. Again, I am beyond cool with that, and I am beyond ready to go. I've removed most of my personal files from the work computer, and I've taken home pretty much everything that belonged to me.

I'm not sure how to change the subject . . . oh, I guess I just did, huh? *g* I've been meaning to post the link for one of my new favorite websites: www.radio-locator.com - chances are, whatever kind of music you like, they will have a station listed that plays that type. From the main page, click "format search" and it will display the types of music. Pick a type of music, and you'll find various radio stations that you can listen to right over the internet. I've been listening to 80's music since the guy from work told me about that website, and I am loving it. :dances and sings to "Don't You Want Me, Baby?" which is playing as I type this: A word of warning: some of the stations have ads that will pop up in your active browser window. This means that if you're typing an email or something, that ad will interrupt whatever you were working on, and you might lose some information. It's not a big problem: just be aware of it.

July 6, 2004 @ 11:42 AM
» Should I, or shouldn't I?


Today at the request of my boss I started a new tradition of coming to work at ten o'clock. I understand why he asked me to work fewer hours, and heck, I like the idea of working less, but last night I found myself feeling somewhat expendable. I really hope he can hire a new person for the other office, because I'm seriously thinking of turning in my notice at the end of the month. I'll assure him he doesn't have to feel bad; I've got a part-time job, so I'll be fine money-wise until I find a new day-time job. I guess I'll have until the sixteenth to decide, because that would be the two-week point. I have a feeling I will turn in my notice, because I somehow think I'm determined to have some time off.

Today also, workers are supposed to come to our house and put a new floor (covering) in the kitchen. I hope they show up; I can't wait to see how it looks. Our old floor was roughly a million years old. For the next project, we plan to replace our tub, which may be even older than the kitchen floor.

The other day, my mom and I were talking about houses and roofs, and at one point she said, "What kind of roof is yours going to have?" Since I'm in this unsteady job situation, my house plans are pretty much on hold. (Note to self: call the builder and let him know what's going on!) However, I appreciate her encouragement. It makes me almost think I should charge ahead and try to get a loan, even with the weird work sitch.

In other news, I had a very productive three days off. I accomplished much website work, and when I'd get tired of sitting I'd get up and mow in the yard. We have this one really uneven patch of ground where extremely thick grass grows, and I made it my goal to bring that grass down. Finally, I did - and it almost got the best of me. As I was about to finish that tough spot, I started singing, "One way or another, I'm gonna get'cha. I'm gonna get'cha get'cha get'cha get'cha, one way, or another . . ."

Following up on the previous entry, the guy I like was at that gig. He sarcastically congratulated me for wearing a white shirt to a place where I'd probably get dirty. (Obviously, he just wants to talk to me . . . lol.) Defending myself, I replied that I was told to wear something I wouldn't mind messing up, and so I did: one of the shirts that I wear around the house. A bit later, he was up on a rolling ladder, counting a top shelf, and since I was nearby, he asked me to give him a push. I repeated, "Give you a push?" But of course, I did. :grins:

July 10, 2004
» watch for flying disks


Yesterday evening, the eject button on my floppy disk drive refused to eject my disk. It's been tricky/stubborn for a long time, but it's always worked - eventually. Not this time. I had to pull out the needlenose pliers and forcibly remove the disk. (Knowing this would not be good for the disk, I first removed all of the data from it and saved it on the computer.) Thankfully, this didn't seem to damage anything, and the computer still worked fine. I poked and prodded, thinking the button would somehow snap into place, but I finally gave up. As I told my family, I can get around using that drive by emailing things to myself, but it's more convenient to use a disk.

I checked my computer papers to see if it was still under warranty and it was (barely), but I suddenly noticed a lot of fine print, listing things that aren't covered. I'd just about resigned myself to not even try to get it fixed; I figured I'd just live without that drive and look into upgrading to a better computer before too long. I got up this morning still not really wanting to try. But I finally called Best Buy to ask if they fix eject buttons. I said, "The eject button on my disk drive isn't working." The guy that answered the phone said, "What? On your computer?" I said that was correct, but I left off sarcastically remarking that I don't have any trouble with the disk drive on our refrigerator. o_0 He said that I should just bring it in, and I finally did. As they started looking at it, one of them said that they may have to send it off to the service center, and I prepared how I was going to tell them to just skip it, if that was the case. Instead, the guy did fix it, by replacing the floppy drive. And, surprisingly, it didn't cost me anything because they didn't try to argue that it wasn't covered by my warranty.

The new disk drive shoots the disk out with such force that it very often leaves the drive completely. But I'm not complaining: the eject button seems pretty solid. *g*

In other news, I've added a slideshow of pictures from around the new office where I work; you can find that here. My face is hidden in the first shot because I previously took a picture unhidden and I had the goofiest grin . . . I shudder at the mere memory. Plus I wasn't wearing makeup, so hiding seemed the way to go.

