March 13 - May 7, 2001

These entries are from multiple sources. See the footnotes for details.

March 13, 2001


Wilma said that KA told her they are thinking of moving. She told me she'd turn them in if they try to move into a HUB zone just to get business. I resent being put in that position - of knowing what she said. Did she want me to tell them? I know she doesn't want to lose another tenant, but threatening them if they leave; this isn't some cheesy soap opera! I've had enough of the corporate espionage for today! Lately I can't wait to get home. Lately also my left ear's been very stopped up when I wake up. I have plenty of work to do today - I knew that I did, so I set my mind to work on it.

I don't really have time to write. OH - I will say that I'm considering leaving Ray a message that I don't want to see him because I will not go through those patterns with him again! That's no guarantee that he won't call weeks or months from now, but I thought yesterday that I don't want to wonder every day if he'll call and if I'll be weak when he does. I don't want to hash over if I'll call and leave that message; I really think I should!

John called and pestered me into stopping by the office for "10 minutes." It had better be for ten minutes!

March 14, 2001


It was about ten! I have a range of emotions about John. I so do not want to hurt him, but I really don't want to hang out with him! What is the point? We can go nowhere. I need to have a spare excuse ready for when he calls. He said that he doesn't like to play games, but he won't accept what I honestly tell him! I should just honestly tell him that we're going nowhere and I hate to be wasting my time! (I would say that in a nicer, more tactful way.) When I leave John I always feel like his feelings are hurt - I don't know why and I don't like it! I had one moody/mostly unhappy guy and I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER! With John it can only turn out with his feelings hurt! BUT if I don't tell him in a nice way, it could make working gigs with him very unpleasant! I was thinking this morning how I'm learning to think of the CONSEQUENCES of going out with someone where I've no intention of going further. I'm especially learning to consider the future when I work with the person. It could be awkward!

Oh! I hatched an evil plan to chat with that guy in [our office complex]: I could go to the vending machine and stop over to see if he had change, claiming the machine took my money. Why bother meeting him though?

I was so tired last night that I could not get into exercising, so I just skipped it. I haven't had much heart situation since last week, before the weekend. GREAT!

I was thinking how I'd better use the time they're gone to catch up on ALL of the projects they've asked me to look into! I've made a list! I still haven't received my tax refund. I hope they don't penalize me for that darn paper coming in late!

March 15, 2001


I was looking at job openings on the net and I am so discouraged! Everyone wants years of experience and they have very specific requirements. I don't even know what part of the broad world of civil/structural engineering that I want to focus on! I can't even apply and sound half way intelligent without knowing something about what a company does! Even if I do apply, I wouldn't be able to intelligently tell them what I could do since I have no experience in the field! There are so many things that I'm interested in! Would they let me volunteer to see if it's something I want to pursue? I could ask. I need to talk to [my college advisor] so that I can be able to mention officially my math minor. Maybe he knows some company that is looking for someone such as myself, or maybe he'll have something helpful to say. (There's a first time for everything!) I know that I want to get away from this no-brainer admin work. I'm just spinning my wheels here; it is getting me nowhere! Yet, I stay here in my comfort zone because I won't get out there and look. It's not a completely bad job, but it is a waste of time!

Oh yes - I got my tax refund back! WOO HOO! That's no guarantee that they won't zap up later and say, "Oh, by the way, you owe us a penalty fee."

March 16, 2001


I am so working today! I still haven't heard from John about the concert. If I miss it I won't be devastated.

Billy stopped by and stayed to talk. Boy! Did he talk! He remarked that I'm wearing jeans. I kept my smug "and I look good, don't I?" remark to myself. It's almost time to go! WOO HOO! I don't have time to write!

March 19, 2001


I did miss the concert. Friday afternoon, I considered how if he called much later than four I wouldn't have time to get ready and drive over there. I told Mom that if he called after four we would not answer the phone. It rang one time from [work/inventory] at fifteen until four. Then it rang about six. I did not answer. It was really ticking me off that he waited until the last second to call and expected me to come running! Saturday I saw him at the gig and HE asked ME what happened to me: "I called your office three times." I said, "Oh. I had a dentist appointment." He said an angry/sarcastic "Oh, that's nice." I was in the middle of putting my stuff away and didn't want to stand in the middle of the store and discuss my personal business. As I went home it burned me up that I didn't get to say my peace which was "Why did you wait until the last minute to call me anyway?" I fully planned to say my peace on Sunday but he wasn't at that gig. Doesn't that figure?