July 19, 2004
» just not getting it


I had a job interview last Tuesday with the company that I sent a resume to five or six weeks ago. The man I talked to was nice, but I get the impression that he doesn't think I'm right for the job. Since my degree is in engineering, he said that I might not like "Project Management" if they hired me. He even told me I was over-qualified. As I said, he wasn't mean when he said it; he was just honestly expressing concern that I wouldn't stay. Truthfully, the more I heard about the job, the more I doubted it was for me. Project Management, from what I could tell, is basically a lot of record-keeping. I think I'd feel bad if I accepted a non-engineering position after spending all that time at school.

That same morning, my car started acting as if it didn't want to start. Thankfully it did, but I drove to work imagining the hundreds of dollars I'd have to spend to have my starter replaced. At work, I told Tony about its little problem, and he suggested that it could be the battery. He asked if I'd had the battery replaced recently; I'm pretty sure it was my ex-boyfriend who installed my last battery, so that would have been around the year 2000. Thankfully again, the car started as I went to the interview, and again as I left. Getting the battery changed took way longer than I thought, so I didn't make it back to work.

The boss was in town last week, and he occupied the other desk in "my" office, so things were a little crowded. I felt like he was always watching, and that I just couldn't do enough. :shudders: Fortunately he found several time consuming projects for me, so staying busy was not a problem.

At one point, he again mentioned the company's unsure financial situation. I said that I was thinking of turning in my notice on Friday and working through the end of July. I said that then I could concentrate on my job hunt, plus I have my part-time job, so I'd be okay until I found something else. The boss replied that he could still use some help and maybe I could plan to stay until the end of August. :slumps over, head hits desk: I think he really hates having to "let me go" but I was trying to present the logical reasons why I *should* go. It appears I'll actually have to say, "But I really, really WANT to go . . ."

July 20, 2004 @ 01:22 PM
» have keyboard, will snark


At the risk of being petty, a girl whose site I visit regularly has decided to start a meme. That's good, because we *really* need more of those! [/sarcasm] Am I a truly awful person for hoping it fails miserably? It's not enough for her that her former fan site was extremely popular, even though she got busy and didn't update it for months. She finally shut that down, but now her blog is extremely popular, even though she only manages to update about once a week. Despite that, she's trying to start not one, not two, but THREE memes. For one thing, I seriously don't see her having time to update all those every week, and that would be important for a meme to even have a chance of becoming popular. Secondly, I think she'll find that the number of people who visit her site is nowhere near the number of visitors who want to participate in anything beyond reading entries.

I'm a bit down on the 'Net this week. Yesterday, checking my referrers at one fan site, I found a site that had posted a few of the pictures from my site, and most people were leaving comments that they didn't like them. A few people liked them, but the vocal majority didn't. They're not my favorties, but reading all of that snark reminded me that it takes a really thick skin to be a webmistress - and I'm not so sure I always have that. This is why most of my sites do not have a commenting system.

This morning, from that same site (referring to those same pictures, even) another webmiss wrote, saying that although I call them "exclusives" she's had them posted at her site for ages, and in a larger size. I wrote back that I figured that they were somewhere else on the 'Net, but for now, they're far from common, so I'll keep referring to them as Exclusives. Then I ended my email the same way she did: with the winking emoticon.

Sheesh. Did I miss a memo? Is this actually Snark on Me Week or something?

I've been fighting the urge to start a site/place where I list all of the updates to my sites. It would be convenient for me to see all the updates at once, plus on the off chance that someone, somewhere on the planet actually cared to read it, they could check it out, too. However, I honestly think that the effort to maintain it would be more trouble than it was worth. Plus, having to update *another* site would probably make me slack off of updating sometimes.

I'm also fighting the urge to get another domain. I'm definitely not ready to start any more sites, and I wouldn't dare move another site because it's too much work. So the domain would just be a forwarder or a mask. Then I'd have *another* domain to renew and pay for, plus people would no doubt get confused and lose track of the site anyway. Even though I don't like the names of several of my sites, I'm sticking with them for now.

July 21, 2004 02:31 PM


Things are really slow here: I'll work on getting a life so I'll have something to post...

July 27, 2004 @ 04:21 PM
» Does this look infected to you?!


At work today I inadvertently stapled my finger. Yeah, ouch. I guess I'm lucky in that only one side of it pierced my skin. Still trying to stop the bleeding, I sat down and searched for info on tetanus; words like "serious" and "fatal" appeared. Great. At the article's advice I went to clean and disinfect my wound. Then I looked again for info and was a little more encouraged: only about 11% of tetanus cases are fatal and there are only about 50 cases of tetanus a year in the US.

I also felt better after I recalled my philosophy of "when it's your time to go, you're gonna go."