I still love that DIVINE fragrance from VS. I'll put that on my b-day shopping list.

So now I'm at work. I've alternately been productive and slovenly more slovenly than productive. It's looking very gray and cloudy, but I feel strangely cozy. I don't want to go to class - my hair is a greasy, flat, mousy mess!

OH! I ordered those BA tapes on the Internet and saved about $10! To my knowledge that is the first thing I've ordered on the Internet for myself. I'm loving the saving money part!

March 20, 2001


I don't think they've shipped it yet, although they have sent two "thanks for your order" emails. Forget that: ship my stuff!

I'm having lunch today with Michelle and the boys at TGIFriday's.

Well, lunch was exciting as always. I never want to have kids! Now Michelle is trying to fix me up with Penny's brother. Oh for Pete's sake! He's 22. She said that she and Penny and Troy were talking. Well, isn't that nice? Those tree deities were planning my life for me! Michelle also told me that I need to go spend a few hours at the new club for the Over-23 crowd. Michelle saw my hair and said, "You cut your bangs: I'm very disappointed." Well, that's nice. One thing you can say for Michelle, she doesn't give out insincere comments to her friends. If she says something nice, it's pretty safe that she means it. (likewise if she says something un-nice!) My answer to meeting Penny's brother was "why not?" I resent being set up though. I'd heard that it happens to people and I've always been glad that it wasn't me!

March 22, 2001


I'm in a mood where I really want a thinking job. I know that I've been there before: well I'm there again! I really miss that good feeling of accomplishment at working on a thinking project. I also really resent all of these no-brainer tasks! I'm sure it's all in my head that they're putting me down, but for whatever reason, I'm especially insulted by it! I believe that if I could combine a statistics career with my engineering studies, I would be really happy there.

I was reading the upcoming spoilers for B & A and they have them listed through the end of May - the end of the season! They sound excellent too! Yet, we're stuck with repeats for three more weeks! I was excited to see that listing; I felt like a kid at Christmas! I'm inspired to stop TODAY and get that Angel episode of Buffy.

March 23, 2001


I had an email from my video site: they're still working on my order. I'll be beyond peeved if they say, "We can't find your item."

I'm officially over this week!

March 26, 2001


Now, from our "you must be kidding" files, Ray called last night! (I was at a gig.) AND Mom said she thought she saw him drive slowly by the other day. For PETES sake, Ray! Oh! I was planning to tell John "my piece" last night. Then I saw him leave with some big-boned girl. I was jealous - I know that's ridiculous, but I was. I also felt a bit foolish. When I saw the note that Ray had called I lost my cool and screamed in a subdued way. It's just like with John, I was thinking about kissing him and hanging out again. (Can you believe it? I just get so lonely and weird.) But I mustn't! I have got to control myself! For my own sake I mustn't hang out with Ray! I'm like some weird masochist that gets out of a situation only to jump back into it! (That is so true, I should say it again!) Have some self-respect!

KA told me that KMW was thinking of leaving again. What, because of me? (My, someone's vain!) For crying out loud! I've decided that everyone needs a Trent early on in their life so we all can learn that sometimes people are simply not attracted to us! (I sure learned that!) We don't have to mope and cry or leave the country; we just accept it and move on to greener pastures! Or we move on and accept that we are terminally single! For some reason, I especially noted/remember how John looked as he was leaving with his machine in hand followed by that girl who hesitated then he looked back, then she followed him out of the swinging door. I'm not pathetic as much as sad and depressed a bit over another failed relationship.

I've busied myself today by starting a review of an Angel episode for one of the websites that I visit. YAHOO couldn't find the page for a while - I'm glad I didn't take it off of my bookmarks. I don't know that she wants a review, but it would give her a placeholder and an update in any event.

One weird thing from last night made me feel good. First of all I was glad no one there was rude to me because I like that store and I feel bad about returning to buy things if they're rude during inventory. But second I was in the candle section with Chris (who is so cute and nice, BTW), and Kim stopped by to see Chris. I heard her say, "Are you trying to make me jealous?" I deduced that she was referring to me; it seems like she mentioned him being there with - I can't remember that part exactly. Is she jealous of me there with my stupid hair and no makeup face? Actually if the truth be known - I was feeling pretty darn attractive and attitude IS everything!