I think the finger is more bruised than anything. Yet still, I'm worrying a bit as I seem to be noticing a lot of unusual little pains. I read that tetanus can take up to 21 days to show up, so until that time passes I'll be keeping a close watch for symptoms.

July 27, 2004
» Single White Female


Saturday night, the singles group from my church had a casual get-together. Predictably, the same people were there - no one new, so still zero dating potential for me - but it was still a pretty good time. The TV was on and we watched most of the game between the Braves and the Mets. I'm not a big sports fan, but I enjoyed that game. Thinking about it now, I like baseball better than say football because it's more unpredictable. Also, it's easier to see the players' faces. *grins* I was rooting for the Braves, but when the Mets' player Matsui was up, I was hoping he'd do well, so that his handsome self would get more time in front of the camera.

Last week, the "friendship" site I've long been a member of joined forces with another singles site. They had informed me that they were going to do that, and the change was finally complete. At this new site, apparently they do not let non-paying members stay on past the trial period, yet they try to charge twenty-eight bucks for ONE month. *boggles* For that much money, they'd better guarantee results! Since that's, well, impossible, I really don't see myself staying on. Since I almost prefer being single, I've questioned whether I should participate even during the trial period. I honestly don't expect to meet more than a few new friends, but - trying to get the most out of my brief time with them - I sent out a bunch of short emails to several guys, introducing myself. (I was encouraged that since I joined on Thursday, seven or so people have written to me, doing the same.)

One guy wrote asking if I was rejected because my profile says that I don't want kids. Obviously, I have no way of knowing if guys are not writing to me specifically because of that, but I had wondered earlier if maybe that was too much information. I mean, it is how I feel, and how I've felt for as long as I can remember. But who knows? Later on, if I found the right man I might change my mind. (I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has assured me that this is so. Personally, I'm not so sure.)

This reminds me of an article I read months ago about on-line meet-up services. In the article, they described a local man who "knew what he wanted in a woman," and they listed the things he was looking for, such as "redheaded" and "conservative but not religious." The article went on to say that he had found someone with the qualities he was looking for, and now they are married. That's great, but what if our list of wants makes us choose someone that's not right for us? For example, I'm attracted to tall guys, but I've dated several tall guys that were completely wrong for me. Suppose also that I rejected my so-called soulmate from the singles website because his height was five-eight, or something? That's the down side of having your stats listed so clearly in one place; at the same time, it's sort of a necessity on those kinds of sites because it's the best they can do as an introduction.

So far, no one that exactly matches my list of ideals has written, but I'm planning to continue writing to a few guys that seem pretty nice. Since I'll probably give them the link to this site - after we've written for a while - that's all I'll say about it for now. ;)

July 29, 2004 @ 10:45 AM
» check yes or no


Last week I joined one of those on-line meet-people sites - on a trial basis. So far, I'm very glad that I'm not paying good money for this. It's slightly better than the last one I joined, but it seems that I'm attracting the same kinds of guys I do in real life. If that's the case, I hate to even start writing to them because I don't want to get their hopes up. One guy is actually in my city; he was telling me where he goes to church. I hope he's not offended but I'm keeping my personal information private for the moment. I wrote to him as I plan to write to all of the guys I'm talking to that I feel pretty casual about that site at the moment, "but if I make a few new friends I won't consider it a waste of time." I hope that doesn't dash their hopes; I'd like to think that everyone's kind of casual when first talking to someone. Still, you know there are people who consider themselves in love the first time someone writes to say hello.

I was checking my mail there this morning and I was almost overwhelmed by my feelings of how pointless it all is. Does anyone even read my list of wants in my profile? Do they read how I describe myself, and if so, whatever makes some of them think that we are compatible?

I've often said that I'd like to meet someone by casually starting a conversation in line at Wal-Mart, or something. We'd hit it off and decide to continue the conversation over coffee. Instead, I'm on the 'Net, browsing through profiles and feeling a bit like I do when I go shopping: there's nothing here that I want. If by chance there is someone interesting, you can bet that he'll live thousands of miles away. Then, after you decide to risk it and write to introduce yourself, there's the possibility that they'll see your profile or more likely your picture and blow you off. Plus, it's highly possible that even if you started corresponding with someone, the two of you could fall by the wayside just because you can't express yourself through email.

Earlier this week, I used the site's Quick Match function and wrote to several (like, ten or fifteen) guys that were classified as one-hundred percent compatible. Now, I'm regretting doing that. So far, less than half of them have written back, and for most of those that do, it's hard to tell if they want to continue writing, or if they were just being polite. Argh. Yes, I will write to no one else. I have six more days until my free membership expires . . . I wonder how many Mr. Wrongs I can meet during that time.


< Previous Entries

List of Entries Journal Index

Next Entries >

F O O T · N O T E D