Look at this - I have fretted for over a page. Well, we all recall how I fretted when nothing happened. Now I have to firmly end it. Prepare to read frettings!

March 27, 2001


I've been working on my review. I'll be glad to send that thing off! I'm sure I'll be a bit disappointed if she doesn't use it, but that's the risk I take. I'll be more than a bit happy if she does use it!

I was thinking earlier of actually sitting there telling Ray that I don't want to see him; my heart was pounding again and I think I started to gasp again. What a wimp! I'm torn - I want to catch up on old times with him, but it's probably a bad idea! Why can't he just stay away? (Why must I be so darn irresistible? I pause here to laugh out loud!)

As I think about it, I would like to hear what he has to say. I think I'd laugh if he said, "I love you."

I tentatively plan to stop in today - my stomach churns when I seriously consider it. I really don't think he'll be there, but since I plan to skip exercising today this is as good a chance as any.

I shouldn't put so much pressure on one visit. I should stop in and see what develops. I could make my small talk and then later leave a message if I want to. But what if he wants to get together. I think that since he stood me up all those times before, I'd be motivated to say no. But what if I said a meek, "OK." I could say instead, "You know, it occurred to me as I was sobbing in the bathroom on Christmas Day that there's really nothing more between us." I don't know if I could cough up such a big sentence. Plus if he's in that "I love Anne" place, I probably don't want to play out that scene in the LH. My heart pounds if I think about actually going in to LH.

Chrystal wrote back (much quicker than I thought) and said she appreciated the help. She said if I could write one for Epiphany also (I offered) she would post them at the end of the week. Cool! I'll start on it this evening!

March 28, 2001


I didn't see Ray's car at LH. I won't plan to stop for a while. Whenever I even mention Ray to Sara she sighs as if to say "Is she talking about this again?" I know, that's the same thing I do when she talks about TB, but this is an actual situation in my life not some thing like TB! I guess we all think of our own talking as highly interesting while other people say things that we try to politely tolerate.

March 29, 2001


I have many pesky work projects. I need to look at my school stuff, but I'm not too concerned about it. After all, a break should be a BREAK.

March 30, 2001


I went to see my advisor; he wasn't too helpful. Looking at my class schedule (on my own, BTW) I think I'll have to take three oddly scheduled classes next spring. How will I keep working? That doesn't plague me as much as how I'll keep my insurance! I also need some money, but I can work part-time wherever and that is not a problem. I hate to be stalled that much more in my career - although since I'm not in my field, I'm not really working on my career yet, am I? How will this set back my house buying? Lately I've been really considering putting a small apartment on the land. I can't imagine why I'd want to move away and be lonely just to have my own place. I don't know, I'm not anywhere near being ready for that. I'm almost thirty and I still live at home and have years to go to finish school! Man! Lately also, I really want to look Ray in the eye and let him know all of the things I haven't said before. I want to tell him not to think of coming back to me every time he misses that old comfortable relationship. I'm thinking about stopping in to see him on Saturday, but I think that waiting until he calls again would be consistent with what I want to say.

This morning, I need to look at my current school work; I have the perfect chance! I'm pretty pleased that I accomplished a few HW probs. More importantly, I overcame a severe case of the lazies and started looking at the material again.

I have such a long day planned for Sunday. I was one of the chosen few chosen to do three stores in one day.

And knowing my spring semester will be messed up is bringing me down already! I know that I won't be able to work full-time. I guess that's okay - aren't I always complaining about this no-brainer job anyway? I just hope it doesn't mess up the insurance. I knew the classes factor was a problem when I started considering looking for another job. I know [my job] will work with me as I have to work weird hours. I hate to start another place knowing I'll have to ask them for that.

I found a new review site for Angel. Good grief, does that guy go on and on as though he were reviewing some of Shakespeare's works!

It's almost time for lunch. I'm glad! Is there anything that I write that Word doesn't find incorrect? KA is here: he needs to go! I'm glad I came in earlier; I surely didn't want to stay later! This is day three (or four) of my sore gum syndrome.

What can I fret about? At least typing makes me sound busy. Ray, I can't believe that he tried to call. Yes I can! Don't I always say how it's never that easy? It's freaking ridiculous! Is he not ashamed to even talk to me, after the way he treated me? How can he even think of asking me out again with a straight face? This is why I want to see him face to face. So he can see (hopefully) the resolve in my eye when I say that there can be nothing between us except friendship. (I don't even think that's true: we're too different to be friends and I have too many issues!)

If he asked me out again (and I believe he will) there are just so many responses that I could give! I like the one about sobbing in the restroom on Christmas Day and realizing that it was over for us. I like honestly telling him that there is just too much; we can not stay together so why should we waste our time pretending that we have something? I mostly like that I can actually picture saying out loud to him the things I previously tried to write and/or leave a message for him.

Check that - I was just picturing his face and I recalled all those feelings of not wanting to hurt him/wimping out!

As I repeatedly say, it would be interesting to talk to him just to see what I actually said! Anything would be better than sitting here fretting! Happy day! Looking at my finances, I see that I am able to realize a third financial goal! (I really like the expression "realize" in terms of achieving a goal!)

When I see that "realizing" goals part, I feel very blessed! I really do! But I believe that we should be responsible with what we're given however much or little it is. I should especially give Mom money. It really got to me when she said that she went to a food pantry to ask for food around Christmas last year. She didn't even ask us for money. I'm ashamed to say it's because she knew how selfish we are.

April 2, 2001


What a weekend! On Saturday I decided on a whim to go to town a different way and I passed Ray! I instinctively waved -- cheerily -- and he waved back. Mom said, "Don't encourage him." It was a reflex! After that I had a new idea of what to say to him: "I realized that I don't have to hold a grudge against you because we won't be anything more than friends." That is possibly the cruelest rejection line ever! It gives the idea that the person is not attractive enough for your "love and affection" but they are okay to casually talk to.

Back at work here, Chrystal emailed to ask if I want to do the reviews for the rest of the season. Sure! I really like helping her with her site -- it's not as much work as having my own. I noticed that my reviews aren't posted yet. Hey, she says she's busy. I wonder what she does, but I don't ask because if I were her I wouldn't broadcast my personal info to every one that asked. I would even offer to post the reviews, but again she'd have to give me personal computer information and instructions so I haven't offered for that. I hope that she won't give up the site completely -- since she is "so busy."

In the spirit of the year of JUSTDOIT, I called one of the oral surgeons on my "in-network" list. I have an appointment for the consultation this Thursday. I should've made it next Thursday. Oh well. What a busy week I have planned! Just call me Chrystal! Just call me "Headache".

I was wondering if Ray would be available to drive me home from my wisdom tooth extraction. Recalling how I felt after the last time, I was glad that Jamie was there for me. (I'm amused by the irony of one painful experience driving me home from another.)

April 3, 2001


I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really getting anywhere. I missed a few minutes of class to get my advisor's signature so that I could register for class yesterday and be done with it. Wrong -- they weren't there at seven. Drat! I need to find out more about declaring a math minor! One thing that worked is that Mom will pick up my X-ray from Dr. B.

Where Ray is concerned, I feel pretty good about not calling or seeing him. We always fall into the same old patterns, but I do not plan to go there again! I found myself feeling flirty toward Mark last night -- this tends to happen when I feel pretty and well dressed! But again that can't be!

AND I seem to recall several brief moments of heart stuff yesterday. MAN!

AND somehow my work clock is different -- it's no longer 8 minutes fast so I left too early yesterday! I need to meet my school group pre-class tomorrow -- this would have been the best time to leave early!

I HATE THAT SCHOOL! I tried to find out about declaring a minor -- they directed me back to my advisor! My advisor is worthless! I'll try the secretary in the Civil DEPT -- later!

I did go! I'm glad. I don't care if it's raining a bit; it's nice to get out of the office. I forgot that I was supposed to get 30 minutes. I get used to staying here answering their phones and doing their work during my "lunch break." Let me tell you, it isn't much of a break!

I'm registered. I'm glad. Now, I need to get gas today so that I can be early to meet with the others tomorrow before class.

April 4, 2001


My day started off badly when I discovered first thing that my show didn't tape! Then the channel came in right away after I checked the tape and found it to be no good! MAN! Plus, my coffee was weak. I was late to work -- happily no one was here to witness it. I found an email from CS. I'm still not liking my job. (What a surprise!)

April 5, 2001


Well, after I rescheduled my appointment, I had a strong feeling that KA would be here after all. He called to say he'd be here at 9:00. In happy news, my hair looks so good that I almost wish that Ray could see it! I haven't been blow-drying it. Why do that when it still doesn't look like I want? I've been "letting it be." I've been skipping a day washing it -- I think it looks the best when I do! It's not frizzy. It doesn't always work though, skipping a day.

I hope KA will go away -- I need to study in a big way!

I'm trying to avoid those SPOILERS but I slipped and looked! Man! I'm trying to avoid them because I'd like to be surprised for once when I'm watching the shows! I don't know if I can hold out for two more weeks!

April 6, 2001


I'm so glad that it's Friday! I will be studying at the last minute for this test -- that doesn't bode well for my grade! For the past two I've been trying to be studying the week before, but then we didn't have a HW due at the last minute! PLUS, we don't even have the solutions to the HW.

Today, I'm not having a good hair day!

The other day I found out/remembered that Mark from class is a smoker. Absolutely -- he is off my list. Again, I want to casually mention the guy that I'm seeing, to avoid any future inquiries of going out. I kind of like being mysterious and having them wonder if I have a boyfriend or what. However, they might assume that I don't since I never mention him. Hey, I'm not a big talker anyway!

I'm wishing I'd stopped to see Ray while (I thought that) my hair was looking so excellent. I'd really like to talk to him so I can stop wondering how it would go! He hasn't seen my newest hairdo. I want him to gasp, "You look GREAT!" I can say, "You could've had all this -- YOU BLEW IT!" If he thinks I look good, I'm sure my newfound bitterness will negate it!

I was just thinking (deeply) how I don't go to see Ray for the same reason that I don't tell Mark I "have a boyfriend" -- I don't want to finalize it. While whatever hasn't happened there are infinite possibilities! The moment you do/say it that's all! The up side is that one doesn't have to fret over it! One has actually lived the moment and can go on instead of contemplating some of those infinite options!

Yesterday I was complaining how KA and MA simplify things as if they were talking to a small child. Today Bill from next door was telling me about the book he was reading about Quantum Mechanics and other dimensions versus time travel. Now THAT is a good conversation! I can't even say "Quantum Mechanics" to MA and KA!

April 9, 2001


Man! I had a long weekend of trying to study! Thank goodness I had no [work/inventory] gigs! This morning I saw an ad for Valley View on the Internet. Mom put in an ad last week! If they don't call her, I'll be mad! I faxed for her a reminder that she submitted an application and is still interested!

I need to leave early and cram for my test!

Oh yes -- CHRYSTAL finally got my reviews on the web site. Cool! Yet, not as cool as I thought it would be! I really do ramble on and on! I'll try to be a bit more brief in future ones!

I cannot stop philosophizing! I saw a quote by Sugar Ray that said, "to be a champ, you have to believe in yourself when no one else does." That is so true! As I said, I guess it's hard when everything seems to be kicking you back down. I've learned that if you fake confidence -- it's the same as having confidence! How did I get to be so ... me? I'm trying to give some of my (over) confidence to Mom. It's not working!

I boldly asked to be off this afternoon when KA conveniently mentioned that my access class is tomorrow. Well, I'm sorry but April is a very busy month for me! I've also started getting together Christmas stuff. I wonder if that WM still has those file boxes for $5. That's a good deal for a gift idea! Sara needs one too to organize her receipts!

April 11, 2001


This morning I went to my appt with Dr. Clark. She did NOT need to describe the procedure for my tooth extraction!

Anyway! I bought some straightening-gel for my hair. I'm feeling pretty good about it after the first use! I didn't realize until just now that TS had the same price as WM, PLUS I had the $1 off coupon. Super! The people working at TS recommended that product -- they wouldn't recommend it just because it is fairly expensive, would they?

Let me stop this and finish my PP (petty projects).

One more thing: I considered going to WM -- I'm glad I didn't. There was a bomb threat!

WOO HOO! The new Angel and Buffy start next week! WOOOOOHOOOOO! I was just looking at the Screening Room site. I may include a few words of review on that BTVS since Angel will be on there!

April 12, 2001


Last night, Sara and her sorry attitude were irking me to no end! Now my own attitude is, but what can I do? KA keeps giving me PP (petty projects). I don't know why he gives me anything to do, since he feels compelled to over-explain everything to me!

I'm having a low-maintenance day -- I didn't wear stockings and I have my hair in a bun. I am very much looking forward to my new episodes. I get to write a review! I'll probably mention the Buffy appearance too, but I'm planning to be brief. Well certainly no longer!

I sent an offer to help the BUFFYGUIDE person -- I'd better watch it or I'll be the one too busy to do anything! I don't think that person will want any help, but I felt compelled to offer!

My chest SITCH seems to be moving -- it doesn't seem like exactly the same pain from day-to-day.

This morning in our work restroom, someone stowed flowers in a trashcan and in one of the sinks. What a pleasant surprise! I discovered that I like flowers in the restroom -- it makes it seem like a jungle!

April 13, 2001


Yesterday, I found out that I had got a "merit raise" from [work/inventory]. Cool -- now if I just had some gigs ... I took the checks to SH. I had to get out and wait for him. I wonder that if the guy wasn't married and was less than my ideal, would I even give him a second glance? Instead it seems that the married ones are the only ones that I find with any redeeming qualities.

I tell you one thing -- I sure have felt confident and pretty the past few days. I love that. The other day I found myself deeply loving the deep and lovely words of the country song that I was hearing.

I really want to see Ray while I'm in this powerful and positive state.

April 16, 2001


I'm getting spoiled by these weekends with no [work/inventory] gigs! It's pretty nice to not have to go anywhere! I don't have anything to do except my HW. Cool!

I thought it was a nice service at church yesterday.

On such a beautiful day, I sure am feeling BLAH! It upsets me that no place will call Mom to come work for them. I truly don't know why that is! She wants to work and she can do a job!

PLUS -- why are there so many great guys out there that I can't have? It's not fair. The other night I dreamed that Ray was trying to get freaky with me and I was telling him, coldly, to back off! It wasn't working but I was firm and way colder than I thought I could be! I think that stems from my underlying anger with Ray. I was discussing his general overall badness with Sara the other day and we firmly agree that he was WRONG to disappear without the courtesy of a word. He did the meanest thing possible: he left me waiting by the phone and fretting over whether he was gone or not. I told Sara that I'm certain that I'd turn him down because I could not get over the feeling that he will stand me up again! THIS from the one who claimed to love me so much! Whatever!

AND when will that place send me my tapes? It's been four weeks! I'll be mad if they say that they can't find it. I'll really be peeved to have to pay $10 more for them! MAN!

I'll have to stay later tonight to work on my bloody HW. Thanks for the computer assignment!

PLUS I had more than a brief moment of heart situation yesterday as I was playing a computer game. I've got to get to the doctor. Great -- now I'm writing that again.

AND we've got another picture to be taken for church. I really want this one to be good! I'm thinking of going that morning to some cheap hair place and getting a trim and a style.

It's about 3:30 -- I've still got the blahs. I think I need a vacation! I bet they'd really appreciate me when I got back!

April 17, 2001


For some reason, I associate this date with good things!

MOM has a job interview with [a grocery store] -- I HOPE that she got the job and I hope that it's a good one!

Also good about this date is that the new B & A start.

I also heard a great song -- "Blame it on your heart" by Patty Loveless. What a fitting and empowering song! I have this cool scene in my head where Ray is seriously professing his love and asking me out again. Then I burst forth into an energetic rendition of that song! Or into a less-energetic rendition of "Almost doesn't count." Or I simply say, "Get off the crack!"

I tried to call Mom to see how the interview went and there was no answer. She called -- she had to take a drug test. If that goes well (and I think it will) she'll start next week. Cool!

I'm trying to use my alone-time productively and study! I'm done with my HW = WOO HOO! Now I can read the chapters and review my notes for the upcoming final. I will also manage to do a few [my job] projects.

April 18, 2001


I did. What a wonderful day yesterday was! I woke up about 3:45 this morning and got up to check that the VCR was recording and that the channel was on. Yes and yes. I'm standing here beside myself! Now I have to work.

I'm glad Mom got that job, but I think she wanted a full-time. Hey, that could become a FT! Plus this gives her some cash in the mean time. Lately I really want to fix up our bathroom! I don't want to rush into something, but I've been talking about it since last Christmas! Since it looks like I'll be living there a while, I'd really like a nicer bathroom! Nothing fancy -- just some storage and a nicer sink! A cleaner tub would be a fabulous extra, since the one we have is beyond nasty! Every cabinet that I see for sale looks cheaply made and not good!

I had another point -- what was it?

We had visitors and MA arrived late. I KNEW that she would try to boss me around in front of them! It would be one thing if it was something legitimate, but she's just trying to assert her authority. And WHY does she offer coffee, when we only have hot water and I'll have to take 15 minutes to run that through the pot? As I said, she just wants to be bossy and assert her so-called authority.

I'm feeling a bit ill-tempered. I was yesterday also when Sara was going on (and on and on) about Trey. I do NOT even want to hear those losers' names!

I signed up for my very own web page! I totally did not plan to, but I was messing around and now it seems that I have one! The more I think of it, the more I like it! I can post updates for my friends to see -- after I get the site to look better! It's addictive and fun! What a great project for my down time! I can sharpen and build my HTML skills!

April 18, 2001


After a fruitless run with the so-called page Wizard, I am attempting to create this page and I am literally overwhelmed by options! When I woke up this morning I had NO IDEA that I would start a web page! It's just for fun - to mess around with and to try out some of my HTML skills!

My plan is for it to be like a journal - as you'll see I'm very into writing things down! I may show the page to some of my friends - it'll be a while!

Maybe I should fiddle with the fonts and appearance before I worry about the content!

What's going on in Anne's world? My mother got a new job working at our local [a grocery store]. I think that she'll like it. She has had some tough ones before and could use a break.

April 19, 2001


I have too many things going on and now look! I'm writing here! I've finished one Angel review -- I know as soon as I send it I'll think of something else to say! It's shorter and I was planning to make it shorter! I NEED to be looking at our project stuff!

April 19, 2001


I'm pressed for time but I'm addicted to working on this! I discovered some fabulous web wizards in Word!

April 23, 2001


Speaking of which -- Mark and I met two days over the weekend and we accomplished nothing! He is TOTALLY MAKING UP the numbers! Before we left yesterday I was shaky and nervous and filled with angst! I went to my gig and was okay. Now, I'm trying to type this stuff up and I am back to fretting. This stuff is a mess! It's entirely made up! I don't really have time to do it all over either! MAN!

I ALSO HATE thinking that CHRYSTAL thinks my word document has a virus! It doesn't, or if it does Rocky's computer didn't detect it! I asked her what virus it said and her computer didn't know. It's not a virus -- it's a script error! I hate for her to think I'm trying to send her a virus! Man!

Plus, KA has given me work to do. OK -- it's payroll and I don't mind doing that. But what about this project! AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

April 24, 2001


I know that I should be studying for my final (April 30!) but I keep thinking of things to include! My goal is for this page to be more about what's going on with me and less about my new obssession/hobby - the web page!

April 27, 2001


I know that I should be studying. I have actually started, but I'm *so* busy! I keep thinking of ideas for this site! My computer at home is freaking out again - it appears that I'll have to get a new one. My car is overdue for an oil change. We are (apparently) moving our office, so I'll get to drive even further to work AND endure the morning downtown traffic! My boss asked me if I want to go to California next week. Any week but next week! Next week I have my final on Monday and on Thursday I'm having my last wisdom tooth removed!

In other news, today, I decided to call my site Chez Anne ("shay zon"). What took me so long?

May 7, 2001


Wow! It's been a while since I've written! I wanted to write this here. I've been goofing off most of today when I should be working on whatever it is that Rocky wants done! (I have NO IDEA what that is!) I found a cool Christian pen pal site, and I wrote to three people. It seems to me that I've been feeling like I need to meet some on-line Christian friends. I sent two of them my web site address -- I wish I'd sent it to the first one! Maybe I'll go back and do it! I guess I shouldn't be too offended if those people don't write back soon -- they may not check that site very often.

I'm getting a nice break from exercise -- but I didn't want a break! I have a very un-nice headache!


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